Being called Rebecca.

[Medli]

So I've been referred to as Rebecca in text for quite awhile among certain groups of people, but I've come out to a lot more recently and I'm not used to being called Rebecca over voice and it's... weird..... I just feel anxious and like I don't deserve to be called that, especially when I reply back in my male voice... I just feel like I'm being dishonest and I try to be an honest person so it's uncomfortable for me...

[julie.chan]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It can feel like they're only saying it because they think you want them to say it. That's why I hesitated for a really long time to even tell anyone what my new name was going to be. Then again, that was easy for me, because "Julian" isn't the most obviously masculine of names and it's not much work from there to just chop off the last syllable.

My only suggestion is, keep working on it.

As far as voice training goes (because that was a massively important thing for me, too), I have a few tips:

1. Always practice using the most feminine voice you can manage without straining your voice. Remember, making your voice feminine is largely a matter of raising it really high, but without going into falsetto. This involves a lot of muscle training.

2. Practice... how do I put this?... using your neck muscles to shove your adam's apple into your head. It's a convenient way to hide your adam's apple anyway, but these same muscles you use to do this are involved in making it go up while you're speaking, so for me at least it was a useful training exercise.

3. Change the way you control volume. The normal male way it's done deepens it and that is not what you want. Instead, you need to do it in such a way that you're basically just using more air. It's really hard to explain, but you can start getting a feel for what I mean by whispering at varying volumes (though to be clear, whispering is hard on your voice and I wouldn't recommend doing it regularly, just once or twice to get the feel for what you need to do).

4. Treat your new voice as your only voice. Think in it. Use it when you're muttering to yourself. Use it when you're screeching angrily at the TV because of the GODDAMN MEDUSA HEADS!!! Your old voice should become a distant memory and nothing more.

5. Practice using your new voice when you're coughing and sneezing, too. Not fake coughs, mind. This is something to practice the next time you get infected by the common cold.

Good luck with the voice, the looks, and everything else!

[Lesley Niyori]

Some things seem to be incredibly resistant to change.

The word 'girl' when I talk to myself, you know, that inner voice you hear when not spoken aloud.

I tell myself common phrases like "you go girl", or "time to go to bed young lady" and the word just seems to sound 'odd'.

And it doesn't seem to matter that I can look at myself in the mirror naked, staring right at breasts and a vagina, and yet, that inner voice has trouble with believing "I'm a girl".

I never radically altered my first and middle names. I altered the method of spelling, feminized them. I have often wondered if I had chosen something entirely knew, would I be experiencing that sort of inner disbelief too. I have always liked the name April. I have also pondered choosing to go by mom's last name as well. In one of my romance novels, I actually write about someone that is basically me, and I called her April Muncey I don't think I have mentioned this to my mother before.

But central to our identity, is our own acceptance of the fact, we ARE who we say we are. And it is indeed one of the biggest moments in a transgender person's transition, to legally become our new name. It tells the whole world, "hey, this is real to us, not a phase, not a scam, not a delusion, we are who we say we are".

When you can see your real name on your ID, it then no longer matters to that idiot stupid inner voice, you actually ARE that person

I really am a girl named Lesley Niyori. It doesn't matter if the phrase sounds odd inside my head hehe.

[AbbyGray]

It's weird to have to use two names at the same time, only a few use Abby at the moment, but when I get emails addressed to Abby in my work email from the LGBT office was very heart warming. I had to stopy self from answering a shout to a Abby on the street last night, to the woman behind me!

[Lesley Niyori]

Fun is being misgendered and deliberately ignoring them

Sir? Sir!? SIR!?

Then looking at them "Who in the hell are you yelling at?"

[marie]

Funny thing! I'm not comfortable with my male name anymore and I'm not out to anyone. I'm Marie now in my mind because for better or worse I've accepted that I'm female no matter how I sound or look. That woman you see in my avatar is me. Truth be told when I look in the mirror now I don't see a man but a woman who who's been masculinised.
So I suppose it's a state of mind really.
You are a woman and your name is Rebecca.

