I need support

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Re: I need support

Postby CeliaEriksson » Wed Sep 20, 2017 3:19 am

Hi Nicky,

Glad to hear things are moving on nicely for you. Keep us posted and write here more!.... :) Take care, Celia xx
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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Re: I need support

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Thu Sep 21, 2017 10:51 am

MyNicky wrote:. . . . however I had a huge personal victory; I had a job interview and I went wearing lip gloss, breast forms and my shoulder length hair out in all its glory and long story short, I got the job!
. . . . but it's an exciting sign of the progress so far!


If it is a roller coaster ride, Nicky, then at least you are screaming for the thrill and joy of it, instead of screaming out of fear, trepidation, and uncertainty !

On a more somber note, the more you progress, and the more you accomplish the tenets of your transition, the mental, emotional, and social price climbs higher and higher. Where you once may have declared that you will never, NEVER, to this or that, later you will bite your tongue and go ahead and do that very thing, if it means addressing another milestone in your transition. I know, I had to do the very same. I paid my price, as astronomical as it became, and have now reached most of my gender goals, but now am fighting to have no regrets over the unsuspecting and grossly inflated price of having peace of mind, heart, and soul.
I'm Ponytails, a Twin Tail SpunGold

"Put all of our dreams and wishes into these Twin Tails;
Just like how we live by our streaming hair;
With Red Courage;
And Blue Love;
And Yellow Hope; to draw strength from...."

" TAILS ON !"
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Re: I need support

Postby MyNicky » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:59 pm

Well it seems the backside has fallen off the world. I've been booted out if my own home (yet again) and I've been living out of my car with nowhere to go. It's an unnerving feeling not feeling safe in your own home, but having video evidence of being verbally and physically assaulted is a scary reminder. Every time I've sought help in the past the overwhelming response is "suck it up".
I need to get out of here. Oh, if only I could dive into cyberspace and live.
Do what makes you happy and don't back down.
Never negotiate away who you are.
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Re: I need support

Postby CeliaEriksson » Wed Oct 11, 2017 4:10 pm

Oh Nicky, I am so sorry about that! I hope someone can help you. Living out of a car is a very bad thing, I wish you find a place very soon, that really is terrible. How can people just say suck it up? Have you tried YMCA or gone to the council about it? We have a thing called 'shelter' in England that help someone in your situation, do you have that? Where do you live maybe someone here can help? Celia xx
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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Re: I need support

Postby MyNicky » Thu Oct 12, 2017 1:48 am

I'm well and truly on the other side of the world! I hail from Down Under! We have 'Community Housing' here, and it was they, whose exact words were 'you might just have to do it tough for a few days, these things have a way of sorting themselves out.'
This was just over a year ago, the last time things got bad.
A brutally honest moment, the only reason I went back that time was because I had nowhere else to go. I was away from home for 6 weeks in a less than ideal situation. This entire year has been about building bridges and trying to find peace.
I honestly don't know where to go from here. I've only just started a new job, so I have only one payslip to try and live off.
"Home" doesn't feel like a safe place to be. I had to sneak in before dawn just for a clean set of clothes. I can't face being screamed at again. I just don't know what to do.
Do what makes you happy and don't back down.
Never negotiate away who you are.
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Re: I need support

Postby MorganWoolf » Thu Oct 12, 2017 2:10 pm

I presume this means you have no friends who are willing to let you crash with them huh?
Do the folks at work know you're transgender?

Are you building any friendships or relationships with anyone at work?
Do not place me by a star where only it's light can encompass me, instead place me in the darkness. There I can behold the lights of all the stars in the universe.
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Re: I need support

Postby MyNicky » Thu Oct 12, 2017 9:33 pm

I've only been on this job for one month, so it seems kinda creepy to ask so soon. Made one friend at least, but Murphy's Law at play, its their last day on the job today, so that sucks. I'm not out in the open about being transgender, at least not yet. My hair is still growing out beautifully and I haven't used men's deodorant in at least a year, and I still wear a very light pink lip gloss every day, so I like to think I'm still just taking baby steps. I feel like I need to find stability in my personal life before coming out.
Do what makes you happy and don't back down.
Never negotiate away who you are.
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Re: I need support

Postby Dean » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:49 pm

MyNicky wrote:Quick update, nothing new on the relationship front, however I had a huge personal victory; I had a job interview and I went wearing lip gloss, breast forms and my shoulder length hair out in all its glory and long story short, I got the job!
So I don't wear 'the girls' every day because it's quite physical work and I've had interesting experiences with wayward silicone in the past.
Also, I'm now 3 sessions into my laser hair removal and am absolutely loving the results so far. Regrowth is beginning to look really patchy, so it kinda looks worse now because if that, but it's an exciting sign of the progress so far!


That's awesome news about the job!! congrats! Glad to see you're happy with how things are progressing so far. :)
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society." -- Mark Twain
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Re: I need support

Postby Roni57 » Fri Dec 01, 2017 3:25 pm

New here but I can so relate to you Nicky. I had started wearing more and more feminine clothing mostly under my regular clothes but also a few more fitted tops and the cutest low cut jeans ever. She must have noticed (finally) went looking and found my stash.

We had a huge fight with her calling me a fag and telling me she wanted a divorce etc. I gradually talked her down a bit, reminding her of all of the good times we have had together and how much I loved her. I must admit I was surprised at the venom of her speech. This is a woman who grew up in the dance community and had many many alternative lifestyle friends. For her to express such hatred shocked me.

So I threw out my stash and tried to be a good boy but the cutest little sweater dress caught my eye one day. Now I again have a large stash (better hidden) and try to be less out in the open. For instance right now it's panties and leggings under thin jeans. But I know that the day will come when she again finds my stash.

For right now output lives are just too entwined, a divorce would be ridiculously costly. My hope is to make it to retirement age, sell our assets and then find an opportunity to talk about....
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Re: I need support

Postby MyNicky » Tue Dec 12, 2017 1:39 am

It all comes back to the little things. I just try to find that middle ground between doing enough to keep myself happy without rocking the boat. It's like walking on eggshells some days, trying to find that balance.

Oh, and I'm now 6 sessions deep into laser hair removal, and the biggest difference I've noticed is the shadow under my skin is heaps lighter. Make no mistake, hair is still growing, but it's a lot lighter already. And the woman who does the laser tells me I have beautiful skin, so I'll take that as a win!
Do what makes you happy and don't back down.
Never negotiate away who you are.
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Re: I need support

Postby Roni57 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 2:13 pm

MyNicky wrote:It all comes back to the little things. I just try to find that middle ground between doing enough to keep myself happy without rocking the boat. It's like walking on eggshells some days, trying to find that balance.

Oh, and I'm now 6 sessions deep into laser hair removal, and the biggest difference I've noticed is the shadow under my skin is heaps lighter. Make no mistake, hair is still growing, but it's a lot lighter already. And the woman who does the laser tells me I have beautiful skin, so I'll take that as a win!


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