Fun thread

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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:47 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:Alas, the romance ended one foggy morning when he grabbed Embla's bum by mistake...

Back in 1963, Ken and I were best friends in high school. A local Lutheran church used to put on very well attended Saturday evening dances.

I was standing next to Ken on his right and since I am left handed, I used my left hand to reach out and pinch the nicely formed bottom of the tallish blond girl standing directly in fron of Ken, next to her friend. The girl turned around and punched (not slapped, as she was a Catholic school girl) Ken hard on his chin. I, meanwhile, quietly slipped away not wanting to brave the aftermath of my friend and this lovely girl's introduction.

Introduction is definitely the correct term, as Ken and Elizabeth were married after they both graduated from UC Berkeley 6 years later. (And yes, I was invited!)
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Oct 30, 2017 2:56 am

Hi Miki!

Wow, so your pinch did the trick! Got to be better than Cupid's bow!

Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:22 am

So after The Purple Prince, Popplezaar made it obvious that he knew Great Aunt Celia was a spy, she had to lay low. She had nowhere to go for it had got to the British that she and Popplezaar were in love and they listed the amazing adventurer as a wanted woman. So she joined an order called St. Helga on the edge of the desolate desert run by Abbess Brunhilda with frequent outside help from Father Godfrey Pugh.

The Abbess Brunhilda and Father Godfrey were very strict and the Convent's silent order was difficult for young Great Aunt Celia. She had lots of hail Mary's and difficult tasks given because she kept breaking it. The order was allowed to speak just once every year, at Candlemas.

The first Candlemas came and all the nuns assembled in the hall for chat time.
"Does anyone wish to say anything?" Abbess Brunhild asked.
The hall was silent for a minute or so. Then Great Aunt Celia put up her hand.
"Sister Celia? Speak your mind child."
"The porridge is awful lumpy Mother Superior, can it be mixed better?"
"Yes, I will talk with Sister Nordberg. Anyone else?"
The nuns stayed silent.

One day Great Aunt Celia was with another young nun, Gunnhilda, they were trying to swipe some of the Gooseberry wine stored in the pantry. When they rounded the corner of the ample pantry they discovered Father Godfrey Pugh with his pants down a-wanking! They ran to get the Abbess who arrived in the pantry as Father Godfrey was buttoning his fly.
"Stop that, you'll go blind, Pugh!"
"Ouch!" The Father replied, catching his thingy in his fly. "Ouch, ouch, ouch!"
"Oh, what now!"
"Never mind, what about your silence vow!" The red-faced Father Godfrey said, walking away in agony.
"It is lifted temporarily in such a case of disgrace!" Abbess Brunhilda said. "In front of such young, innocent eyes!"
"Why is he walking funnily?" Gunnhilda innocently asked.
"Oh, don't worry about that child. God moves in mysterious ways!"

Well Father Godfrey was banished. The next week a meeting was called, all 127 nuns assembled in the hall of the convent.
"I have to break my vow of silence for the second time in a week!" Abbess Brunhilda Announced.
"Ooh!" The nuns oohed.
"Silence! This is a grave matter." The Abbess continued. "Yesterday Sister Edmundsen found this in the orchard, a used condom!"
"Ooh!" 126 nuns oohed.
"Hehehe!" Chuckled Great Aunt Celia."
"And there is something much worse!" The Abbess announced. "I am a woman of the world, it is clear that this condom split during sexual intercourse!"
"Hehehe!" 126 nuns chuckled.
"Ooh!" Great Aunt Celia oohed.

Six months later, the annual chat at Candlemas was called in the hall.
"Any nun wishing to speak may do so. Does anyone have anything to say?" Abbess Brunhilda asked.
The room fell silent. Then the luckily unpregnant Great Aunt Celia put her hand in the air.
"Yes, Sister Celia. What is it?"
"It's the porridge Mother Superior, it's too salty."
"I will talk with Sister Nordberg about that child. Anyone else have anything to say?"
The hall remained silent.

Two nuns were allowed to go out to the local market every fortnight to buy the very few things the Convent needed that they could not make themselves. Those going, were of course allowed to speak outside the Convent. Great Aunt Celia and Gunnhilda had never been given the detail being so young, but this particular day the Abbess had nobody spare, they were all to useful, so the hapless youngsters were told to go by written message and a shopping list.

Great Aunt Celia was brilliant at bartering and bought everything very cheaply, leaving the nuns with 7 yaks, the Desolate Desert currency.
"Let's buy ourselves a big glass of raspberry juice each!" Great Aunt Celia suggested.
"Oh yes, yes, yes!" Gunnhilda replied.
So they went into a bar and had two delicious glasses of raspberry juice. Soon they wanted a wee-wee.
"Barman!" Great Aunt Celia called. "Where is your latrine?"
"Oh, you don't want to go in there!" The barman said.
"Don't be such a silly-billy, we need wee-wees." Gunnhilda chuckled.
"It's not good for such devout ladies!"
"Oh, come on, we are both 22, we're not little girls!"
"But the statue. There is a statue of a nearly naked man!"
"Then we shall look away!" Gunnhilda declared.
"Ok, it's through the green door."
When the nuns came back the barman was smiling from ear to ear.
"You are the naughty, naughty girls!" The barman rocked his head. "Naughty!"
"What?" Great Aunt Celia said. "What are you talking about!"
"We all know!" He said. "When someone lifts the fig leaf, the lights go off!"

Another year passed and it was Candlemas again.
"Does any nun wish to speak!" The Abbess asked.
The hall was silent for a while then Great Aunt Celia put up her hand.
"Sister Celia?"
"It's the porridge Mother Superior, it's too milky!"
"Right! That's it, you are defrocked and out of the convent!" The Abbess declared.
"Why?"
"All this arguing about the porridge is giving me a headache!"

So Great Aunt Celia left and her adventures continued, which I know you will be pleased to hear!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Fri Nov 03, 2017 10:17 am

Hi Everyone!

Well, I am on my liccle annual vacation from Sunday for one week, I will check in before I go, but I have put all the almost inexhaustible supply of pics and diaries of Great Aunt Celia's back in her travelling case and put it back up in the roofspace ..... musty, cobwebby, grey and very dilapidated, but she was a good Great Aunt! :)

I can assure you all that I will resume her life story when I return to relieve Miki's withdrawal symptoms of not being able to savour and enjoy my superbically narratational, fantastical fun feast. Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lucy-chan » Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:37 pm

My brother was shitting himself during his last prostrate exam. "Could you stop that?" Said the doctor, as he went to wash his hands......
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:51 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:I can assure you all that I will resume her life story when I return to relieve Miki's withdrawal symptoms of not being able to savour and enjoy my superbically narratational, fantastical fun feast. Celia xx

If I find out that you have not taken your laptop on your liccle vaction I am going to be really annoyed.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sun Nov 12, 2017 2:04 am

Hi everyone, I am back from my superbically fantastical brilliantinic hols and I may be a bit bizzy dizzy the next couple of days, but I will resume the fabulous fun totally, honestly true story thread asap!

No Miki, I don't take anything expensyive, laptops and that coz I travel alone and am a bit silly sometimes and lose stuff. I once lost a suitcase in France, yes a big red one, l know!, It had tons of important stuff in it, I got on a train without it and when l went back it had been taken. Also l lost a really expensive camera in Japan too.

It was a very nice and sunny, not hot not cold, and many of the men are frickin' buff! I saw lots of sights, beautiful scenery and managed to play golf, get chatted up a few times and wolf whistled at, which l all enjoyed verily muchly! Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Sun Nov 12, 2017 11:49 am

CeliaEriksson wrote:... I once lost a suitcase in France, yes a big red one, ...

I was going to make some silly comment about you being a ditzy blonde and everything but then I remembered I once went to a motorcycle race but forgot to bring my motorcycle, or the time I went skiing and forgot my skis, or ...

... but, I am not a blonde! :P
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Tue Nov 14, 2017 6:19 am

Hi Everyone!

I used to travel a lot more years ago, so not too bad in reality Miki, I am a bit daft with things though like I have left my purse, (UK: money wallet, not handbag), behind many times. Luckily they were either there or handed in, I have never lost one yet! One Bank Holiday weekend I had to wait from Sunday to Tuesday for a shop to open again..... :roll:

So last night I dreamt about a forest fire. I was not in it, I was watching it and then some posssums came out of it and I gathered them up in my arms and told them they would be ok, then suddenly I was letting them go at my golf club. Then I was calling them back because the manager told me I could not leave them there.

Well, I've never had that one before so I interterpretitted it. I am going to see a big change happen that don't involve me, then I try to help some people understand it, but tell them wrong and they get into trouble.

That is quite very boring snoring to everyone else but me, so I wrote it here because to say I can interprertit dreams and if you have any I shall interprertit them amongst the fantastical fabulotastical fables of this forum fun thread!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:49 am

CeliaEriksson wrote:So last night I dreamt about a forest fire. I was not in it, I was watching it and then some posssums came out of it and I gathered them up in my arms and told them they would be ok, then suddenly I was letting them go at my golf club. Then I was calling them back because the manager told me I could not leave them there.

We could have used you earlier this month when much of Northern California burned. Over 6,000 houses burnt to the ground with over 50 humans lost. Untold numbers of wild and domestic animals were also lost - along with a countless number of [o]possums.

But, since you are an avid golfer, all of the great golf courses in the Napa Valley survived and you are more than welcome to pack up those [o]possums and let them go somewhere in the Silverado Golf Course - at night, of course, since those little buggers are ugly and will scare the guests.

To your bigger question - I haven't the slightest effing idea what your dream means.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby KoroSensei » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:26 pm

Of you are here for the Yodeling lessons, please form an orderly orderly orderly que!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:51 am

Well thank you Koro, that is neat as always, your contributions are always welcome!

