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Bad days

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:11 pm
by REM1126
Today is just not a good day. This week, this month ...not good at all. I am beyond irritable, I am angry at ...myself and everyone in my life.

I am angry at myself for a number of things, to the point of it seeming to myself as if I am just piling on. I feel keenly aware of all of my personal faults, and I blame them all, in at least some small way, for contributing to my mood.

Hormones probably also play a role, because I didn't get my prescription (not HRT, not directly hormones, but medication for a problem effecting T levels among other hormones) refilled last week or yesterday because sometimes I can be a spacey, scatterbrained idiot who leaves the house to go to the cleaners and the drug store, and forgets to go to the drug store until they are closed. When my blood pressure is high, or my T levels are too low, I get irrationally angry. (BTW, does increasing Estrogen calm that sort of low T induced irritability? If not, I had better not EVER go on HRT).

Anyway, least you mistakenly think that I am blaming myself exclusively, I am angry at my family too. My wife, step kids, parents, sisters...all of them are pissing me off in a big way. The truth is, at this point it doesn't take much to piss me off. I am pretty much angry at anyone I can get my hands on, for a variety of reasons dating back as much as half a year. And, when the anger dies down I feel depressed, exhausted and hopeless.

It seems rational to me that if you are angry at everyone in your life, you (being the one common denominator) are probably a big part of the problem. Other than vent, I don't really know what to do.

I don't want to explain the details of my problems, and I don't want any of you to try to solve them for me. I just wanted to share that I am particularly dysphoric, and angry, and sad, and tired. :cry:

Re: Bad days

PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2018 6:06 pm
by kris
BTW, does increasing Estrogen calm that sort of low T induced irritability? If not, I had better not EVER go on HRT


Different for everyone; however, it is something to which you acclimatize. In my case my hormonal levels are pretty steady. I take oral medication daily. While I am certain there are hormonal fluctuations (germane to this conversation) for a number of reasons, they likely pale in comparison to those of most cis women. So, whatever changes I may have had mood-wise due to hrt are things which normalized for me long ago.

Anger and venting... yeah, it’s a tough one. There is a social aversion to anger to the point that if someone is angry we begin to fault them. But anger is a natural and reasonable response to many things, as is frustration. I have no business judging your anger, especially while knowing very little about your life or your situation. At most I can hope you get perspective on the parts of your anger which may be misplaced or possible to resolve, and the parts which may be due to you legitimately being fucked (for lack of a better word).

I guess what I am saying is a failure to get angry when you need to be is probably as unhealthy as getting angry when you don’t. Knowing the difference between the two? Well, maybe I’ll have something to say about that if I ever get it sorted myself.

And tiredness... yeah, I do know that feeling. Metaphysically bone-weary.

Re: Bad days

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:12 am
by REM1126
I have plenty of reason to be angry. There is no doubt about that.

How angry? And, how angry at whom? Those maybe different questions. Like anyone else (perhaps moreso right now) I am prone to getting very angry about some things that have happened or been done to me (reasonable, righteous anger), and letting that spill over into and be expressed as anger over a relatively minor infractions by the same person, or even by someone else. Somehow, if it ends up being directed at the same person, it doesn't seem as bad as if it is directed at someone else.

I know that right now I am prone to over-react to insults and things that would normally irritate me, so I am trying to avoid confrontations.

Re: Bad days

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:31 am
by REM1126
kris wrote:
BTW, does increasing Estrogen calm that sort of low T induced irritability? If not, I had better not EVER go on HRT


Different for everyone; however, it is something to which you acclimatize.

I certainly wasn't going to acclimatize to low T and low E at the same time. I felt like I was going to die. Migraines (including but not limited to ocular migraines) every day, cramping constantly, hot flashes, depression, weight gain and my cholesterol was through the roof. It had been in the normal reference range all my life, and suddenly it was 15 times the reference range.

I lost several pounds of muscle, and started having trouble standing from a seated position in a chair. I would somewhat expect the loss of muscle to reoccur if I went on HRT. I would sort of expect the weight gain when replacing T with E. And, I would expect some moodiness during an adjustment period.

I was hoping that replacing T with E would offset some of the symptoms such as the cramping, the migraines, and the depression. I am getting the impression that with regard to those questions you are telling me that you think I couldn't know what to expect, and I would just have to try it to find out.

I would ask my endocrinologist these questions, but I don't want to out myself. Furthermore, I sort of doubt he knows a lot about it. I doubt he has any TS patients on HRT. For that treatment, I would probably need a new endo. There are some in the area (within 60 miles) that TG people tend to use.

Re: Bad days

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 1:16 pm
by kris
I was hoping that replacing T with E would offset some of the symptoms such as the cramping, the migraines, and the depression. I am getting the impression that with regard to those questions you are telling me that you think I couldn't know what to expect, and I would just have to try it to find out.


HRT for the purpose of transitioning has more wiggle room than let’s say hrt as part of cancer treatment. Some trans women reintroduce a little T after an orchi or vaginoplasty for their own reasons. Some who do not need or want surgery don’t use an anti-androgen or don’t lower their testosterone as much as one typically would f. If it works for you, why not?

I don’t personally know how to attribute your symptoms (not that you are asking me to), but I can say I had issues with cramping which were likely specifically connected to the antiandrogen I was on. After surgery I no longer needed the spiro, and the cramping issues went away. I can’t say for certain that was the cause, but it seems pretty plausible.

Re: Bad days

PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 5:44 pm
by REM1126
kris wrote:I don’t personally know how to attribute your symptoms (not that you are asking me to).

I am in the closet, and don't want to ask my doctor about estrogen as an alternative. I was just curious as to whether anyone here knew the answer to the question.

I haven't taken anything to lower my T. I am being treated for Hypogonadotropic hypogonadism. My endocrinologist said that he didn't know exactly what was causing my problem, but he ruled out cancer or benign tumors and then just started treating the symptoms.

It was emotionally difficult for me to intentionally take medicine to boost my T, but I felt so bad that I didn't have much of a choice. I had to have relief, or I was going to lose my job (which I lost anyway). My endo was unambiguous that low T is what was causing my symptoms. When my T went up, the symptoms largely went away. Unfortunately, I now have a hot flash about once an hour all day and all night, but I will take that over a migraine a day.

Based on what I have read on the internet (fro websites that seem reliable enough), the fact that Clomiphene Citrate is increasing my T numbers suggests that it is probably a problem with my hypothalamus, but it could be a problem with the pituitary. And, my doctor doesn't care, because when I take Clomiphene my blood work numbers look good to him. I'd like to know what the actual problem is, and what body part isn't doing what it is supposed to do, but he is uninterested, and I don't think he knows how to find out the answer to those questions anyway.