The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

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The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby SophiaSensate » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:56 pm

So I am Sophia, and I just came out publicly after more than 25 years of knowing. I am 31 now. As a result of my coming out I now feel like I can do something with the 7 years of artwork I was hiding from everyone. It includes music, video, and of course the skeleton of a non profit organization. I'm frantically trying to hold back virality of my content with tag obscuring etc until my website launches... hopefully this week... but I just released an album on bandcamp and publicized it to a selective audience. The theme is Ally Activism, and if anyone wants to hear it PM me for a link. I do not want to make it easy for the lurkers to doxx me or others, so that's why there is no public link. You're free to share it with anyone you trust. Viral is bullshit. Word of mouth is key.

Anyway, I was on the verge of suicide through most of january. I had dropped out of my theatre program in 2010 and was frantically working on my master coming-out strategy for that time, while taking too many bipolar meds and just making private art and learning many tools. Well I had enough of my family's judgement and policing of my thoughts. They are zealots. I will not doxx their religion.

One day the clouds lifted. 17 days ago, or maybe 18 now. I became manic, but not psychotic. My bipolar disorder allows me to blend in the roughest places... Well, I was able to learn how to come out from the psych ward. It made a good practice environment for telling people. 10 months ago I came out to a whole psych ward (and my mom). Well 17 days ago I came out to almost everyone. My dad gets to hear last... he has been emotionally abusive my whole life. So suddenly the burden is lifted and I'm quitting coffee, cigarettes, weed, and toxic masculinity. So far I've successfully cut back all 4 to very low consumption.

I left my dad's place and spent the rest of my savings on a week in a hotel, and now I'm living temporarily with a family member while I try to find a disabled friendly/trans friendly workplace to hire me temporarily so I can use the money to achieve my goals. I was so afraid to work before, and the barriers with mild accessibility concerns (back and leg pain/instability) has led to some compromises as far as my education goes already.

So anyway, I'm ready to seize the world with my new self. I'm Sophia Rodrigue, I look forward to talking with all of you :) <3
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby Papillon » Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:25 am

Welcome, Sophia. Thank you for th introduction. It sounds like you've Ben though a rough patch. You will find support and empathy from many here.

It get easier.
Fear is the mind killer.
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby CeliaEriksson » Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:28 am

Hi Sophie!

Well I hope all goes smooth for you and you can reach all your goals in work, your art and your life. Welcome to the boards and I look forward to reading your posts and writing again with you. Celia xx
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby Lesley Niyori » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:49 am

Hello Sophia.

Another Canadian, cool. I live in rural central Ontario, I'm originally from Quebec. How close are you?

Sounds like being transgender is just one of a number of challenges. Most of us here understand most of your issues, so you will be able to talk about any of your troubles with at least someone on a been there done that basis.

Yeah, I've seen a mental health ward from the inside myself. In my case, it was dangerous levels of suicidal depression. I've also worn the label of disabled since 94, so I know about coping with that too. In my case for fibromyalgia.

I've been fortunate with family and community.

I'm also an artist, I do landscape paintings among other things. It relaxes me and makes me feel capable.

I've been 'out' in varying sums of degree 5 years now, 3 as totally out and I have reached that long-sought goal of being post-op.

You can offer me that link if you wish, I am unsure what I might need it for, but I have numerous close transgender friends I respect that might be of help to you that can be trusted. One is a transgender female guitarist I know in California. I will mention to them you doxx concerns.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby SophiaSensate » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:08 pm

Thanks for the support, everyone. I'm just now trying to find housing... I had to leave a toxic environment.

I'll send you the link. I dunno if my mashups and remixes are your style but I'll try to remember to send it after lunch. Mostly it concerns activism and deposing the rulers of our corrupt society... I think it's time for alliance between activist channels, in spite of any differences.

I'd love to see some of your landscape paintings sometime, Lesley.

Does anyone else feel that they have had a lifetime of putting others' needs before their own health and safety? I'm becoming more and more desperate to succeed all of a sudden, since all my chips are on the table and many dangerous people could identify me and have me killed. Financial security is the only option at this point... do or die time, I guess...