Miki..... really! Of course I forgive your tragicality towards me at the end of that post, I know you don't mean it :) . I interpretitted my own dream as is written above and was inviting everyone to submit dreams so I can do my amazingly superbical interpretitting for everyone. So if anyone has a dream, let me use my mysticacal all-knowing power to tell you what your nightime nocturnational vision means.... and Possums are very cute! :P

The evidence:

ImageImageImageImageImage
Last edited by CeliaEriksson on Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:13 am

I was astonished reading my Great Aunt's memoirs of 1894 written in 1956 aged 97. It told of her escape from Arabia. Celia of Arabia went to Montevideo upon a Camel Barque bound for there. She then decided to explore the country and bought a Canoe from an American club owner at the Uruguayan port, called Rick who liked the piano and had a pianist called Sam.

I glossed over the reams about the love tale between the two but basically it appears to include Sam, his piano, a German naval Captain, Rick, the British Navy, a special song, a news reporter, a ship scuttling, lots of cigarettes, sundry German, Moroccan, Uruguayan, French and British people and lamentations about time going by or something.

So I decided to write the details here to cheer up Miki who has been through the mill lately and I hope she is feeling well and feeling good soon.

Well, she drove the Canoe up the river and paddling was hard it was against the flow of the mighty River Plate. She had lots of supplies and a friendly pet Rooster called Bert, she'd met in Montevideo. It was quite hot work and soon she was away from civilisation. It cold very cold that night, but understandably Great Aunt Celia did not want to go ashore in the jungle, so she decided to light a fire upon her canoe. Unfortunately it burnt a hole in the bottom and it sank. So she swam ashore with Bert the Rooster on her back. She was met by a naked man with a gun.

"I am Mr. Jinx!" The man said. "Why you come to our land?"
"I am Celia Eriksson, the great Norwegian explorer and spy!" Great Aunt Celia replied. "I was a bit silly, I started a fire to keep warm upon my canoe."
"Ooh. That was silly!" Mr Jinx said, he spoke perfect English you see. "I guess you can't have your Kayak and heat it."
"How true."
"Come we will look after you!"

So Celia of Arabia was a guest of the Pokeepaul tribe. The Chief, Mr. Toms said she could stay but she must work for her keep. Once she had proven herself she could continue her exploring, they would build her a solid wood boat, but it would take some time, for their boat builder Mr. Pirogue was on vacation in Louisiana. So, as Great Aunt Celia liked animals she elected to look after the chickens, she could introduce Bert to them.

"We will build you a house overnight Miss Celia." Chief Toms declared. But tonight you have to sleep with two of my 127 sons. The two that have taken the vow of celibacy. So fear not. I would put you with women, but they are all entertaining me tonight."
"Oh ok."

It was quite a large bed in the Celibate Sons house. Bill and Bob Toms were very nice and told Great Aunt Ceiia that she could sleep in the middle, as it got quite cold that time of year.
In the middle of the night Bob woke up all a sticky and that.
"Oh!" Bob shouted. "I had a dream that I was masturbating and I've come all over my Celibate Cowl!"
"Yikes!" Bill screamed. "Me too. I've come over all unnecessary upon my Celibate Cowl too! I was dreaming that I was a-wanking too!"
"Oh my!" Great Aunt Celia declared. "I'm Norwegian and I was dreaming that I was skiing!"

Next morning, she was shown her new house, a nice little two up and two down, built magnificently and shown the Chicken compound where she would work. There was lots of Chicken, about 300 hens and two Roosters. She introduced Bert to them and Bert quickly dispatched the other Roosters and began to fuck the hens with a passion. Great Aunt Celia chased after him but could not catch him. He did the circuit three times and all the hens eyes were quite crossed as they clucked happily around, queueing up to be fucked.

So Celia of Arabia built a fence around the hens, but Bert's passion was not satisfied, he fucked all the Geese and Duck at the tribe's little town with Great Aunt Celia chasing after him. Finally she gave up and tended the 300 Chicken who slept blissfully that night.

Next morning after collecting eggs she went to look for Bert. She finally found him in a glade, laying on his side not moving, a score of Vulture circling above.
"Oh my Bert!" She exclaimed, seating herself beside the bird. "You silly Rooster! All that fucking and running around, you have died of exhaustion."
"Shhhhh!" Bert shushed, opening an eye. "They will be down in a minute and I can shag 'em all!"

Well Bert was ordered to be caged by Chief Toms and Great Aunt Celia told she must work in the Great Kitchens of the Pokeepaul as the Chicken thing did not work out.

So she was delegated with making pastries in the pastry department of the Great Kitchens. A huge wooden building layered on the sides with dried grass with a grass roof. As she had once worked in Denmark as a young girl making pastries there, she thought she should be head pastry maker. But she was told to sieve the flour and keep an eye on the pastries in the oven, that they do not burn and call the pastry man, Mr. Tibbs when they were golden brown. So she sieved and sieved for hours and checked the pastries. But late in the afternoon a friendly purply Beetle passed her sieving thingy and Great Aunt Celia started to converse with the purply Beetle.

But she forgot about the pastries! Soon flames were licking from the oven! Great Aunt Celia grabbed the pastries and tried to throw them out the door but missed and the building caught fire and burnt down to the ground! She did save the purply Beetle from the flames.

Chief Toms was not happy!
"Every one knows!" He declared. "Pokeepaul that sieve in grass houses should not throw scones!"

Well, he said he'd give Great Aunt Celia one last chance, she could be an observer upon the Great Hunts of Chief Toms. She was to look for animals and report to the royal hunting party the whereabouts of suitable creatures. "Get that bloody boat built!" He told the newly returned Mr. Pirogue from his trip to Louisiana.

Great Aunt Celia was an Eriksson. She hated hunting and secretly misdirected many hunts. It was one Thursday morning she encountered a bear.
"Mr.Bear, the Chief is coming this way. I'll tell them you went that way!"
"I'll face them!" The amazing talking in English Mr. Bear said. "I am a proud Uruguayan Bear!"
"Oh no!" She replied. "Don't do it!"

She ran to the hunting party that was chasing down a Deer type animal. The Chief said the Bear was no match for him, the others should carry on and he would face the Bear with his trusty Winchester type gun thingy. Celia of Arabia was to watch.

He soon found the Bear and fired and missed with all seven shots and the Bear beared down upon him, placed his thingy in front of Chief Toms face and came all over it. "That'll teach you!" said Mr. Bear.

Well, Chief Toms was a proud man. "I'll get that Bear back for that!" he announced the following day. "I'll take my trusty bow and arrow!"

So the following day Chief Toms and Great Aunt Celia looked for and found Mr. Bear. She hid as the battle commenced. Chief Toms fired 17 arrows but they all missed by quite some way and the Bear bore down upon Chief Toms. He stuck his thingy in Chief Toms mouth and came inside his mouth! "I hope you have learnt your lesson!" Mr. Bear said. "Stay away from Mr. Bear!"

"I'll get that pesky Bear tomorrow!" Chief Toms declared through bruised lips. "I'll use my amazing pea-shooter and get him between the eyes!"

So off they went again and soon they found Mr. Bear. Chief Toms blew 47 hard boiled peas at the bear and hit many times but they just pinged off the great beast! Mr. Bear beared down and lifted the Chief's skirt. "This is not about the hunting, is it?" Mr. Bear said.

Mr. Pirogue had finished the boat and all the ladies of the tribe gave Great Aunt Celia a hula farewell as the men cheered. The cross-eyed Chief Toms and his new partner, Mr. Bear, waved from there new house upon the hill as she drove away with her newly finished boat and her adventures continued. :)
Last edited by CeliaEriksson on Sat Dec 09, 2017 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Sun Nov 26, 2017 1:38 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:Mr. Pirogue had finished the boat and all the ladies of the tribe gave Great Aunt Celia a hula farewell as the men cheered. The cross-eyed Chief Toms and his new partner, Mr. Bear, waved from there new house upon the hill as she drove away with her newly finished boat and her adventures continued. :)

You are driving me fucking nuts!

BTW, Rio de la Plata does not translate to River Plate, but rather The River of Silver.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Nov 27, 2017 6:19 pm

Well....

...... Source Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R%C3%ADo_de_la_Plata The Río de la Plata (Spanish pronunciation: [ˈri.o ðe la ˈplata], River of Silver) — River Plate in British English and the Commonwealth, [/b]La Plata River/Plata River in other English-speaking countries
[/i]

:P

https://www.revolvy.com/main/index.php? ... te%20(film :wink:

But as always, I forgive you for doubting the authenicititty of my honestly, totally true stories! Hope you are well Miki! xx :)
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:31 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:authenicititty

Now, you are probably going to try and convince me that was not a well placed bit of sexual innuendo.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lucy-chan » Wed Nov 29, 2017 5:03 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:Well thank you Koro, that is neat as always, your contributions are always welcome!

Miki..... really! Of course I forgive your tragicality towards me at the end of that post, I know you don't mean it :) . I interpretitted my own dream as is written above and was inviting everyone to submit dreams so I can do my amazingly superbical interpretitting for everyone. So if anyone has a dream, let me use my mysticacal all-knowing power to tell you what your nightime nocturnational vision means.... and Possums are very cute! :P

The evidence:

ImageImageImageImageImage


Kawaii!!!!!!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:13 am

Yes Lucy, the evidence is overwhelmining, they are all very, very Kawaii!!!! Thank you, I guess other folk don't know true cuteyness when they see it.... tra-la-la-la...-la.... :)
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:21 pm

So here is the definitive list of the most cuteyist wild animals I think the mostest are in the whole wide wonderful whirling world!

(Apologies to all the cute creatures I have forgot about and not listed).

1. Red Panda:

Image

2. Sea Otter

Image

3. Chipmunk

Image

4. Red Squirrel

Image

5. Long-tailed Titmouse

Image

6. Rabbit

Image

7. British Wildcat

Image
Last edited by CeliaEriksson on Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sat Dec 09, 2017 12:44 pm

So it was, I was reading my Great Aunt Celia Eriksson's journals this afternoon as her Great Exploring Adventures continued up the River Plate, [Br.], (La Plata River/Plata River [USA] :P ).