[Kaylalovescupcakes]

Hey, you'll get there. It's gonna feel weird for a while, but you'll get used to it over time. It took me a solid couple years before my voice sounded consistent. Same with the name thing. I did the same kinda thing as julie.chan and just dropped the "B" sound off of Caleb to get Kayla, so it wasn't quite as bad as it could've been for me, but that was more for other people's sake than my own. Julie's tips on voice training are really good. (I've heard the adam's apple thing before, and I can do it, but I've honestly never used it. In my experience people just don't notice. If you want to try it, it's like swallowing really hard and holding your throat muscles there.) In addition to looking for things specifically for trans voice training, try looking up some singing lessons. It will drastically improve your vocal control and makes voice training a lot easier. Focus on practicing "head voice". Also, try doing impressions of female characters on TV or whatever, and try singing along with songs with a female vocalist, and try to match the timbre of their voice. Doesn't matter if you're a good singer, just do it and over time you'll improve.

[Medli]

Yeah, sounds like working on my voice will help. I just feel awkward talking to myself or trying things among people I talk to always, hmm, I'll find something though. I know it's like not directly related to transitioning but I also feel like losing weight would help, as a guy I haven't cared too much about my appearance like, it wasn't like I could look how I wanted, but now that I'm starting this I care a lot more.

Hmm... I'm just not sure how much I need to do for me to start feeling like my identity is valid.

[julie.chan]

I just feel awkward talking to myself or trying things among people I talk to always

That's the trick. You just have to force yourself to not care what people think and do it anyway.

What mentally got me past this hurdle, personally, was this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SrdRyQQ63s

[SophieCantDance]

"The point of this is to troll kids on xboxlive"

Hilarious context for a very helpful video ;p

[julie.chan]

Yeah, his motive is kind of funny, but his video was helpful anyway.

[Medli]

It's nice to hear the video is good... I should really just watch it, I just always get nervous about things like this even if it wouldn't make sense to be.

[julia-autumn]

Tell me about it! I asked my partner to start calling me Julia, and she has had no problem with it at all, or using she/her for that matter. But more often than not, it's still a challenge for me. It is jarring, and brings up all sorts of conflicting feelings - lots of imposter syndrome for sure (just like you say, not deserving to be called that). I'm just out to a few people and know that if I didn't face any risk of being Julia 24/7, I'd be there in a heartbeat. But I'm an anxious bean and it's a process. The most important thing is to be comfortable exploring. You have a supportive network of friends and that's awesome! You can also change from Rebecca in the future if you want - there's nothing wrong with that either. Another thing I've realized is that you just don't get called by name that often! You takes over. So getting practice acclimating to that name reality is hard, strictly in terms of how often you get to hear others using your name.

[Lesley Niyori]

The question is really, how will you deal with being called Becky

[SophieCantDance]

I am fortunate in this regard; I worked for years in day camps, and we always had a 'camp name'. This has made it extremely easy for me to acclimate myself to new names. Since coming out to some of my friends and family (and choosing a name for that matter) it has been a very natural thing for me to be called Sophie, even by myself. I even caught myself absently calling myself Sophie when I made a mistake while playing Overwatch: "Come on Sophie, get your shit together."

Like others have mentioned, it is really just a matter of repeated use. I am pretty sure that if I was able to be comfortable being called things like "Jester" and "Fire Breathing Dragon" most people will be able to be comfortable being called an actual human name ;p

As a side note, Rebecca is my sister's name, so in my opinion you have picked well.

[Medli]

The question is really, how will you deal with being called Becky

no pls

[Medli]

It's good to know I'm not alone at least, when it comes to being trans one of the biggest things is me worrying I'm like fake somehow and I don't feel things strong enough so I'm just wrong for thinking these things and it's nice to have a place where I can get more reassurance.

And yeah, I am really grateful for my friends, apparently a couple had suspected it for awhile so it wasn't even really made a big deal, people just accepted that I'm Rebecca now and that was all there was to it.