Thank you,

Sophia
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby Lesley Niyori » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:14 pm

Here is an example Sophia

Image
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby SophiaSensate » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:38 pm

That's beautiful. Sorry if my comment earlier seemed a bit overdramatic. I was being absolutely serious though... I'm sure you understand.

I realized I neglected to respond to your earlier query about my location. I am in the Greater Toronto Area. I have to be vague because I will be applying for work and moving literally anywhere. I would relocate to an all new country at this point if work became available... I know I am employable but my disability has held me back in the past... I'm going to work though, I have to get away from these horrible people.

I'll share some pics in a min once I figure out how. Does it have to be hosted externally? I have loads of 3d art, and the profile pic is just the most recent example. I'd love to get work doing that... Unfortunately I have a really shitty family that constantly belittles my ability to do anything and makes me hide in the closet because they try to out-crazy me. Hah!

Sorry for rambling. I've been losing my mind a bit with this housing nonsense. Oh, and the fact that my university is the home of King Asshole J Pederson and I'm adopting a very public persona in antithesis to everything he stands for. Maybe it's a bit much while coming out, but it's a plan years in the making, and others could benefit from what I have planned next for the LGBT activists.

If you want to skype, PM me. I could use some like minded friends...

Sophia
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby Lesley Niyori » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:08 pm

Hey Sophia

Nice to know you are near, sad to hear your kin are being so harsh.

Hey, I say this in sincerity, You can assume you have a place here (my place) if you need it in a pinch. I don't know you, you don't know me, but, hey, it's the sort of person I am. I'm 90 minutes northeast of ya, and if you find yourself at the corner of William street and Russell street you can wave and I'll see ya :)

Ya, I recall Pedersen, a total jerk. People need to give him a dose of his own medicine, refuse to call him Mr, refuse to acknowledge his credentials, just call him 'asshole' to his face. Just tell him "hey, just exercising my prerogative to address you as I see fit". Not professor, not anything he deems his due. On meeting him it would be "Hey asshole". And yes, he's a bigot according to the dictionary definition of bigot.

Definition of bigot. : a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially: one who regards or treats the members of a group (such as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance.

Seeing as he's so devoted to language. I, by the way, am quite the wordsmith myself.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby SophiaSensate » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:27 pm

I lol'ed when you said he's devoted to language. He's a clinical psychologist and he's abusing his privilege as a U of T professor to build a fascist platform.

Thank you for the offer! I would need employment before I move, and I plan to move to wherever they are hiring... any country, any planet, any solar system... you name it! But we can definitely get to know each other and hang out, and I'll consider your offer if things get hairy.

Anyway, here's some of my best work:

[IMG]http://i64.tinypic.com/fxqg5u.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i65.tinypic.com/33c6wk8.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i64.tinypic.com/10mon50.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i64.tinypic.com/sgheu1.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i66.tinypic.com/2bnw48.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i63.tinypic.com/mih2c8.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i67.tinypic.com/2i8x7w0.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i67.tinypic.com/2d0cqyq.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i65.tinypic.com/25insxe.jpg[/IMG]


Edit: it would appear because I'm new that I can't embed yet. Sorry! Hopefully someday this post shows up correctly, but for now... you're welcome to copy/paste the links ;)
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby Demon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 9:52 am

SophiaSensate wrote:Does anyone else feel that they have had a lifetime of putting others' needs before their own health and safety? I'm becoming more and more desperate to succeed all of a sudden, since all my chips are on the table and many dangerous people could identify me and have me killed. Financial security is the only option at this point... do or die time, I guess...

Thank you,

Sophia


I can be your bodygaurd, but at a price. I am very callous and will not hesitate to neutralize anyone who is a threat to you.
my life is mostly pain
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Re: The Surreal Realization and The Aftermath

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:12 pm

SophiaSensate wrote:I'll share some pics in a min once I figure out how. Does it have to be hosted externally? I have loads of 3d art, and the profile pic is just the most recent example. I'd love to get work doing that...Sophia


Welcome to the TG Boards, Sophia. There is a thread titled, " Post you artwork here <3". Search the General Section to find it, then display to your heart's content.
"My family as begged me to shame not the name of Romeo, but thy male will commit suicide, and die. I will then take thy holy name of Juliet, and be baptized anew as a cute teen girl!"

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