Well, she was driving her Canoe thing round a corner when it hit a rock! She paddled with all her might and just reached the shore. She unloaded everything and started sending Norse Code messages of Mayday, but as the radio had not been invented in 1894 nobody heard her taps on the side of the tree, except a little band of friendly Skunks.

The skunks felt very sorry for poor Celia of Arabia, so the Head Skunk called all the Skunks and solemnly said "Let us spray for Celia of Arabia!"
"No!" shouted Great Aunt Celia. But it was too late. "I'd have just wanted directions to a friendly village."
"Oops, sorry!" said the Head Skunk and he gave her directions.

So my ancestor, the intrepid spy and explorer, followed the directions and found herself at last in an open glade on the edge of the village where she beheld a very peculilalar sight. Three naked villagers were laying in a row with their thingies erect and upward, pointing to the sky. She watched closely for a while, 'for scientific reasons', she wrote in her massive, almost infinite journal, and approached them.

"What on earth are you doing?" She asked. "Just a-laying there, all oiled up with your thingies pointing heavenwards?"
"Oh!" The first Uruguayan Native said as he spoke perfect English. "We are the village clocks. The Chief, Mr. Brown, he likes to keep good time and to be sure, he has us three dickdial cockclocks. It's our job!"
"What time is it then?"
"It's 3.33 p.m. Standard Llama time." The first Native replied. "And 49 seconds."
"Wow!" Great Aunt Celia wooed. She walked up to the second native. "What time do you have?"
"It's 3.34 p.m. and 10 seconds!" The second native replied.
"Incredible!" She exclaimed. She walked towards the thirdy swarthy native, who suddenly began furiously a-wanking. "My word! What are you doing?"
"I'm winding up the clock!" The third native replied. "At the seventh stroke it will be......"
"Ok, ok!" She said and after eight hours tinkering with and lubricating the village clocks she entered the village.

She was, of course taken to Chief Brown. She told him about having seen the clocks and agreed it was a wonderfully brilliant and invigorating invention.
"We are the Cochsmyff tribe." Chief Brown's Chancellor Mr. Green said. "We take great pride in our self control. Behold, I will ask our General, Mr. Pink to demonstrate!"

The General marched to the middle of the hut and dropped his grass skirt.
"Att..... wait for it, wait for it..... A..a..aten...shun!!!" He bawled and his thingy stood to attention, upright and perfectly still! "Steeeeand....wait for it, wait for it......stand at ease!"
"Oh my!" Great Aunt Celia whispered. The General's thingy sat at perfect right angle to his body.
"On my command!" The General bawled. "Fire!"
But nothing happened.
"Open Fire!" He bawled, his eyes becoming angry. "Fire!!!!!"
But nothing happened. The General then started a-wanking furiously.
"General stop that now!" Chief Mr. Brown said. "Not in front of our guest!"
"Sorry sir, I was just giving it a dishonourable discharge."
Well, the General was sacked on the spot!

Now the Chief decided that this Norwegian maiden was inspiring too much of this naughtiness. He called every man in the tribe into his great hall. Great Aunt Celia, using her spying wiles listened to the goings on.
"Right everyone, wank now!" Chief Mr. Brown ordered.
Much rustling occured. Finally it stopped with a whimper.
"Do it again!"
The rustling began again..... and calm.
"Again!"
Well of course the rustling started again and this continued for several hours, then he banged the floor to stop them.
"Who feels like continuing?" The Chief asked.
"We will do it for you boss!" They all chanted and then the rustling was furious. Suddenly, one held dissent. "I can't Chief, I just can't! I'm all spent, I'm a failure!"
"Thank God. Then it will be you will take Celia of Arabia to the river with my best pirogue!" He announced.

And so her adventures could continue as she paddled away with the men lining the river bank, making an offering to their River Goddess, Boo-kakki.... or at least that's what they said they were doing. My what a sticky episode for our heroine! :mrgreen:
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Dec 11, 2017 1:36 pm

Well, after all that stickiness, Great Aunt Celia had a swim and then drove her canoe further up the river, but one night it got very cold and not wanting to sink her canoe again with a fire, she went ashore and tried to start a fire on the riverbank to keep her warm.

But she could not get the fire to start. That's very strange! she thought, I tested every one of these matches and they all worked before!

So she went further inland as she could see lights far in the distance, it had to be another tribal camp. She had got to within a few miles of the camp, hacking her way through the undergrowth, when she encountered a native.

"Hello!" She said. "Do you speak English?"
"Es."
"Sorry, do you mean yes?"
"Es, I speak English, ver well. Ou must be the ver famous explorer and sp, Celia Eriksson, es?"
"Es, I mean yes I am. What is your name?"
"Henr."
"Hello Henr." She was puzzled. "Tell me. Why do you speak so funny?"
"Oh, ou see, we learn our language, but we onl learn 25 letters."
"Why not all the 26?"
"We don't know y"
"Oh." Celia of Arabia pondered a while. "But you just said y."
"So I did, wow, you are so clever. Wow, I said it!" The native was very happy. "Tonight you can share my tent. It is very warm, worry not, there will be no hank-pank!"
"Hanky-Panky, you mean."
"No."

So they snuggled into the tent, but around three O'clock Great Aunt Celia awoke. She shook the Native Henr and pointed up.
"Henr, what do you deduce from the stars?"
"Oh, how wondrous they are Miss Celia! Millions of them, spread across the sky! I deduce they are the souls of my ancestors. What do you deduce from them?"
"Your tent has been pinched?"
"Oh yes."
"Well we can't risk frostbite on our noses. Take me to your Chief."
"Can't do."
"Why not?"
"Chief Bob, reached 60 felt unhealthy, went for run."
"Well, that's ok."
"No, he 80 now, nobody see him."
"Ok, we go to village."
"No, I am on duty as watchman. You continue through here. The forest of the Ghosts."
"Ghosts?" Great Aunt Celia quivered. "Gulp. Please take me."
"Oh, it's just a name." Henr laughed. "I've never seen any ghosts, ghoulies or spectres in this forest in all my years!"
"Thank heavens. How many years is that then?"
"594."
"Gulp!"

So Great Aunt Celia ran as fast as her little legs would carry her when she bumped into a very bedraggled man running towards her. He wore a silver crown and was leading an Antelope upon a leash.
"Chief Bob!" She shouted. "Is it you?"
"Aye matey!"
"Oh hello Chief Bob, I'm Celia Eriksson, famous explorer and spy! Can I go to your village to keep warm!"
"Aye matey!"
"Well, yes aye to you too, but I already said hello."
"No! I will say it again. I am eighty!"
"Oh."

"This is my friend Rudolph." Chief Bob said, introducing the Antelope type animal. "He's from Norway!"
"I'm from Norway! Is he the famous one?"
"Does he have a red nose?" Chief Bob studied his fingernails. "Does he?"
"Well no, but he does have red eyes."
"That is because he has lost his sight. He is Rudolph's brother, Rudolph."
"Why is he blind?"
"No eye deer."

"Hello!" Boomed Rudolph. "How are you today?"
"Wow, he speaks!"
"Of course." Chief Bob declared. "I taught him!"
"Hello, so how did you become blind."
"I was already blind in one eye and then one day I saw this Humming Bird getting bigger and bigger."
"Really?"
"Yes, I could not work out why. It was getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I was bamboozled!"
"So?"
"Well, I could not figure why and then it hit me."
"Oh."

Great Aunt Celia spent the night in the village, nice and toasty warm and then was taken back to her canoe. For finding Chief Bob, they presented her with a large tin of Yacht Varnish for her canoe, and allowed her to varnish her canoe in boat corner. Henr came to visit her.

"Hi Miss Celia!"
"Hello Henr!" Celia wiped her brow. "It is very hot today!"
"It is always 90 degrees in Boat Corner."
"Oh, I see!"
"Miss Celia!"
"What?"
"No wonder you are so hot Miss Celia, you have two heavy jackets on and it is very hot!"
"I have to."
"Why?"
"I read the instructions on the tin of varnish. It says put at least two coats on."
"I see."

So the newly varnished canoe was put in the river and Celia of Arabia continued her adventures!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:29 pm

Well, I picked up my Great Aunt's box of almost an infinite number of journals and photographs and read on.....

After the Great Canoe Varnishing, the canoe appeared to attract creatures to the strange smell from far and wide. She tells of the Dolphin that followed her as she drove it along the mighty River Plate. She said the Dolphin appeared to be following without much porpoise.

"Hello back there!" Great Aunt Celia called. "Whatyadoing?"
"Hi!" Said the amazing talking fish type thing.
"Oh, you are the most beautiful looking Dolphin I have ever seen!"
"Manatee!"
"Yes please, but one every day? No woman can do that, you know."
"No, I am a Manatee. My name is Humbert."
"Oh." Celia of Arabia replied, when a trumpet seemed to sound from the riverbank. "Ooh what was that noise Humbert?
"That is my friend, Grahamella, she is an Elephant, silly, don't you know an Elephant when you hear one?"
"In South America?"
"That's irrelephant, she is lost."
"I see. Oh Humbert, can you introduce me? I love Elephants!"
"Ok."

So she drove the canoe to the riverbank and parked it near where the trumpet sounded. Humbert called for his friend to come over and soon Grahamella was there, teetering on the side of the bank under some Coconut trees.

"Frickin' Elephant!" Great Aunt Celia said, in awe.
"Correct, an African Elephant." Humbert said. "You are so wise."

"Screeeeeeeech!" Grahamella suddenly called and reared up on her back legs. "Turtle!!!"

Kerplunk! The Turtle was startled and kerplunked into the river.
"Why are you so scared?" Great Aunt Celia enquired, then she tittered. "You, a big great lump of an animal, scared by a weeny liccle turtle like that and all."
""When I was six weeks old that very same Turtle bit my nose in the the mighty Zambesi river!"
"Wow!" Great Aunt Celia replied. "What a great memory you have Grahamella."
"It's nothing." Grahamella rubbed her fingernails upon her chest and studied them. "I have Turtle recall."
"Oh."

