I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuality

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I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuality

Postby Hugs4TheHomeLez » Fri Oct 27, 2017 6:17 pm

So, I have always thought that if someone identifies as woman (ie. Is a trans woman) and likes women, then she is a lesbian/homosexual, and if she likes men, she is straight.

And vice versa for men.


So, I just want to make sure I'm right and that I'm not being ignorant before I go around telling ppl that.

What should I say when people ask that question?

(if a trans woman likes women is she gay or straight?)

Im a cis woman btw, just a supporter

Thanks everyone!
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Zedarius » Fri Oct 27, 2017 7:33 pm

It works the same way it does with cis people. A trans-woman is a woman - therefore if she is interested in/dates other women she is lesbian/gay. If she is interested in/dates men then she is straight. The same, but vise versa for trans-men.
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Hugs4TheHomeLez » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:08 pm

That's exactly what I would assume, but I wanted to be sure there wasn't something I was missing or not getting right before I started telling that to other people, since I myself am not trans
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Zedarius » Fri Oct 27, 2017 10:47 pm

No problem.
It usually works the same as what you'd call yourself or anothe cis person... though if you're unsure - it never hurts to asks :)
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Andina » Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:54 am

Yes, my wife accuses me of turning her into a lesbian against her will.
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Kaylalovescupcakes » Sat Oct 28, 2017 10:25 pm

Idk, that's how I always thought it worked. But then again there have been plenty of times I've mentioned on other boards that I'm with a woman and I get called a "transbian" and told that I'm not really trans and just have a fetish, and that if I was really trans I'd want to date men.
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Zedarius » Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:49 am

Kaylalovescupcakes wrote:Idk, that's how I always thought it worked. But then again there have been plenty of times I've mentioned on other boards that I'm with a woman and I get called a "transbian" and told that I'm not really trans and just have a fetish, and that if I was really trans I'd want to date men.


Usually those kinds of things are people thinking/confusing gender and sexuality as the same thing...

At least in my experience - there are quite a few trans people where I live, and all go by what I stated above. (Straight or gay/lesbian).

I don't like the term "transbian/transgay"; the only times I've ever heard/seen it used, was by people with the mindset "your trans, not a woman/man" or "you used to be a man/woman so can't by gay/lesbian" or they think you/the person has some fetish. In my opinion it objectifies the fact someone is trans and allows trans people to be singled out; and seperated from a group/label the identify with. No offense if you like it/identify as that. I just don't like the term...

From my understanding - It can be used to seperate cis lesbian/gay people from trans lesbian/gay people... and could cause a lot of problems (if not now, in the future)
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby BK199 » Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:58 pm

Kaylalovescupcakes wrote:Idk, that's how I always thought it worked. But then again there have been plenty of times I've mentioned on other boards that I'm with a woman and I get called a "transbian" and told that I'm not really trans and just have a fetish, and that if I was really trans I'd want to date men.




"and that if I was really trans I'd want to date men."

so, cis lesbians aren't real women?

tell them to fuck themselves.


besides, most trans are bi. those people shold be brutallybeaten. period
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby marie » Sun Oct 29, 2017 5:56 pm

Andina wrote:Yes, my wife accuses me of turning her into a lesbian against her will.
Ha ha my wife never said that but I think it's a fear she has. On the other hand she stopped having sex with me long before she knew anything about me being trans. So I don't know what her problem is. I don't know why she thinks that any man would find it acceptable to being celibate with a wife who simply won't address the issue as a problem. I mean seriously if I was a straight man who hadn't had sex in years despite being married. How would I find that acceptable?

I personally am bi or that's how I see it. But in reality being trans I would prefer being with a man because I see myself as a woman. In the real world that will never happen.

I got married to a woman because I was in denial but I did find her attractive even though she now has no interest in me sexually. I'm no longer sure where I stand with her but I do know that I prefer men sexually and women are people just like me.

So frankly if I was to ever to transition. I would prefer a man but I wouldn't object to a woman.

To be perfectly honest, being celibate for far too many years. I would welcome intimacy with any person. The sad reality is that it's likely I will never make love with anyone again.

I've given up on my wife but I doubt anyone will want sex with me again.

Except for one scenario, if I was to transition.

Hmm!
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Zedarius » Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:31 pm

Andina wrote:Yes, my wife accuses me of turning her into a lesbian against her will.


I've never understood when people use this arguement, or say this to a partner, ect. It makes no sense to me... A person is either gay/lesbian, or they're not. You can't "make/turn someone gay". There is a difference if they may have been gay/lesbian/bi, and hid/denied/recently found out they are. That's something they've come to find out - and would likely eventually happen whether you're together or not. My veiw with meaningful and important relationships is that gender and sexuality aren't as important as the actual person...

