Being called Rebecca.

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Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:16 pm

So I've been referred to as Rebecca in text for quite awhile among certain groups of people, but I've come out to a lot more recently and I'm not used to being called Rebecca over voice and it's... weird..... I just feel anxious and like I don't deserve to be called that, especially when I reply back in my male voice... I just feel like I'm being dishonest and I try to be an honest person so it's uncomfortable for me...
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
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Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby julie.chan » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:16 pm

Yeah, I know what you mean. It can feel like they're only saying it because they think you want them to say it. That's why I hesitated for a really long time to even tell anyone what my new name was going to be. Then again, that was easy for me, because "Julian" isn't the most obviously masculine of names and it's not much work from there to just chop off the last syllable.

My only suggestion is, keep working on it.

As far as voice training goes (because that was a massively important thing for me, too), I have a few tips:

1. Always practice using the most feminine voice you can manage without straining your voice. Remember, making your voice feminine is largely a matter of raising it really high, but without going into falsetto. This involves a lot of muscle training.

2. Practice... how do I put this?... using your neck muscles to shove your adam's apple into your head. It's a convenient way to hide your adam's apple anyway, but these same muscles you use to do this are involved in making it go up while you're speaking, so for me at least it was a useful training exercise.

3. Change the way you control volume. The normal male way it's done deepens it and that is not what you want. Instead, you need to do it in such a way that you're basically just using more air. It's really hard to explain, but you can start getting a feel for what I mean by whispering at varying volumes (though to be clear, whispering is hard on your voice and I wouldn't recommend doing it regularly, just once or twice to get the feel for what you need to do).

4. Treat your new voice as your only voice. Think in it. Use it when you're muttering to yourself. Use it when you're screeching angrily at the TV because of the GODDAMN MEDUSA HEADS!!! Your old voice should become a distant memory and nothing more.

5. Practice using your new voice when you're coughing and sneezing, too. Not fake coughs, mind. This is something to practice the next time you get infected by the common cold. :P

Good luck with the voice, the looks, and everything else! :)
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Lesley Niyori » Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:46 am

Some things seem to be incredibly resistant to change.

The word 'girl' when I talk to myself, you know, that inner voice you hear when not spoken aloud.

I tell myself common phrases like "you go girl", or "time to go to bed young lady" and the word just seems to sound 'odd'.

And it doesn't seem to matter that I can look at myself in the mirror naked, staring right at breasts and a vagina, and yet, that inner voice has trouble with believing "I'm a girl".

I never radically altered my first and middle names. I altered the method of spelling, feminized them. I have often wondered if I had chosen something entirely knew, would I be experiencing that sort of inner disbelief too. I have always liked the name April. I have also pondered choosing to go by mom's last name as well. In one of my romance novels, I actually write about someone that is basically me, and I called her April Muncey :) I don't think I have mentioned this to my mother before.

But central to our identity, is our own acceptance of the fact, we ARE who we say we are. And it is indeed one of the biggest moments in a transgender person's transition, to legally become our new name. It tells the whole world, "hey, this is real to us, not a phase, not a scam, not a delusion, we are who we say we are".

When you can see your real name on your ID, it then no longer matters to that idiot stupid inner voice, you actually ARE that person :)

I really am a girl named Lesley Niyori. It doesn't matter if the phrase sounds odd inside my head hehe.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby AbbyGray » Sat Jan 13, 2018 3:12 am

It's weird to have to use two names at the same time, only a few use Abby at the moment, but when I get emails addressed to Abby in my work email from the LGBT office was very heart warming. I had to stopy self from answering a shout to a Abby on the street last night, to the woman behind me!
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Lesley Niyori » Sat Jan 13, 2018 6:20 am

Fun is being misgendered and deliberately ignoring them :)

Sir? Sir!? SIR!?

Then looking at them "Who in the hell are you yelling at?"
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby marie » Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:27 am

Funny thing! I'm not comfortable with my male name anymore and I'm not out to anyone. I'm Marie now in my mind because for better or worse I've accepted that I'm female no matter how I sound or look. That woman you see in my avatar is me. Truth be told when I look in the mirror now I don't see a man but a woman who who's been masculinised.
So I suppose it's a state of mind really.
You are a woman and your name is Rebecca.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Kaylalovescupcakes » Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:23 pm

Hey, you'll get there. It's gonna feel weird for a while, but you'll get used to it over time. It took me a solid couple years before my voice sounded consistent. Same with the name thing. I did the same kinda thing as julie.chan and just dropped the "B" sound off of Caleb to get Kayla, so it wasn't quite as bad as it could've been for me, but that was more for other people's sake than my own. Julie's tips on voice training are really good. (I've heard the adam's apple thing before, and I can do it, but I've honestly never used it. In my experience people just don't notice. If you want to try it, it's like swallowing really hard and holding your throat muscles there.) In addition to looking for things specifically for trans voice training, try looking up some singing lessons. It will drastically improve your vocal control and makes voice training a lot easier. Focus on practicing "head voice". Also, try doing impressions of female characters on TV or whatever, and try singing along with songs with a female vocalist, and try to match the timbre of their voice. Doesn't matter if you're a good singer, just do it and over time you'll improve.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:55 pm

Yeah, sounds like working on my voice will help. I just feel awkward talking to myself or trying things among people I talk to always, hmm, I'll find something though. I know it's like not directly related to transitioning but I also feel like losing weight would help, as a guy I haven't cared too much about my appearance like, it wasn't like I could look how I wanted, but now that I'm starting this I care a lot more.