"So how are you these days, Grahamella?" Humbert asked. "Still playing hide and seek with that Ant, what was his name?"
"Oh that ruddy Ant." Graham replied. "Quenton. Well I got him last time."
"How was that then?"
"Well, he tried to hide in a Japanese Monkey's house, but I spied his shoes on the doormat and I found him!"
"Oh, well done Grahamella!"

Just then as Great Aunt Celia and Humbert the Manatee watched helplessly, a net fell upon Grahamella. They were unable to help as slowly the net was pulled tight around her.
"Yoho heave-ho! Yoho heave-ho!" A tiny voice was heard to be singing as the terrible trap was set even tighter. "Got you, you gorgeous creature!"

Soon it was apparent. A Mouse was the perpetrator. He ran up Grahamella's rear leg, lifted her tail and started fucking her!

"You gorgeous animal, you!" The Mouse said. "I've been watching you from afar for months, so I hatched this plan. Take that baby, you know you love it!"

The Mouse gave it his all. Grahamella struggled with the tree tied net. A Coconut fell from the tree above.

"Ouch!" Grahamella screamed. Then several more Coconut fell. "Ouch, ouch, ouch!"
"Oh, I am sorry darling." The Mouse said. "Am I hurting you?"

Well, Great Aunt Celia scrambled ashore and scared the Mouse away. She cut Grahamella free, said her goodbyes and continued her amazing adventures.
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Dec 25, 2017 12:54 pm

Glad Jul!

Seasonal Greetings Everyone! It's my Bumper Festive Feast. I'll just start rambling on shall I?

So I quickly flipped through my Great Aunt Celia's almost infinite number of journals and looked at the Chrissymassy type ones.

It was one whilst she was driving her canoe up the River Plate that I found first. It was Xmas 1894 and she was traversing some rapids, she told herself: Oh well, Christmas here's not so bad without the Reverand Eriksen keep bringing religion into Christmas at Sørbotn every year! I mean, who wants to pray when there's lots of lovely prezzies to open!

She then beheld a vision. Above across the heavens a sleigh! It was clearly not Santa though, it was a large lady dressed like Santa, but in gold. She had a team of Bobcats pulling her sleigh, she was lit up in a yellowy aura and the sleigh alighted close by in the trees. Great Aunt Celia parked the canoe and made her way there.

She saw two sleighs! The one with Reindeer too! Santa was there conversing with the lady.

"Hi!" Great Aunt Celia decided to be subtle. "I hope you've sent me lots of big prezzies! Whoo hoo! It's me!"
"Why Celia!" Santa replied. "Come here my girl, it must be some years since you were upon my knee!"
"What!" The gold lady exclaimed.
"Oh, this is my wife." Santa chuckled. "Don't fret Ingeborg, I refer to the time in Tesco's when Celia was but ten!"
"You'd better be." Ingeborg Claus replied. "My coming all this way, just to bring some Cobnuts for your deer! My Bobcat are famished!"
"Yes Ingeborg, yes. Ahem. Now Celia do you remember?"
"Of course. I asked you for some nails for my Kitten, Miss Jinks!"
"Yes, you said that only her outer nails were there, retracted in or out. She was missing her middle nails."
"I did."
"And I told you not to worry they would be there for Christmas Day."
"You did, oh you did!"
"Well, err, did they?" Santa stroked his beard. "Did they appear?"
"Yes, they did. As you said, centre claws comes on Christmas Day!"
"What!" Ingeborg Claus screamed.

"So come here young lady." Santa sat down. "Come sit on my knee and tell me want you want for Christmas whilst my Rein feed."
"Oh no you don't!" His fierce wife stated. "Oh nonono!"
"Stand before me then young Celia."
"Well." Great Aunt Celia started. "I'd like something for my Mother."
"How unselfish of you! That's so wonderful to hear, what shall I get her?"
"A six-foot four, handsome Son-in-Law."
"Oh, you've not changed much after all."
"And for me, I'd like that blue sparkly cocktail dress in Harrods, a Faberge barcelet the one with 45 diamonds and....."

48 minutes later.....

"Is that all?" Santa sighed.
"Oh, I want to make a Solskinnskringle pastry after my Grandmother Celia's secret recipe, but the recipe went to her grave. It is said she typed it out on a piece of notepaper though, so it must be somewhere."
"That's right." Santa pondered. "It was written upon her outdoor typewriter, in a snowstorm."
"Yes, she died of Typothermia."
"Go talk to Blitzen, she is my expert upon Norway." Santa pointed. "Over there under that Palm Tree."

"Hello Miss Celia" Blitzen mooed. "Imagine seeing you here. I guess your going to ask about the recipe."
"Yes."
"Yule be sorry!"
"Oh."
"Not really, I just had to say that. Never mind. Your Great Uncle Edgar, her son, pasted it in his scrapbook. It still exists I think."
"But he moved to the USA!"
"Mmmm. Ok well what is Emily Dickinson's favourite Reindeer?"
"What?"
"Dasher!" Blitzen laughed uncontrollably. "The USA is one of Dasher's knowledge places. Go talk to her."

"Hi Dasher!"
"I'm eating!"
"Oh but Dasher, I need to know about my Great Uncle Edgar's scrapbook!"
"Edgar the Christmas parcel man? Did Christmas parcel's up for posting and he also sang in bars?"
"That's him."
"The Wrapper Rapper."
"What?"
"He pasted the recipe on the back of a painting. The painting now belongs to Wencelas, a man in Hungary, in Budapest. See Rudolph, she's the one over there with the bulbous nose."
"I know."
"She has Hungary on her expertise list. She was Elf-taught."
"Groan!"

"Hello Rudolph! Do you mind if I put my sunglasses on?"
"Waaah!"
"Sorry, did not want to make you cry. Wow, it's like Rein!"
"Everyone does that, I can't look into your beautiful, green, sensual, lovely, cute eyes!"
"Ok, they're off!"
"You want to know about Wencelas the pizza lover."
"Pizza lover?"
"Yes, he likes them, deep and crisp and unleaven."
"Oh."
"He took the painting out and sold the frame, back and all, to the Captian of the Good Ship Kangaroo."
"I've been on that."
"I know. Go see Comet, she is the sea expert. That's her there collecting all the Cobnuts in her cheeks. Crafty cow!"

"Hi Comet!"
"Hah....." Cobnuts pinged all over Great Aunt Celia! ".....llllo"
"Oh."
"Darn, I've lost me nuts!" Comet screamed. "What do you want! I suppose it's about that little tramp-steamer Kangaroo!"
"Yes."
"Well the Captain used it as a blackboard. The recipe is still on the back, he died one Christmas Eve after walking into a bar."
"Was it a rough bar?"
"No quite smooth, cast iron."
"Oh."
"It was sent to his daughter, Marissa Compini in Italy. Go see Cupid, she is the Italy girl. She's over there brushing herself against the tree."

"Hi Cupid!"
"Stupid!"
"What?"
"This tree, not good enough to scratch upon. Oh you want to know about the blackboard?"
"Yes."
"Well, she put an old cartoon into it's frame. It was hanging in her house, when she called the police." Cupid sighed. "Whilst we were there."
"Really!"
"Yes, Christmas Eve it was. She phoned them and said there is a man on her roof emptying his sack into the chimney. The vice squad came!"
"Oh."
"Then when they cuffed Santa, he said 'But I only come once a year!', they took him down. We had to finish the night with Ingeborg and those pesky Bobcat!"
"What about the recipe?"
"She had bought a cartoon print and put it in the frame instead. She gave it to her Aunt Anneka, a Swede, for Christmas."
"Oh."
"Go talk to Donner, she knows about Sweden. There she is, having a bath."

"Hello Donner! Glad Jul!"
"Glad Jul!" Donner replied. "Would you like to join me? The mud is warm!"
"Err. No thanks, all the same. Well, I guess you know what I want to know!"
"Mmmm. You should get in the bath first." Donner rose up and squidged her big tum into the mudbath. Schplurb! Bluuuuuurp! The mudbath sang. "It's so relaxing."
"Just had one." Great Aunt Celia replied. "What about this Anneka person?"
"The late Anneka Lund." Donner sighed. "Such a shame."
"What happened?"
"She went to the hairdressers and her stylist kept asking her to remove her headphones. In the end the stylist took them off. Anneka died in moments, sadly."
"Oh no."
"Yes, then they heard the headphone tape."
"Oh?"
"It was saying, 'breathe out...., breathe in....., breathe out....., breathe in....."
"Oh dear."
"Well it was bequeathed to her Sister, Wilma. You best see Prancer about it. She does Northern Sweden. That's her jumping around over there."

"Hi Prancer!"
"Why, as I live and breathe, it's young Celia Eriksson!"
"Hello Prancer, you prance wonderfully."
"And you look so pretty!"
"Thank you. I want to ask about Wilma, the Swedish lady?"
"Ah. The late Wilma Lund."
"Not again!"
"Yes, so sad just after Anneka's demise too."
"What happened?"
"She went on a picnic with her Swedish friend Helga and her Norwegian friend Celia."
"Oh, great name!"
"Yes. Anyway, after the picnic they got lost and they realised they needed to cross a river to get to the car park."
"My, what happened then?"
"You have to see Vixen, she was on duty at that moment. I had lots of prancing to do. She's over there, next to Santa."

"Hi Vixen!"
"Hi Celia, I guess you want to know what happened when the girls had to cross the river?"
"Yes please!"
"Well, Helga said she was a strong swimmer, kerplunk! into the water she went and was washed away by the river, never to be seen again!"
"So sad."
"Yes, then Wilma said she was an even stronger swimmer and Kerplunk! into the water. Only to ber swept away and never seen again!"
"That's terrible. What happened to Celia?"
"She took the footbridge." Vixen crossed her chest and looked up to heaven. "The estate of Wilma was valued by experts."
"Wow."
"The cartoon was from a London funny magazine and was sold for 900,000 pounds!"
"Never!"
"Yes, it hangs to this day in their offices. In the foyer."
"The recipe still on the back?"
"Oh yes! You need to telephone them!"
"What's the number?"
"Ask Dancer, she is our Media and Entertainment expert. She is over there doing some pirouhettes, go ask her for the phone number."

