What was your "AHA" moment?

Share your most memorable experiences

What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby Composed.Chaos » Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:11 pm

I feel like I had an "A-ha!" moment when something in my head began clicking for me, but I think a lot of people probably do. So what was yours like?
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby Danette Celeste » Tue Oct 17, 2017 9:58 pm

A moment of absolute clarity instantly followed by overwhelming relief that turned to sheer panic.

~ Liz
"actually, i just woke up one day and decided i didn't want to feel like that anymore, or ever again. so i changed"

"Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated." ~ Shaw

I am Elizabeth
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby KoroSensei » Wed Oct 18, 2017 6:54 pm

My "aha" moment was me crying in corner of my bedroom, because I hated myself so much that I didn't want to do anything. When I finally pulled myself together, I decided to write a list of the things that I wanted to change so that I could try and work on my problems. When I realized the things I wanted couldn't be achieved because of my estrogen curse, I decided to start googling what was going on with me.
And I found myself here, two days after that break down. And I've been doing a lot better since then.
It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.
-Albus Dumbledore.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby Savage She-Hulk » Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:25 pm

My AHA moment was, needless to say...

I'm odds and ends, but I'll be stumbling away!
Slowly learning that life is OK!
Say after me,
"It's no better to be safe than sorry!"

...I couldn't resist. :P
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby CeliaEriksson » Wed Oct 18, 2017 11:25 pm

Staring in the mirror aged about 14, having put my Mother's foundation and lippy on, getting the foundation all over my black shirt collar and seeing my pretty cousin looking back at me.

My Mother scolded me, shaking the shirt in front of my face the very next morning with ' what's this, don't you dare touch my make-up, I've a good mind to tell your Father.' I said nothing, l remember wondering why l had not cleaned the shirt.
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby kris » Thu Nov 09, 2017 4:48 pm

My ‘aha’ moment was 1987-2014. I had some time to mull it over, I guess.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby MikiSJ » Thu Nov 09, 2017 6:16 pm

Mine occurred sometime in late 1965 when I was wondering who I was after I went on active duty. I remember reading the SF Chronicle about the drag show at Finocchios and one performer, Charles Pierce, in particular. I found out that he (he called himself a male actress) had written a memoir. I ordered a copy and read, and re-read the book and said - this is me.

I spent the next year and half very concerned about my decision and I put me on the back burner for the next 45 years.

My lasting A, HA moment came in late 2012 after I had been retired and no longer had a reason to hide myself.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks. Doodling is allowed. I have started a new chapter but will still use a pencil.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby CamTheFTM » Sat Dec 09, 2017 10:12 pm

The final "AHA" moment that prompted action was reading about a friend's son starting his transition. I read his story, then sobbed as I mowed my lawn, realizing that all the thoughts/feelings I'd had all along resonated exactly with the friend's son's experience. And then, I started the gradual process of altering my life to be me. :mrgreen:
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby Tara » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:50 pm

June 2010, I was researching something entirely unrelated, but followed the link rabbit hole, and ended up on a web page (I don't remember which, now) that gave a very clear definition and description of what it is to be transgender.

And it struck me. That's me they're describing. :-o

That's me.

Wow, that explains so very much. That's me! Hurrah! I mean, oh crap! Or is it yay? I don't know. But that's me.

Yeah, that was my "aha" moment.
~*~ Tara

“What do you fear, lady?” he asked.
“A cage,” she said. “To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby julie.chan » Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:00 am

Many years ago, I was introduced to the idea of gender dysphoria by a documentary that was airing on a local channel. Probably middle school, maybe late elementary school. I thought it sounded exactly like me. I *did* wish I was a girl. But at the same time, I was terrified by what I saw, because yeah, the road that is transitioning is long and genuinely scary. So I latched onto whatever source of denial I could, starting with the false premise that you're only trans if you're delusional about your sex. Many other sources of denial were conjured up in the following years.