Hmm... I'm just not sure how much I need to do for me to start feeling like my identity is valid.
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby julie.chan » Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:07 pm

I just feel awkward talking to myself or trying things among people I talk to always

That's the trick. You just have to force yourself to not care what people think and do it anyway.

What mentally got me past this hurdle, personally, was this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SrdRyQQ63s
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby SophieCantDance » Tue Jan 16, 2018 11:30 am

"The point of this is to troll kids on xboxlive"

Hilarious context for a very helpful video ;p
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby julie.chan » Tue Jan 16, 2018 11:41 pm

Yeah, his motive is kind of funny, but his video was helpful anyway. :lol:
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:41 am

It's nice to hear the video is good... I should really just watch it, I just always get nervous about things like this even if it wouldn't make sense to be.
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby julia-autumn » Wed Jan 17, 2018 1:50 pm

Tell me about it! I asked my partner to start calling me Julia, and she has had no problem with it at all, or using she/her for that matter. But more often than not, it's still a challenge for me. It is jarring, and brings up all sorts of conflicting feelings - lots of imposter syndrome for sure (just like you say, not deserving to be called that). I'm just out to a few people and know that if I didn't face any risk of being Julia 24/7, I'd be there in a heartbeat. But I'm an anxious bean and it's a process. The most important thing is to be comfortable exploring. You have a supportive network of friends and that's awesome! You can also change from Rebecca in the future if you want - there's nothing wrong with that either. Another thing I've realized is that you just don't get called by name that often! You takes over. So getting practice acclimating to that name reality is hard, strictly in terms of how often you get to hear others using your name.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Lesley Niyori » Wed Jan 17, 2018 1:55 pm

The question is really, how will you deal with being called Becky :)
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby SophieCantDance » Wed Jan 17, 2018 3:07 pm

I am fortunate in this regard; I worked for years in day camps, and we always had a 'camp name'. This has made it extremely easy for me to acclimate myself to new names. Since coming out to some of my friends and family (and choosing a name for that matter) it has been a very natural thing for me to be called Sophie, even by myself. I even caught myself absently calling myself Sophie when I made a mistake while playing Overwatch: "Come on Sophie, get your shit together."

Like others have mentioned, it is really just a matter of repeated use. I am pretty sure that if I was able to be comfortable being called things like "Jester" and "Fire Breathing Dragon" most people will be able to be comfortable being called an actual human name ;p

As a side note, Rebecca is my sister's name, so in my opinion you have picked well.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Wed Jan 17, 2018 5:50 pm

Lesley Niyori wrote:The question is really, how will you deal with being called Becky :)

no pls
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Wed Jan 17, 2018 6:07 pm

It's good to know I'm not alone at least, when it comes to being trans one of the biggest things is me worrying I'm like fake somehow and I don't feel things strong enough so I'm just wrong for thinking these things and it's nice to have a place where I can get more reassurance.

And yeah, I am really grateful for my friends, apparently a couple had suspected it for awhile so it wasn't even really made a big deal, people just accepted that I'm Rebecca now and that was all there was to it.

I mean when I'm in group chats and all that names are thrown around fairly often to make it clear who you're addressing or who you're referring to it and I am growing a bit more accustomed to it. Working on my voice will def help tho.

I play Pathfinder so I get where you're coming from, just I dunno, it's still more impactful to be called Rebecca than to be reffered to as Riley or Iska.
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby SophieCantDance » Thu Jan 18, 2018 11:18 am

Firstly, Pathfinder is great. Maybe if there are enough of us here we could get a game going. I know that there are virtual options for tabletop games, though I've only ever played in person.

Secondly, I apologize. I definitely understand that it is more impactful to be called your name, and I was not trying to belittle your experience. I often find that I have put my foot in my mouth unintentionally.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Lesley Niyori » Thu Jan 18, 2018 11:27 am

Veteran role gamer here. Just thought I'd say it here as Pathfinder was mentioned.

Lost count of how many designs I have experienced since Gary invented the origins.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Thu Jan 18, 2018 2:59 pm

I've only ever played Pathfinder over Discord calls, so I'm used to doing it with no visual aid.

Oh, don't apologize, it's okay.
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Lesley Niyori » Thu Jan 18, 2018 4:08 pm

Medli wrote:I've only ever played Pathfinder over Discord calls, so I'm used to doing it with no visual aid.

Oh, don't apologize, it's okay.


I wouldn't have any problem playing a game remotely like that.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby SophieCantDance » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:18 pm

From what I have been told by friends, the online option are pretty great. Interactive maps, sending notes to players or the DM, digital rolling (not that I could ever suffer not rolling physical dice).
Last edited by SophieCantDance on Fri Jan 19, 2018 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby Medli » Thu Jan 18, 2018 11:07 pm

SophieCantDance wrote:From what I have been told by friends, the online option are pretty great. Interactive maps, sending notes to players or the DM, digital rolling (not that I could ever suffer not rolling a physical dice).

Generally digital rolling is required so you can't lie about your rolls.
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
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Re: Being called Rebecca.

Postby SophieCantDance » Fri Jan 19, 2018 8:25 am

oh, I guess. But...I don't know, why would you lie about your roles? You are there in theory just to have fun and play a game. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe I am too honest by nature to undertsand.
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