As I've said, it makes little sense to me to be accused of "making/turning someone gay"...
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Zedarius » Mon Oct 30, 2017 1:33 am

jentay1367 wrote:I would think if you're not having sex with your spouse and she or he refers to the "your turning me gay" comment, it more than likely is toungue in cheek andmeant asa joke. Wouldn't you think? My spouse says it all the time but it has no value because there's no coitus taking place under our roof, so it's rather a meaningless and goofy statement meant in jest.


I could see that happening... I guess it comes down to the person, way its said and tone :)

With my post above, I didn't really have much context to go off... It was worst case. I'm in no way saying it is/has to be a bad thing (depends on circumstances).

I'd love to have a partner who I could joke about it with... It makes me jealous of some of you guys... but until I have the confidence - I'm content with waiting until I'm ready to have/find that :)
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Andina » Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:15 am

Zedarius wrote:
Andina wrote:Yes, my wife accuses me of turning her into a lesbian against her will.


I've never understood when people use this arguement, or say this to a partner, ect. It makes no sense to me... A person is either gay/lesbian, or they're not. You can't "make/turn someone gay". There is a difference if they may have been gay/lesbian/bi, and hid/denied/recently found out they are. That's something they've come to find out - and would likely eventually happen whether you're together or not. My veiw with meaningful and important relationships is that gender and sexuality aren't as important as the actual person...

As I've said, it makes little sense to me to be accused of "making/turning someone gay"...

You are correct Zed, what she really means is I made her appear to others as lesbian. In the earlier days of my transition it became the doomsday factor in our marriage - her "dreams for the rest of our life have been shattered". In actual fact we have never had a more comfortable relationship than we have now. Raised as a Catholic she was indoctrinated into giving her husband sex whenever he wanted but NEVER enjoying it. I've relieved her of that responsibility :).
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby DawnF » Mon Oct 30, 2017 9:35 pm

Even though I am a biological man, I consider myself to be a transwoman lesbian. I will confess (blush!) that I often fantasize about having SRS and then having intimacy with a biological man, but, I would rather make love to a biological woman than a biological man, because I do not know that I could put-up with most men!
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby marie » Tue Oct 31, 2017 3:19 pm

I didn't wait for SRS to have sex with a man. 8) I think in truth when it comes to relationships I would prefer men even though I too barely put up with most men. But I have met a few who quite frankly I fell in love with. Remember you don't have to like all men just the right one. I prefer the company of women though and although I call myself bisexual. I wonder if my attraction to women is largely a result of trying to conform.

I do think we can get all tied up in definitions though. Really it's all about relationships. I think in truth it's the person you are attracted to not their sex. Maybe that's a woman's attitude.

But in my fantasy world I'm a married to a lovely man who really loves me. In the real world I'm married to a woman who used to love me. But who is comfortable with me despite that fact that I effectively betrayed her by coming out as TG.

Who said life is easy?
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby DawnF » Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:35 pm

I am married, too, and my wife says that I have betrayed her and that "This is not what I signed up for." But, as I told her, "This has been the way that I have always been," even if she did not realize that.

Sorry to derail this thread, and so, I'll stop now.
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Demon » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:32 pm

BK199 wrote:"and that if I was really trans I'd want to date men."

so, cis lesbians aren't real women?

tell them to fuck themselves.


besides, most trans are bi. those people shold be brutallybeaten. period


i agree.

Also I think we need another term in the dictionary, transignorant.
There are transphobes and there are transignorant.

A transignorant allows males to wear girls clothes, but calls them the wrong pronouns. An example is CNN, Fox, NBC news etc, are transignorant because they misgender all transwomen criminals.

A transignorant will say, "Oh you want to be a woman? Then you have to date men."
its like, No, i want to be a lesbian dude.
They just dont understand. They will go on an on about if you are a woman, you must automatically like men, as if it is set in stone ordained by the gods or something.
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby DawnF » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:40 pm

Demon,

Your signature makes me sad to think that you are in pain. I do wish you well.

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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Demon » Thu Nov 16, 2017 5:05 pm

DawnF wrote:Demon,

Your signature makes me sad to think that you are in pain. I do wish you well.

Dawn

Thanks. I been wishing a lot too though, lot of good it does me.
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby DawnF » Thu Nov 16, 2017 8:03 pm

Never quit, Demon; no turning back. You're going to make it; we all will. I know that this may just sound "nice" but I know that it is true!
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Cherry Cola Lola » Fri Nov 17, 2017 2:37 pm

Demon wrote:
BK199 wrote:"and that if I was really trans I'd want to date men."

so, cis lesbians aren't real women?

tell them to fuck themselves.

They will go on an on about if you are a woman, you must automatically like men, as if it is set in stone ordained by the gods or something.


Insightful! Consider if that statement was reversed it would sound down right normal, that is, if anything about nominal male culture can be considered normal.