"Hello Dancer!"
"Sorry, there is no Punch line!"
:oops:

Image

Glad Jul, God Jul!

Beautiful, we are best in the world at this song.... Stille Natt, a southern choir... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h8SYYGFTp4

....and a young women's choir....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VAy92Fw8vc
Last edited by CeliaEriksson on Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lesley Niyori » Tue Jan 16, 2018 11:10 am

As this is about 'fun' I thought, ok, seems like a 'fun' thread post.

Ok, we being transgender have to deal with people asking us, "how do you know, you are transgender?" a lot, and this post isn't really about that. But it's related.

How does Lesley know she's actually a 5-year-old person in that body of hers?

I look for signs, indicators, all the stuff you normally do for the same question when applied to being transgender.

For instance, when you look at a box of crayons, how does it affect you?
For me, it is an irresistible urge to colour. I got a nice big box of 96 Crayolas for Christmas.
I'm going to go for a walk and do some colouring in one of my Mandalas colouring books at a Tim Horton's and people watch.
I know I'm 5 because only a kid can casually sit in a coffee shop and colour or play with Legos and not think it is awkward. What? I'm a child, what's wrong with colouring with crayons and playing with Legos in public?

If I was sitting at home, I might be colouring while my teddy bears and Barbies and china dolls sat at the table with me and watched. And I talk to them. And I don't think I'm nuts.

This isn't an isolated thing for me, this is my daily routine. I live the life of a princess, whether I like it or not. It's just my life. I read in my comfy lazy boy chair and my bear sits beside me while I read. We sit together and watch TV too.

I take my teddy bear with me everywhere. Yesterday we went out for a picnic lunch. He sat with me while I had a nice lunch up in the cafe sitting area of the local Loblaws store. Today he's going with me to colour at Tim's. Frank, also goes with me to church. And yes, Frank goes with me on my dates (to make sure I'm safe eh).

I suppose I sound very articulate and smart sometimes when I post here. It's like how when a person can smile, but, they are not really smiling on the inside. I can sound smart, and clever and witty. I don't have all that much wisdom and experience behind it though. It doesn't take a lot of effort to discover how much of a child I really am. All that science and history in my head, but, I don't have much life knowledge.

So yeah, princess Lesley is going to go for a walk, and enjoy the snow, because, it's not like she has to shovel it, and I don't have to drive in it. It's just snow, and it's fun to walk in it. I can play in it, but, I don't have to work in it.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Jan 22, 2018 3:21 pm

I was recounting our family sagas last night. It was in the spring of 1788, when the Danish Earl Søren came north with a retinue again to record the farms and Rein that were viewed as part of their assets in Troms. The Norse had always to entertain him, begrudgingly, in Tromso's town hall and Embla and Wallentyna Eriksson, my Supergreat Aunts had been selected to run the gaff.

"Bollocks!" Embla declared, reading the decree. "How are we supposed to organise that, we couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery!"
"There's money to be made! Ooh lots of lovely cash, we'll never want for anything again" Wallentyna dreamed, stepping on the Cat. "We'll be rich!"
"You've taken the tail clean off of Mr. Jinks with your heel!" Embla cried. "You silly person!"
"Don't worry, if we are buying stuff we have to go to the retailer."

So off they went in the cart, poor old Tamir, their trusty nag made the two week journey with ease and they arrived in Tromso safely. They made directly for the Ordfører's house.
They sat with the Ordfører, Arne Skolem and supped tea.
"So there will be 288 guests." Arne said.
"Two gross!" Embla said.
"Well not all of them are horrid!" Wallentyna declared.
"What the hell are you going on about?" Embla screamed.
"Well, they're not all bloody Danes!" Wallentyna replied.

"Sorry about my silly sister." Embla said, holding up her little finger as she cuddled the huge cup. "Will that delicious Leif Selberg be coming at all?"
"No, I did not think of him." Arne said. "Sorry!"
"Well invite him. He's buff!" Wallentyna interjected.
"Of course. I must have taken Leif off my census." Arne confirmed.
"Too right you have, you're mad!" Wallentyna confirmed. "Crazy as a box of Frogs!"

"So how can we ask him to come now then?" Embla wailed. "I wanted him to go!"
"He is a Doctor, is he not?" Arne said. "Why don't you go to him with some small malady and ask if he wants to go?"
"I'll do it!" Wallentyna said excitedly. "I'll say I've got growing pains!"
"Well, you are only 4 foot eleven and you are 51." Arne noticed. "You'll just have to be a little patient."
"No! I want him now!" Wallentyna screamed. "Now, now, now, now!"

"Sorry again." Embla apologised. "So I guess the Earl will have the Blue Room to rest."
"Yes, before he goes into the party." Arne replied. "Put some beer in there for him."
"Can I tell him when it's time to party?!" Wallentyna begged. "I'll say, Your Most Serene Highness, in thee go!"
"Blue." Embla said, squaring up to her sister. "It's blue!"
"Who's silly now then?" Wallentyna said. "I never said indigo."
"Yes you did!"
"Ladies, ladies!"
"Sorry Mr. Skolem!" The twins chanted in unison.
"Just get on with it. I have to feed my.... erm..... mouse!"

So the twins decided to get the entertainment sorted. They interviewed various acts in the hall. The first was an American Harpist, Bert Foran.
"Ok!" Wallentyna screamed through a loudhailer type thingy. "Play the bloody harp!"
"Well, last month." Bert the American replied. "I was playing at my Brother Sam's dance hall on the West Coast of America."
"So what?" Embla asked, fighting for the loudhailer thingy.
"Well, I left my harp in Sam Foran's disco."
"Get out! Next!" The twins yelled.

Next was Lorraine the Flatulant Singer.
"What's a bloody Flatulent singer?!" Wallentyna asked politely. "Never heard of it, you bloody English are mad!"
"Well, I can fart Rule Brittania, perfectly." The English rose Lorraine replied.
"Oh go on then!" Embla sighed.
Lorraine lifted her bustle, fiddled down her knickers and lifted her dress cage fronds high. She then proceeded to drop a steaming brown lump on to the stage!
"What the fuck!?" Embla gasped. "How dare you, you clean that right up now!"
"Oh!" Lorraine cried, tears streaming down her face, fiddling with her fronds. "I was only clearing my throat."
"Clean it up!" Wallentyna screamed. "With fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

Lorraine had finally cleaned up her mess and left in tears. Embla took the loudhailer thingy and called to the stage manager.
"I can see Clare Lee now Lorraine has gone!" She called. "What does she do?"
"She has gone to the pub to use the toilets." The manager, Mr. Larsen replied. "She'll be a while!"
"What happened to the toilet bowl here at the hall then?" Wallentyna asked.
"It got stolen." Mr. Larsen replied.
"Who by?"
"We've no idea." Larsen said. "And we've got nothing to go on."

The twins waited, but soon grew impatient.
"We can play some sport maybe." Embla suggested.
"What sport can you play indoors?" Wallentyna sniffed. "Miss silly billy?"
"Bowling!" Embla suggested. "There, I'm not such a silly billy!"
"Ahah!" Wallentyna exclaimed. "But the Tells are here, the famous Switzers from Switzerland!"
"So?" Embla said. "What about it?"
"The Tell family might play for the Danes and then we'd lose!"
"Ah." Embla pondered. "But they might play for us and then we'd win!"
"Well." Wallentyna declared. "Nobody knows for whom the Tell's bowl."

Luckily the stage manager, Mr. Larsen was shuffling two men on to the stage.
"These two can sing. Juan from Spain and Amil from Turkey." He said.
"Are they any good!?" Wallentyna bawled into the loudhailer thingy. "We're not wasting anymore time!"
"They are about the same actually." Mr Larsen confessed. "When you've seen Juan, you've seen Amil."

And so the entertainment was set. The party was quite something else and I will tell of that another time. But for now I put the old dusty tome of sagas back with the others in the huge chest full of sagas. An almost infinite amount, you may be pleased to know. :D
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Mon Jan 22, 2018 9:09 pm

Poor Jinks. Was he the first of the bobcats?
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lesley Niyori » Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:52 am

I like these funny image things from Facebook. This is one of today's results for my 2018 :)

Image
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:43 pm

Found this painting in the huge Sea Chest of Almost Infinite Number of Paintings, Pictures, Sagas and Stories..... Embla and Wallentyna Eriksson 1788 by Werler.


Image


Edit: Well Miki, I believe Mrs. Claus has been using Bobcat for her sleigh for centuries, but has it happens, Mr. Jinks did become one of her Bobcat Sleigh team, even though he ended up in the Isle of Man and started something off there amongst Manx Cats, but I don't know much about it.... here he is in a painting by Werler of Mr. Jinks, 1789, found in the Huge Sea Chest of Almost Infinite Stuff.

Image
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Wed Jan 24, 2018 8:09 pm

Celia, dear Celia - a photograph from 1788 is of such historical value as to require an assemblage of everything in the chest of old photographs and a trip to Sotheby's (34-35 New Bond Street, London W1A 2AA UK +44 20 7293 5000).

Wandering and random thoughts follow from this point on:

I am wondering if the renowned photographer, Diane Arbus (nee Nemerov), isn't related to your family in some way. She made her name in photography by using the 'less fortunate underbelly' of us as her artboard for her very interesting urban photography.
Image
Nicole Kidman and Robert Downey, Jr. did an arthouse type movie called Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/fur/ that is worthwhile watching on a very wet Saturday afternoon.
Mr. Jinks did become one of her Bobcat Sleigh team, even though he ended up in the Isle of Man and started something off there amongst Manx Cats, but I don't know much about it....
I have never been to the Isle of Man but thanks to that fairly recent invention known as cable TV, I have become a devotee of the violent death lottery known as the Isle of Man Tourist Trophy motorcycle race.