I mean when I'm in group chats and all that names are thrown around fairly often to make it clear who you're addressing or who you're referring to it and I am growing a bit more accustomed to it. Working on my voice will def help tho.

I play Pathfinder so I get where you're coming from, just I dunno, it's still more impactful to be called Rebecca than to be reffered to as Riley or Iska.

[SophieCantDance]

Firstly, Pathfinder is great. Maybe if there are enough of us here we could get a game going. I know that there are virtual options for tabletop games, though I've only ever played in person.

Secondly, I apologize. I definitely understand that it is more impactful to be called your name, and I was not trying to belittle your experience. I often find that I have put my foot in my mouth unintentionally.

[Lesley Niyori]

Veteran role gamer here. Just thought I'd say it here as Pathfinder was mentioned.

Lost count of how many designs I have experienced since Gary invented the origins.

[Medli]

I've only ever played Pathfinder over Discord calls, so I'm used to doing it with no visual aid.

Oh, don't apologize, it's okay.

[Lesley Niyori]

I've only ever played Pathfinder over Discord calls, so I'm used to doing it with no visual aid.

Oh, don't apologize, it's okay.

I wouldn't have any problem playing a game remotely like that.

[SophieCantDance]

From what I have been told by friends, the online option are pretty great. Interactive maps, sending notes to players or the DM, digital rolling (not that I could ever suffer not rolling physical dice).

[Medli]

From what I have been told by friends, the online option are pretty great. Interactive maps, sending notes to players or the DM, digital rolling (not that I could ever suffer not rolling a physical dice).

Generally digital rolling is required so you can't lie about your rolls.

[SophieCantDance]

oh, I guess. But...I don't know, why would you lie about your roles? You are there in theory just to have fun and play a game. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe I am too honest by nature to undertsand.

[Demon]

Rebecca, what you are feeling is that toxic masculinity inside you waiting to get out.

Your whole life they brainwash you to not be a sissy, man up, feel shame at wearing pink, etc. It is your brainwashed mind being pumped full of fear of not living to their ridiculous masculine standards. There is a second component to it, all the internet hate and fear mongering about trans people, makes you feel afraid to expose yourself to society, like they are all a conspiracy to get you and if someone hears your name they share it all around to the conspiracy.

I too experienced feeling afraid of people saying my name, well I first experienced this when I came out of the closet and told my lesbian aunt that I was trans. She immediately made me pick a girl name and then I also took a selfie that night, in the selfie I looked like a dude and so being called the girl name made me feel awkward. Its like in my fantasies I am a girl but in real life, I dont want to be viewed as some dude in a dress, so being called a girl name when i dont pass makes me feel weak and exposed, it opens me up to a whole can of social shaming, girls dumping me, and my friends leaving me, when I could hide behind a shield of toxic masculinity.

That being said there is a way to get over this, if you simply assume the person on the phone isn't a bigot, imagine they are just a regular person like Chad from Saturday Night Live who doesn't give a shit about anything. For example, if some transwoman on the phone with a deep, masculine voice, on the phone asked me to call them Nicole, I wouldn't give a shit, I'd call them Nicole, it doesn't bother me none. Just imagine how you would react to another transwoman on the phone, even if they sounded like a man's voice, would it really bother you? No not really, it'd just be cool and you'd go about your day.

Honestly, the real test here is videogames. In videogames are you comfortable playing as a girl character and using a girl username online? If so then you are trans. If so then what you feel in real-life is just shame of your own body and ego-shaming. Because in a videogame you are safe and know noone will harm you, and you also know that in online reality noone gives a shit if you have a female avatar. But you know in real life that people find it taboo to want to change your sex. And that in real life people can hurt you physically or hurt you so bad emotionally that you may fight them and get in trouble. That is what the main source of your fear and shame comes from. What you are feeling does not mean you are a fake person, but that you are ashamed of social judgement and that you feel uncomfortable in your own body.

