Where is she?

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Where is she?

Postby Demon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:35 am

I read the topic "hard days are hard". And then I realized, I do not give a shit like they do.

Where is the girl in me? The girl that used to be obsessed with being pretty? I don't know. My mind is...gone. Like "poof"...gone. I am a zombie. I am not afraid to die.

Each day I feel like I have less and less identity at all. I search for something to identify as, and at most, I can find some burning rage. That is all. So maybe "conversion therapy" is possible after all.

Stats:
My sex drive is 0.
My desire to work is 0.
My empathy/sympathy is 0.
My desire to participate in games is 0.
My desire to help anyone is 0.
My desire to save the world from Trump/make a better society is 5/10.
My desire to to chores is 0.
My desire to do math/science/programming is 0.
My creativity is 0.
My desire to cook food is 0.
My desire to hold a conversation with someone is 0.
My drive to drive is 0.

In fact I do not even have the desire to make anyone suffer sometimes.

My ideas of gender are about 0. I am a man in the sense that I am not afraid to die. Bring on the pain. I am not afraid of you motherfuckers.

I still have one female fantasy though. Where I am a very specific girl. But I am not going to tell you the fantasy. No, it is not a sexual fantasy, that is not why I cannot tell. The reason I cannot tell is because if I tell, I am afraid the fantasy will not come true.
Actually I have another fantasy where I am a girl as well, but again, cannot tell for the same reason.

So yeah, go ahead and post about how I am not a real transwoman. I don't care. Bring on the pain motherfuckers. I'm not afraid of any of you.

Also, I have one more thing to say. My heart has been broken, contributing to my mental mindloss. Shattering and destroying my sanity. It should be a federal crime to break someone's heart. Punishable by prison. I have the mental trauma to prove the damage.

So why not spend some time in the abyss, and keep me company in the void...Let's maximize your pain and delight in your meaningless suffering, as more souls multiply to suffer in a meaningless cacophony of life called the "circle of world".
my life is mostly pain
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Re: Where is she?

Postby Papillon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:37 am

May I ask you something?

I was a member of another forum, where once there had been another member who did not stay long.

You remind me very much of that person. It involved a story about a bear headdress. Are you that person?
Fear is the mind killer.
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Re: Where is she?

Postby Demon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:31 pm

Papillon wrote:May I ask you something?

I was a member of another forum, where once there had been another member who did not stay long.

You remind me very much of that person. It involved a story about a bear headdress. Are you that person?


Don't see what my post has to do with bears, but let me ask you this. How long ago was this? And why do I remind you of this person exactly?
The other thing I will say is this, my IP address is always changing, so it is not possible for you to be tracking me via IP.
So the only other option, is that this makes me believe that you believe you have some sort of magical telepathy powers.
my life is mostly pain
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Re: Where is she?

Postby Bea » Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:37 pm

Demon wrote:
Papillon wrote:May I ask you something?

I was a member of another forum, where once there had been another member who did not stay long.

You remind me very much of that person. It involved a story about a bear headdress. Are you that person?


Don't see what my post has to do with bears, but let me ask you this. How long ago was this? And why do I remind you of this person exactly?
The other thing I will say is this, my IP address is always changing, so it is not possible for you to be tracking me via IP.
So the only other option, is that this makes me believe that you believe you have some sort of magical telepathy powers.


Your writing style, rhetoric, and fixations are distinct.
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Re: Where is she?

Postby Demon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:40 pm

Bea wrote:
Demon wrote:
Papillon wrote:May I ask you something?

I was a member of another forum, where once there had been another member who did not stay long.

You remind me very much of that person. It involved a story about a bear headdress. Are you that person?


Don't see what my post has to do with bears, but let me ask you this. How long ago was this? And why do I remind you of this person exactly?
The other thing I will say is this, my IP address is always changing, so it is not possible for you to be tracking me via IP.
So the only other option, is that this makes me believe that you believe you have some sort of magical telepathy powers.


Your writing style, rhetoric, and fixations are distinct.


If I am so distinct then why are there apparently other people who write the same way as me?
Second of all my writing style was heavily borrowed from another person. There is another person I copycat another style from as well. Their names however shall remain anonymous.
my life is mostly pain
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Re: Where is she?

Postby Papillon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:29 pm

Uncle Val doesn't have magic powers, alas. Just a finely honed instinct.

And no, I'm not tracking you. Pure quesswork.

PS but I *CAN* control lightning!
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Re: Where is she?

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:59 pm

Demon wrote:I still have one female fantasy though. Where I am a very specific girl. But I am not going to tell you the fantasy. No, it is not a sexual fantasy, that is not why I cannot tell. The reason I cannot tell is because if I tell, I am afraid the fantasy will not come true.
Actually I have another fantasy where I am a girl as well, but again, cannot tell for the same reason.


The demon girl, Demon, and the fallen angel girl, Caravelle, both share a fantasy world where they are both cute teenage girls. That world, although not viewed or enjoyed very often between us, may or may not be the fantasy mentioned above. But that fantasy world is real enough, real enough to me, anyway.
"My family as begged me to shame not the name of Romeo, but thy male will commit suicide, and die. I will then take thy holy name of Juliet, and be baptized anew as a cute teen girl!"

-Juliet, from Romeo&Juliet, Ep6: Wondering Son anime
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Re: Where is she?

Postby Demon » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:48 pm

CuteButLooksPregnant wrote:
Demon wrote:I still have one female fantasy though. Where I am a very specific girl. But I am not going to tell you the fantasy. No, it is not a sexual fantasy, that is not why I cannot tell. The reason I cannot tell is because if I tell, I am afraid the fantasy will not come true.
Actually I have another fantasy where I am a girl as well, but again, cannot tell for the same reason.


The demon girl, Demon, and the fallen angel girl, Caravelle, both share a fantasy world where they are both cute teenage girls. That world, although not viewed or enjoyed very often between us, may or may not be the fantasy mentioned above. But that fantasy world is real enough, real enough to me, anyway.


fantasy world aint real enough to me unless i see it then ill believe it.

Papillon wrote:Uncle Val doesn't have magic powers, alas. Just a finely honed instinct.

And no, I'm not tracking you. Pure quesswork.

PS but I *CAN* control lightning!


Are you calling yourself or someone else Uncle Val? I am so confused right now.

Also, can you really control lighting or are you bluffing?
my life is mostly pain
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