The Isle of Man in the Irish Sea is much too low in elevation and too moderate in climate to have ever developed a large following of Nordic style ski athletes, so I guess when the later generations of the Bobcat Sleigh Team decided to take their sport to a different level and (re)migrated to Norway, their new sport became the shortened Bobsleigh event.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Thu Jan 25, 2018 4:30 am

Hi Miki!

So the painter, Werler, was so darned good, he befooled ya into thinking those are photographs.... :D ...and the reason Mr. Jinks went to the Isle of Man was to retire from pulling the Bobcat sleigh for Mrs. Claus and start a family..... thus....

ImageManx Cat
The Manx Cat, is a breed of domestic Cat originating on the Isle of Man, with a naturally occurring mutation that shortens the tail. Many Manx have a small stub of a tail, but Manx cats are best known as being entirely tailless; this is the most distinguishing characteristic of the breed, along with elongated hind legs and a rounded head.

TT racing, yes very dangerous I have never been to the Isle of Man, but I'd love to ride the Horse Drawn Trams along the front of Douglas. The people there are a little set in their ways I was told once, but that may have changed, (in case someone is from Mann here reads this!!!), anyway any place called Isle of Man sounds a fine place!

ImageMike Dunlop IOM TT

Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Thu Jan 25, 2018 4:44 am

:D
____________________________________________
Mike Dunlop is a very good rider and you realize he is passing a 200+ year old stone wall at better than 120 MPH.

Try watching this video of Dunlop. It is only 1:30 minutes, not speeded up and these riders live on the edge of life or death vhttps://youtu.be/GVv5rB3bMHQ?t=52
____________________________________________
Isle of Man, huh? Well, I prefer the Isla Mujeres (Isle of Women, off Cancun, Mx) because it refers to women, warm climate and sea (Caribbean, not Irish), cold Margaritas (not warm beer), yada, yada, yada, :P
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lesley Niyori » Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:54 pm

My hero's latest video is out

Faded by Kim Petras
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hph2mamrzfE
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Thu Jan 25, 2018 7:14 pm

Hi Miki!

Well, I think I'd rather be on an island full of men than women, but that's another thing..... wow, they really go some on those bikes don't they! I'd be terrifified! So, what's the fasted you ever rode then MIki? I know I once got up to over 70 and got very scared, (I'm sure I left nail etchings thru my gloves onto the grips!), it was on my GS450E I had back in the 80's, I usually potted around never faster than 50, especially on my Honda Shadow.... as much as I liked biking circles, all my friends had them, I soon got to liking cars. Oh, I never told you, I once dropped the Shadow doing a U-turn and could not pick it back up..... so embarrassing!!!

Nice vid Lesley, not my kinda thing though, why and the yellow eye shadow.... but lots of fun, so I guess it belongs here on the best thread on the boards!!!! Life is and should always never be without lots of fun as you well know, and like me, advocate and apreciatetate Miss Niyori.

Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lucy-chan » Thu Jan 25, 2018 8:41 pm

Part of me would love a motorbike. Actually a moped, actually a vintage vesper

But id be terrified, probably most things terrify me....

Im at the age where im comfortable with having never gone sky diving.......
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:07 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:So, what's the fasted you ever rode then MIki?

I never liked go fast in a straight line, especially after I was riding a friend's Royal Enfield 750 around 120 MPH and the chain broke wrapping itself and causing the rear wheel to freeze. I was lucky the bike slowed to around 50 MPH before I was able to slide the bike on its side to a stop.

I raced 250cc motocross in the early '70s, but the speeds seldom got above 75-85 MPH. I much rather go through a corner as fast as I can than to see how fast the car/bike would go.

I had 3 bad concussions moto racing so I gave it up after 3 years and took up sailboat racing. (Question: What is the definition of a sailboat - a large hole in the water into which vast sums of money are poured!) I had an out-of-control sail hit me below my eye, causing another concussion, so I stopped racing all-together.

I then took up golf (seriously) and was once hit in my temple by a shanked iron shot. No concussion, but it taught me where to stand when someone is swinging a club.

:roll:
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:28 am

Hi Miki!

There is a fantastically brill racetrack/museum near me. It is called Brooklands and it has a huge collection of motorcycles across the ages. It also has cars, planes, cycles buses and trams and even gives rides on the racetrack, built l like a velodrome, a wall circuit about 30 degree incline I reckon.

The bikes are in perfect order and here's a link to the Motorcycle day they have in July, when owners can ride their vintage bikes on the track. https://www.brooklandsmuseum.com/whats- ... rcycle-day

The track has only a few sections left, but enough for a couple of minutes ride..... here is an Enfield about to go....

Image

And one back in the day, most pictures of the track with cars upon it, but it was used lots for bikes. Brooklands is a great place to go!

Image

Just found this bit about the track itself....
https://www.brooklandsmuseum.com/explor ... race-track

Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Roni57 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 9:27 am

Lots of pun to be had here!

I never raced motorcycles but rode one for years (part of trying to be more masculine). Years ago just after they opened a new interstate highway (that only went to my city) I took my almost new bike out to. See what it would do. 140 mph and I still had 1000 rpm before I redlined but I lost my nerve and slowed down.

Years later I was hit from behind by a tractor trailer and walked away without a scratch, but that was it for me.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:03 pm

Celia, thank you for the link on Brooklands. I had heard of it before.

The Royal Enfields, BSAs, Triumphs are others competed fairly against the Harley-Davidsons and Indians - before the Japanese arrived. Those velodrome type tracks were common prior to WWII with Mercedes-Benz having a test track in the shape of a velodrome and probably the most famous track was Monza. Parts of the original Monza track are still in place and it is a real trick to walk from the bottom to the top of the track without having to crawl.

Roni, I may have over 10,000 miles racing/testing/practicing on motocross tracks but less than 100 miles on streets. I lost a close cousin, a neighborhood kid, and a classmate in the late '60s early '70s to car/bike accidents - no one wore a helmet back then unless you raced. After my own fall, I simply decided not to ride on the streets.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Lesley Niyori » Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:24 pm

Researchers found that those who read romance novels and dramas showed the most empathy, while fiction readers ranked highest for positive social skills (read: they were the nicest). The TV fans studied were the least friendly and empathetic.

I read romance novels all the time in addition to writing them, love fiction and have very little dedication to TV to the point where I have trouble watching an entire show in a single gulp.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sun Jan 28, 2018 5:57 pm

Lesley Niyori wrote:Researchers found that those who read romance novels and dramas showed the most empathy, while fiction readers ranked highest for positive social skills (read: they were the nicest). The TV fans studied were the least friendly and empathetic.

I read romance novels all the time in addition to writing them, love fiction and have very little dedication to TV to the point where I have trouble watching an entire show in a single gulp.


Oh Lesley,

I can enjoy both formats! I am watching re-runs of the old Onedin Line series on tv it's superbical. And I am most empathetical, it brings me to tears quite often.

I do admit to reading the modern penny dreadfuls that bring the odd tear when traveling, or when I can't get a signal on my tablet.

Good TV drama, which England has always had, is very good to watch! I like historical novels and drama, I tend to find I have read the book before the film/tv, but sometimes it's the other way round.

For you to take notice, I recommend to you Anne With An E, actually in fact the Green Gables Canadian drama, from PEI. It is very good my Canadian friend, you can watch it on Netflix, but I am sure it will be out on other stations soon. Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Roni57 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 5:00 am

MikiSJ wrote:Celia, thank you for the link on Brooklands. I had heard of it before.

The Royal Enfields, BSAs, Triumphs are others competed fairly against the Harley-Davidsons and Indians - before the Japanese arrived. Those velodrome type tracks were common prior to WWII with Mercedes-Benz having a test track in the shape of a velodrome and probably the most famous track was Monza. Parts of the original Monza track are still in place and it is a real trick to walk from the bottom to the top of the track without having to crawl.

Roni, I may have over 10,000 miles racing/testing/practicing on motocross tracks but less than 100 miles on streets. I lost a close cousin, a neighborhood kid, and a classmate in the late '60s early '70s to car/bike accidents - no one wore a helmet back then unless you raced. After my own fall, I simply decided not to ride on the streets.


Miki, I would have loved to,have raced when young but for me motorcycles were cheap transportation. When most cars were getting 10 MPG my Honda CL360 got over 40 MPG. That gave me a lot more freedom. I did always wear helmets and leather gloves and jackets for protection.
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Jan 29, 2018 6:34 am

Yes Roni, gloves, strong leather ones, a good leather jacket and helmet are a must, along with proper boots. I drive very carefully, especially around cyclists and motorbikes coz they are very vulnerable. Touch wood, I have never had a bad accident, I fell off the bike a couple of times coz it was too big for me really, but I've never had a car accident, thank god and I'll touch wood again! Celia xx
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Roni57 » Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:56 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:Yes Roni, gloves, strong leather ones, a good leather jacket and helmet are a must, along with proper boots. I drive very carefully, especially around cyclists and motorbikes coz they are very vulnerable. Touch wood, I have never had a bad accident, I fell off the bike a couple of times coz it was too big for me really, but I've never had a car accident, thank god and I'll touch wood again! Celia xx



It seems great Aunt Celia touched "wood" quite a bit as well. :mrgreen:
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Jan 29, 2018 6:08 pm

....especially with the dick clocks.... she spent quite some time tinkering with them, but I durst not print the details here...
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Re: Fun thread

Postby MikiSJ » Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:08 pm

I am getting tired of cleaning my keyboard. Will the two of you return to normal hilarity, please!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby Roni57 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 5:15 am

Dang you Celia, shouldn't you durst? Why I bet great Aunt Celia spent a lot of time cleaning those dick clocks. I wonder if she used wax or just good old elbow grease. Maybe a spit shine once in a while?
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Tue Jan 30, 2018 7:16 am

Well Roni, she wrote that the finest oils used with the finest application of touch got all three clocks running in no time...
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Tue Mar 13, 2018 10:57 am

As I was looking for my old golf clubs in the loft this morning to give to a friend, I saw that other huge blanket box, full of my Great Aunt's journals and photographs, it is twice as big as the first, which I have barely read a handful of! I know how much this news will please you all, yes it means I must write them all here for posterity! So I grabbed a journal from the top. It tells of her time in the Antarctic in 1899, just when Carsten Borchgrevink went there!