[purplehorn7]

I have many trans friebds as well as questionihg my own gender , You do deserve to be called what you want to be called, your doihg a brave thing you are being who you are in front of the world so many people don’t so you advslourtly do deserve to be called Rebecca

[Lesley Niyori]

Rebecca, what you are feeling is that toxic masculinity inside you waiting to get out.

Your whole life they brainwash you to not be a sissy, man up, feel shame at wearing pink, etc. It is your brainwashed mind being pumped full of fear of not living to their ridiculous masculine standards. There is a second component to it, all the internet hate and fear mongering about trans people, makes you feel afraid to expose yourself to society, like they are all a conspiracy to get you and if someone hears your name they share it all around to the conspiracy.

I too experienced feeling afraid of people saying my name, well I first experienced this when I came out of the closet and told my lesbian aunt that I was trans. She immediately made me pick a girl name and then I also took a selfie that night, in the selfie I looked like a dude and so being called the girl name made me feel awkward. Its like in my fantasies I am a girl but in real life, I dont want to be viewed as some dude in a dress, so being called a girl name when i dont pass makes me feel weak and exposed, it opens me up to a whole can of social shaming, girls dumping me, and my friends leaving me, when I could hide behind a shield of toxic masculinity.

That being said there is a way to get over this, if you simply assume the person on the phone isn't a bigot, imagine they are just a regular person like Chad from Saturday Night Live who doesn't give a shit about anything. For example, if some transwoman on the phone with a deep, masculine voice, on the phone asked me to call them Nicole, I wouldn't give a shit, I'd call them Nicole, it doesn't bother me none. Just imagine how you would react to another transwoman on the phone, even if they sounded like a man's voice, would it really bother you? No not really, it'd just be cool and you'd go about your day.

Honestly, the real test here is videogames. In videogames are you comfortable playing as a girl character and using a girl username online? If so then you are trans. If so then what you feel in real-life is just shame of your own body and ego-shaming. Because in a videogame you are safe and know noone will harm you, and you also know that in online reality noone gives a shit if you have a female avatar. But you know in real life that people find it taboo to want to change your sex. And that in real life people can hurt you physically or hurt you so bad emotionally that you may fight them and get in trouble. That is what the main source of your fear and shame comes from. What you are feeling does not mean you are a fake person, but that you are ashamed of social judgement and that you feel uncomfortable in your own body.

Well said demon.

[Shizuku]

Quick question, amiga. You shot down the nickname Becky, but what about Bex (or Becks), Becca, Reba, or Remi?

I still haven't gotten used to hearing my name out loud, but I've only heard it from a therapist so far. Although it made me feel giddy, since I'm still presenting as male for the time being, it was awkward to hear in public. I know I'll get used to it, though.

[Lesley Niyori]

I coped out with my name, sort of.

Lesley is merely spelled different, and Roberta was a simple modification.

But I actually enjoy hearing the difference in the sound. And unlike him, I prefer the full pronunciation, Lesslay. I don't care for Les.

But my ears have never had to readjust to a totally new name. I sometimes wonder if I should have picked something fully new.

Given a choice, I seem fond of April. I also like Elizabeth my mom's middle name.

If I stumble over 200 bucks some day, who knows, I might consider changing it again.

April Elizabeth Niyori. I'd like that too.

[Medli]

Quick question, amiga. You shot down the nickname Becky, but what about Bex (or Becks), Becca, Reba, or Remi?

I still haven't gotten used to hearing my name out loud, but I've only heard it from a therapist so far. Although it made me feel giddy, since I'm still presenting as male for the time being, it was awkward to hear in public. I know I'll get used to it, though.

These are all fine.

[Shizuku]

Alright, cool. I'm totally gonna call you Bex if you're okay with that, amiga.

[ARTrans]

I have a similar thing with the pronouns - I have started telling people to address me as she her etc as thats what I felt would help. It feels really strange in workplace when people do it. Im hoping I will get used to it and make me feel better