They will go on an on about if you are a man, if you're a "real man," you must automatically like women, as if it is set in stone ordained by the gods or something, because it WAS set in stone by God! Well set in stone by some primitive iron age war god, but god none-the-less. And then comes the spitting, I think to mark their territory. I never did figure out the whole spitting thing when I was in guy mode. Why did I take every opportunity to cross some bridge only to develop the urge to spit off it? it was like a biological necessity and then it hit me.

Upon deeper introspection it probably had something to do with the magic of creation. That was our loogey, created in our own body. Something that grew inside of us that we send out into the chaotic world. Something a woman could never understand. That was my spit, tumbling through space and time, picking up speed exponentially as it speeds towards it's inevitable demise and it's own mortality. As it splats on the ground or preferably on someone's head under the bridge, we knew in some small way, that we had taken part of the magic of creation. Think we got bonus man points for hitting someone. Remember that? Sometimes it's best to just savor the mystery of life.

When I started taking anti-T and E, I almost immediately lost my desire to spit all over and gratify my self overly much at night, If you get my drift. My world opened up and I realized I didn't have to spend every waking hour trying to decide where to go spit. Should I spit alone or with other guys? With out the creative energy of too much testosterone, I simply lost my desire to spit. I seem to avoid it now as something seemingly dirty.

:(
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby BK199 » Sat Nov 18, 2017 11:20 am

spittng etc.

this is what bugs me. the more i delve in to tg, the more i see there IS clearly shit that is the male / female eexperience masculine /feminie, and we dont know what it is. we dont know who or what we are, we are in a dark age, lost . told what it means to be boy or girl, so much we dont know the truth, WHICHEVERE it turns out to be

the lies told about what it means, or just as bad, that it means nothing.


reminds me of fight club

can i be an FTM withbehaviors that feel good without being told i'm a retarded, immautre, uncivilized ogre?

i'm tired. the girl police and the boy police have invaded us completely, and left us no private property
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Cherry Cola Lola » Sat Nov 18, 2017 11:47 pm

BK199 wrote:spittng etc.

this is what bugs me. the more i delve in to tg, the more i see there IS clearly shit that is the male / female eexperience masculine /feminie, and we dont know what it is. we dont know who or what we are, we are in a dark age, lost . told what it means to be boy or girl, so much we dont know the truth, WHICHEVERE it turns out to be

the lies told about what it means, or just as bad, that it means nothing.


reminds me of fight club

can i be an FTM withbehaviors that feel good without being told i'm a retarded, immautre, uncivilized ogre?

i'm tired. the girl police and the boy police have invaded us completely, and left us no private property


I noticed another peculiar psychological phenomenon when I started HRT. The more I experience E, the less I actually relate too or desire to be like, other ciswomen. Rather than transcending my birth gender in favor of the other, I feel as though I'd wish to transcend both genders and make a new one.

I also feel like it's entirely a psychological exercise and ready to happily label myself as trans"whatever," here on out. :D
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Re: I need to get my facts straight about gender and sexuali

Postby Demon » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:39 pm

Cherry Cola Lola wrote:
Insightful! Consider if that statement was reversed it would sound down right normal, that is, if anything about nominal male culture can be considered normal.


They will go on an on about if you are a man, if you're a "real man," you must automatically like women, as if it is set in stone ordained by the gods or something, because it WAS set in stone by God! Well set in stone by some primitive iron age war god, but god none-the-less. And then comes the spitting, I think to mark their territory. I never did figure out the whole spitting thing when I was in guy mode. Why did I take every opportunity to cross some bridge only to develop the urge to spit off it? it was like a biological necessity and then it hit me.

Upon deeper introspection it probably had something to do with the magic of creation. That was our loogey, created in our own body. Something that grew inside of us that we send out into the chaotic world. Something a woman could never understand. That was my spit, tumbling through space and time, picking up speed exponentially as it speeds towards it's inevitable demise and it's own mortality. As it splats on the ground or preferably on someone's head under the bridge, we knew in some small way, that we had taken part of the magic of creation. Think we got bonus man points for hitting someone. Remember that? Sometimes it's best to just savor the mystery of life.

When I started taking anti-T and E, I almost immediately lost my desire to spit all over and gratify my self overly much at night, If you get my drift. My world opened up and I realized I didn't have to spend every waking hour trying to decide where to go spit. Should I spit alone or with other guys? With out the creative energy of too much testosterone, I simply lost my desire to spit. I seem to avoid it now as something seemingly dirty.

:(


I'm starting to wonder if vertigo is the opposite of testosterone. Because I always felt vertigo around bridges, and never spit off of them. But the way you say it, you make it sound so exciting. I never had the desire to spit off bridges before, but after reading you write about it, I feel like after all these years I've been missing out on it. Next time I am on a high bridge, I am going to spit off of it. Thankyou.
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