She was in a wooden hut, the first to be built in the Antarctic, with Carsten her boyfriend, the rest of the crew were still on the ship readying supplies. Carsten was talking of his favourite subject, wasps.

"I am a world renowned expert upon the Wasp." Carston declared to the lovelorn Great Aunt Celia, as they drunk Raspberry wine. "I was stuck on Baffin Island for 8 years alone with nothing but an entire collection of the world's Wasp and thirty-five books upon the subject! There is nothing I do not know about them!"
"It so happens," Great Aunt Celia declared. "That I have a record of Wasp hums in my backpack! Shall we play it!"
"Yes! And I will indentify the kind of Wasp and astound you with my knowledge! Go on Celia, play the record!"

So Great Aunt Celia played the record.... "Bzzzz bzzzz bzz bzzzzzzzz."

"So what wasp was that?" Celia asked, consulting the little card that came with the record.
"Erm.... well, I have to admit to not recognising that one!" Carsten said, dejectedly.
"Boo! Swizzz! Fake fake!" Great Aunt Celia giggled. "Oh sorry Carsten, I do love you."
"Give me another Celia!" Carsten asked.

"Bzzzzzz. Bz bzzzzzz bbbbbbbzzzzz bzzzz."

"Mr. Carsten? Name that Wasp!" Celia said, dramatically of course.
"Oh dear, let me think, it must be, oh no. I don't know!"
"Boo! Boo!" Great Aunt Celia booed, jigged around, pointed and whistled. "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"
"No no, please, I truly am the number one authority on the world of Wasp, please let me try again!"
"Oh, ok." Great Aunt Celia rolled her eyes. "Here's another!"

"Bzzzzz bz bz bz bz bz bz bzzzzzzzzz!"

"I have never heard of any of these Wasps, there must be something wrong with my hearing. I know my Wasps!"
"Oh, hang on a moment!" Great Aunt Celia held up her hand. "I've been playing the Bee side!"

Well, the marmalade skies shone ever bright as no night came. It was extremely chilly outside as Great Aunt Celia refilled their glasses. Only Gramps Emersen was around, he'd been staring through the same window for hours, his teeth chattering away, icicles forming under his nose. Great Aunt Celia gave Carsten his glass as she sat next to him by the toasty warm stove. "Carsten?" She asked. "Don't you think we ought to let Gramps come inside now?"

Carsten opened the door, the southerly wind sang her song as snow bellowed through the door.
"You got them?" Carsten asked.
"I could not find the Ranunculaceae Sir. I am sorry." Gramps wheezed. "There were only these Fern, but they are pretty!"
"You're bloody useless, but it'll do. Now stay out there and keep guard!" Carsten kicked the old man back out of the door. "Don't look through the window, you are unsetlling my bird!"
"Here my sweet. Flowers for you, I'm afraid being the Antarctic, it's only some ferns!"
"Wow, with fronds like these, who needs anemones?" Great Aunt Celia gasped.

"Oh, I'm tired!" Carsten declared, eyeing up Great Aunt Celia through the corner of his eyes and licking his lips. "Let's go to bed!"
"Yes, you have that bunk over there and I'll have the one.... in the shed next door!"
"Oh no, it's going to get very cold and when sleeping we can't stoke the stove."
"No we can't and neither shall we" Great Aunt Celia sniffed.
"But we can snuggle up together at least. Let's pretend we are married!"
"Ok. Ahem. Sorry Darling, I've got a headache."

Next morning they got ready to go exploring, as explorer type people do. Carsten told Gramps to walk a mile every day to keep warm. He was found frozen solid in 1924, 90 miles away. As they readied the dogs outside the sled dogs little lodging, the Mush-room, a large Snowy Owl, wearing a bra landed on the roof of the Mush-room.

"Hi!" Great Aunt Celia said. "Wow, you are one pretty Owl!"
"Yes, I am, am I not." The Owl with the Bra replied. "Hoo, I said whoo are you?"
"I am Celia and this is Carsten."
"A talking Owl!" Carsten declared. "I'm rich! I found me a talking.... I mean we are rich! Of course."
"Why?" The Owl asked. "I am not letting you anywhere near me. I am way to clever!"
"Ah!" Celia said. "I bet you can't do maths!"
"Oh I can. I am far too clever for words."
"Ok prove it!"
"I'd like algebra actually." The Snowy Owl said.
"Right!" Carsten said. "If N=Z what is ZxH divided by P?"
"What are you going on about, you nincompoop?" The Owl answered. "I want an Owl G Bra, 34 inch. This one's killing me! Must fly, bye!"
And the Owl went to fly off, but skidded down the roof and fell upon his tush. "Skid stuff" He shouted back as he took to the skies.

Great Aunt Celia fed the baby sled dogs, the slush puppies, and closed the Mush-room door. She sprayed some auntie-freeze upon the lock and joined Carsten on the sled in the barking lot.

"I baked us a new pudding for our journey!" She declared. "A Russian taught me how to when I was in Nikolaevsk, when I was trying to buy North of Canada for the British. It's called "Baked Here!"
"Baked here? Oh surely.... never mind Celia!"

So off they went!

Soon they were hungry and had already eaten the pie. Carsten spotted a line of Hare, hippity hoppiting across the ice. He took his gun out and shot the last one. Then the next last one.
"The one's at the back are furthest away." Great Aunt Celia said. "Why are you shooting those first you silly person!"
"I don't know, it's something on my mind."
"Ah! I saw you this morning, inspecting your receding hare line!"
"That'll be it."
Just then the beach came into sight, the cold sea lapped the icy shore. It was full of life, Great Aunt Celia made friends with a Turtle stranger, a Dolphin bipped as she stroked the Turtle's shell, he bipped even more, with Porpoise. It was then the biggest Polar Bear anyone ever saw crept up behind them!

"Boo!" The Polar Bear shouted.
"Aaargh!" The duo screamed.
"Sorry!" The Polar Bear apologised. "I just came to say your ship got sunk by an iceberg. All hands are lost. Burp! Pardon me."
"Yoooooou ate them!" Celia said, screwing her eyes up. "All the men off the Celia Gunnhilda!"
"Burp. Oops!" The Polar Bear replied. "Well................................... no."
"Oh, that proves it!" Great Aunt Celia declared. "Else, why the long paws?"
"Yes!" Carsten agreed. "Mr. Bear, where were you on the night of March to September?"
"I'll give you money!" The Bear said. "Don't shop me!"
"Cold hard cash don't cut the ice!" Celia screamed as the Bear ran off. "You'll hang! We'll track you down! We'll hunt you Mr. Bear!"
"Wait Celia." Carsten said. "Have you actually ever hunted Bear?"
"Well no actually. I did shoot a Rabbit once without a bra on."
"Mmmmm!" Carsten looked at Great Aunt Celia sideways again. "Let's get back to our hut!"

And so the adventure continued!
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Wed Mar 21, 2018 11:38 am

So to continue as Miki has a rather out of shape desk.... If she bangs her head upon just the right places after reading this, the latest truly true and authentic journal of my Great Aunt Celia, it may be like kinda flat again?

So the intrepid explorers were stuck in Antartica after the Celia Gunnhilda got dashed upon the rocks and all the deaded men eaten by the big Polar Bear. They went into the hut and broke out the Raspberry wine.

"Carsten?"
"Yes, my apple and blackberry cupcake with custard and whipped cream topping and hundreds and thousands sprinkled atop?"
"I wish you would not call me that!"
"Why, my apple and blackberry cupcake with custard and whipped cream topping and hundreds and thousands sprinkled atop?"
"It takes my Great Grand-Niece so long to type it right each time!"
"Oh."
"Well Carsten, I was wondering... oh my. So.... am I your first?"
"Oh no, no, no. Unless you were in Hartlepool in '86."
"Waah!"
"Sorry Celia, I can't help being buff."
"I suppose so. Tell me about your first Girlfriend then."
"Ah that was the woman across the road."
"Who was she?"
"Tammy Bonnie McTavish-McDonald."
"Ah, a Switzer lady from Switzerland!"
"Of course. Where else for heaven's sake. I hated the place, though the Swiss flag is a big plus."
"Yes, I know." Celia dabbed the tears from her eye, lifted her bustle and sat upon Carsten's knee. "Where did you meet this Swiss slut whore slag then?"
"Well she kinda lured me I guess. She'd undress at her window, parade outside my house, her bustle all a wiggle and her cleavage all a-wobbling and that below my window. She was stalking me!"
"What a hussy, a whore! I knew a Norwegian neighbour like that, she was a Fjord Escort! And she was a stalker!"
"Yes, it was as clear as day, I could see it all perfectly well, through my binoculars and huge telescope."

Carsten poured some more Raspberry wine. "Then one day she came in through my door, I'd kinda accidentally left it open. She came straight into my bedroom and demanded I took her clothes off."
"Oh, the sheer brass neck of her!"
"I'm sorry, I was shaking. I took them off quickly!"
"Oh no!"
"Yes, I had trouble with her bra though, way too tight!"
"Please stop!"
"The bra left welts on my back for weeks!"
"Eh?"
"Yes. I was busted. I'd accidentally mistaken her clothes as my own upon her clothes line, in her garden 500 yards away."
"Oh I see, I like you even more now!" Great Aunt Celia pondered. "So did you have sex?"
"Not then, but a week later at her place. I made her scream for an hour after first penetration."
"Oh, woe is mine!" Celia sniffed and squeaked "One hour after penwetation? Waah!"
"Yes, you see she noticed that I'd wiped my dick upon her curtains 58 minutes earlier!"
"Oh....."

"Well we have plenty of tinned apricots and custard and 347 bottles of your Raspberry wine, but not much else." Carsten said, lifting Celia up and changing the subject. "I think we should go a hunting for meat down at that river. I noticed a Beaver dam there, let's go!"