How I came out of that denial is a long and very personal story, but the short story is that after a long time, the excuses I came up for my (well-hidden) feminine expressions and desires became too ridiculous. The final nail in the coffin for my denial was when I accidentally stumbled across information about HRT, I read it, and it sounded like exactly what I've wanted all these years. After a few more days of reflection and thinking back through my life, I accepted the truth.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby marie » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:24 am

kris wrote:My ‘aha’ moment was 1987-2014. I had some time to mull it over, I guess.
1972 - 2014. The long 'aha'.

Now I'm in the middle of a long 'Goodbye to all that'. :(
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby SophieCantDance » Mon Feb 05, 2018 4:00 pm

Thread is a little old, but I want to distract myself from my day.

I grew up in a pretty sheltered community. Growing up I was very unhappy, but I didn't have anywhere to put those feeling; simply, I had no idea what it meant to be transgender. The only context in which I had ever been exposed to transgender people was...shall we say extremely negative. I was also severely bullied when I was in primary school, and at the beginning of high school (until a friend of mine started rumours that I was a very dangerous drug dealer.) and so I was conditioned to do everything I could to fit the mould. All that to say that I never had the thought that I was female, I just happened to like femae' things. I used to steal my sister's clothes, play with her barbies. I was made fun of for having female mannerisms, for "running like a girl" (whatever the fuck that means, but I heard it multiple times).

When I was eighteen I slept with a guy for the first time. Suddenly so many things made sense for me, and I figured "Oh, I must be gay." and for a while that seemed to fit. After a couple of months of going out clubbing every weekend, and hooking up with more guys than I probably should have I started to realize that I still didn't feel right in my identity.

And then All Hallows' Eve happened. I had gone to a party without a costume, and upon my arrival was informed that I would need to borrow one if I wanted to get into the party. A friend of mine lent me a sort of super tight jumpsuit, and I think a domino mask as well. A week later I had a work party, and my coworker begged me not to wear the same thing to the work party. So I decided, fuck you and your weird hangups about what I wear to a party. I went to a thrift store and bought a dress, purse, and shoes, my only thought being that I would make my coworker feel even more awkward by my outfit choice. I got home, shaved my legs and armpits, styled my hair, and put on the dress. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. It was like I had been living my whole life locked in a room, and the door had suddenly opened showing me that there was a whole world I hadn't even known existed. I literally stared at myself in the mirror dumfounded for what felt like hours, but was probably more like a minute.

I spent the next few months doing research, and coming to terms with how I was feeling. To my chagrin I took (I am talking only about myself here) the cowards choice: I decided that transitioning would be too hard, that I could survive pretending to be a boy. For nearly a decade I hid a collection of dresses in my closet, and would wear them every time that I was home alone.

In the last six months I've decided that I cannot live this lie anymore. Maybe one day I'll post about that, but then, maybe not. I can be fickle.
Sophie <3
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby Papillon » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:09 am

I didn't have an aha moment. My turn was very complicated. It involved a suicide and a ghost in the mirror.
Fear is the mind killer.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby Roni57 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 6:48 am

In 1980 this pretty small town had one "Out" transgendered woman. (Bless her heart may she rest in peace). I was working as a clerk in the Emergency room one night when she and a small entourage came in, I can't remember now for what or who. There was a pretty, thin young man with her and he was wearing a scarf and some makeup but was otherwise dressed like a boy. I wanted to be him. I wanted to be able to wear what I wanted and be who I wanted to be. I have often wondered about what became of him.

That moment I changed. I no longer felt like a weirdo that liked to wear girls clothes. I still had no real clue but for some reason I knew it was much more and went much deeper than just a fondness for dresses.
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Re: What was your "AHA" moment?

Postby AbbyGray » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:56 am

I would not say An aha, moments just places were my life path split, and I chose what I thought was the easier path little did I know that it lead down a step path to the pits of depression. At lest on the right path now!
Oh if I could go back in time.
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To those who've survived: Breath. That's it. Once more. Good. Your good. Even if you're not, you're alive. That is a victory. Jemisin
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