So off they went in the dog-sled.
"Damn!" Carsten suddenly said as the sled pulled up by the river."
What's wrong?"
"No dam! There Celia, on the river! I'll get my clothes off and maybe put the rubbbery wet suit on and search through the fishy flora for the Beaver hole."
"Oh, what now, in the snow?"
"I don't want bruise the Beaver!"
"Well go gently, don't get too excited!"
"Let me see if I can tickle the Beaver!"
"Oh."
"Yes I must enter the Beaver cave and stick my hand in and fiddle around!
"Oh, oh, oh. Carsten!"
"I think I should poke something into the Beaver's cavity."
"Ooh!"
"Let's feed the Beaver!"
"Oh, oh, oh, oh!"

Ahem, well after that they decided to trap a beaver and had Beaver sandwiches for tea, my Great Aunt Celia with a warm glow to her rosy cheeks.

Suddenly Carsten got up. "Well as we are going to be here a while, I want to get something clear."
"What's that?" Great Aunt Celia said dabbing her lips of crumbs. "Why are you unbuttoning your strides?"
"Put my trousers on!"
"Don't be silly! They are twice my size, I can't wear those!"
"Exactly. I want it clear who wears the trousers here!"
"Oh, then try my knickers on." Great Aunt Celia threw a pair of her knicks at Carsten. "Go on, put them on!"
"They are teeny weeny! As much as I'd like to, I can't get into your knickers!"
"Yes and that's how it will stay until you change the attitude!"
"Aww. I was ready for you know what."
"Tough titty! Not tonight!"
"Well look, what about letting me bite your nip nips for a little while?"
"For what in return."
"You can trial being in charge for a week."
"Ok!" Great Aunt Celia opened up her cleavage and Carsten snuggled his face betwixt for several minutes. "Hey, I thought you were going to bite them!"
"Hah! I'm all done here. I'm in charge tomorrow, Goodnight.

Then an Australian Captain came in. "Want a lift to Australia?"

Which is covered in the next exciting recollection. Bye! :)
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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CeliaEriksson
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Re: Fun thread

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:07 am

Not the best of mornings, my porridge exploded.... well ok not exploded, but made a mess of my micrywave, then I laddered a new pair of tights with a snag on my thumbnail, I'd filed and missed it. Well, after a little housework, I now have my coffee and one of Great Aunt Celia's almost infinite number of journals and photographs and I'm only on page 4 of 793 of this one. So I shall continue, for I know you, and especially Miki love them so very much....

So Great Aunt Celia sailed to Australia with Carsten who unfortunately got eaten by a big White Whale called Dopey Dick or something, I can't read that bit. So she landed in Melbourne, with a friendly Ostrich called Oscar that Carsten had given her and traversed the Great Down Under.

Image
Great Aunt Celia & Oscar, 23rd September 1900

She parked Oscar outside a bar and decided to have some Raspberry juice in a nice looking little bar. Soon she had the attention of many locals. She sat at the bar and pulled out a cigarette. A man in a hat with corks all-a-dangling about, leapt forward and lit it for her.

"Well actually I don't smoke." She cooed and pulled the lit bit off of the end. "I just like to look sophisticacated you know."
"Oh, sorry Sheila!"
"Celia, actually. But I am de-lighted."
"My name's Bruce!"
"Pleased to meet you, I am sure. So what do you do for a living Bruce?"
"I'm a clown!" He laughed, pouring Great Aunt Celia a whiskey.
"Well, a nice jester, but I don't drink, I am a Temperance woman!"
"Sorry, well what do you do?"
"I'm an explorer, I canoed up the Amazon!"
"Oh, you are that Celia of Arabia I have read about. Hey Cobbers! This is Celia of Arabia!" All the men cheered. "What was it like canoeing up the Amazon?"
"Quite an oar deal actually."
"So what's with the Ostrich."
"Oh that was my late boyfriend's."
"Don't see many of them here, we have Emus. How did he get it?"
"Well, whilst in the Desolate Desert, he found an old brass lamp. He cleaned it up and out popped a genie! The genie gave him three wishes for setting free."
"So?"
"Well, he asked for a million pounds, a big chick with long legs and to see a white Whale real close up."
"Oh I see. Listen I should tell you what the boys said, behind ya back when ya came in!"
"Oh, behind my back??"
"Yeh, nice ass!"
"Really!"
"You know Celia, you remind me of my little toe."
"Coz I'm small and cute and delicate, I am supposing."
"No, I'm going to bang you on my coffee table when I'm drunk!"
"Too much, you fiend, goodbye!"

So Great Aunt Celia drove Oscar down the high street and after a bit of a mix up with a few horse and carriages headed for the Great Interior!

Image
Great Aunt Celia, Melbourne 20th September 1900

Oscar seemed to have a will of his own and they traversed many miles together. Soon she drove into a little town called Canberra and she parked outside a really big house and knocked on the door for directions. She was greeted by the High Commisioner!

"Come in!" High Commisioner Albrecht Poopenheimer said, "We are going to have a party next week before the Men's XI play the Ladies' XI at cricket and we are preparing now!"
"Oh." Great Aunt Celia said. She was about to ask directions.... "Do you..."
"Snails!" Poopenheimer exclaimed. "We forgot the snails! Girl, do you know what snails are?"
"Why yes I do!"
"Clever girl, go down to the beach and find me lots of snails, quick! They take a week to prepare!"
"Oh ok."
"Do this and you can attend my party!"
"Ooh party!"

So off Great Aunt Celia went and drove to the beach. There were lots of swarthy, oiled, muscularlar Ozzies there, flexing their muscles and twitching their tight, firm bums in their shorts, running around with their..... ahem ..... anyway 5 days later after her telescope broke, Great Aunt Celia looked for and found a large family of snails and put them in her bucket. She drove her trusty Ostrich back to the big house.

She could see Poopenheimer pacing up and down and using her spying wiles, she covertly sneaked up unseen. She heard him cursing about why she had taken so long getting the snails! She quickly hid the bucket and lined the snails up in a row.

"Mr! Mr!" She shouted. "We are back!"
"Oh. There you are!" Poopenheimer exclaimed.
"Come on boys!" Great Aunt Celia leant down and shouted at the snails. "We are nearly there!"

Poopenheimer believed her feint! She was invited to the party and was given a ball gown as a present.

Image
The High Commisioner's Party. All The Great Were There

Great Aunt Celia revelled in the party, she spoke at length with the High Commisioner, Albrecht Poopenheimer, Duke of Ratcliff.
"So where is Ratcliff?" She asked.
"It's near Mayfair in London, a most refined place. I sold it for two bananas though."
"Oh." Great Aunt Celia said, taking some stuff out of a tureen type thingy. "How nice!"
"No my darling, you pass the Duchy on the left hand side." Kristina Minnogue said.
"Through Stepney?"
"We play cricket tomorrow Celia." Alice Blackwell interjected. "Ladies versus the Gentlemen. You are titchy, I'd like you to play behind the stumps."
"Won't I get hit with that hard ball if I'm messing about playing games behind the stumps?" Great Aunt Celia replied. "Thanks Alice, but I am Norwegian, I know nothing of cricket."
"Oh it's easy Celia!" Alice laughed. "There are two teams, one out in the field and one in. Each woman that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when she’s out she comes in and the next lady goes in until she’s out. When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get women still in and not out. When a woman goes out to go in, the players who are out try to get her out, and when she is out she goes in and the next woman in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the women and men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all are out, and both sides have been out twice after everyone has been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game! Simple!"

"Yes, thanks Alice, I totally get that now!" Celia looked around. "So is Dame Embla Everigge going to play too?"
"Of course, but she plays for the Wonga Wonga XI, not a good team." Alice said. "My 95 year old Gran is with them, she spends the longest time on the crease, believe it or not!"
"Wow, at 95!"
"Yes, she irons the shirts."
"Oh."
"We have to beat the men this year, they are so terribly conceited!"
"I agree, especially that man over there. Why does he keep blowing his nose with sandpaper?" Celia coyly pointed across the room. "He does it when nobody is looking."
"Men!" Alice declared. "They invented the box protector in 1870 and the headguard in 1974. It's clear where their priorities lie!"
Alice and Celia chuckled.
"But we at in 1900!"
"Oh yes, sorry Celia I forgot!"
"How long have you played cricket?"
"Oh a long time, it's in the blood. I am captain and from a long line of cricketers, I'm going to ensure it continues!" Alice caught the eye of a handsome man in a cowboy hat. "We must win tomorrow Celia, Archie Benode, the Cricket Supremo is watching. Shhhh. here comes Reg Normmann, the famous golfer!"

Well next day, the Gentlemen fielded first and Alice was, of course, smashing the ball all over the ground. Celia thought she'd get a better view of her new friend's superb batting so she made her way to the stands. Celia was number eleven as the only bat left was as nearly big as her! She made her way around the packed stand and spied a seat. Alas it was reserved.

"Sorry, this seat is my wife's seat." An old man sitting there said. "But I guess you can have it, I could use some company!"
"Why thanks, I might be some time though with Alice Blackwell at the crease!"
"Yes, it's been quite lonely sitting here on my own watching such a good game with nobody to share it with." The old man smiled. "My wife and I bought these seats, in trust for 100 years, we've used them for nigh on forty-five years."
"Oh." Celia looked about her as the crowd cheered another boundary. "Won't she be back soon?"
"No. She died."
"I'm sorry. Is there nobody in your family that could use this seat to keep you company, or any friends, distant relatives, casual aquaintances?"
"Not today there's not, they are all at her funeral!"

So the Ladies scored 432 from 50 overs and Celia took the gloves. She only let 187 byes through, a personal best, but the Ladies still won! More Great Aunt Celia's adventures, in Australia again soon!

Image
"Only 187 byes!" Gt. Aunt Celia wrote.

Celiaxx
Last edited by CeliaEriksson on Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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CeliaEriksson
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