Is my town nice, or am I oblivious?

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Is my town nice, or am I oblivious?

Postby Lesley Niyori » Mon Sep 25, 2017 6:22 pm

So I live in small town central Ontario Canada eh.

I have lived here since 1967, well that is, he did until I got rid of him.

But it's a small town (21K is small right?). And it's not like no one saw the transformation. Well, I'm guessing it was hardly a secret from anyone 30 and over.

I walk everywhere all the time, at all hours of the day such that the towns bus service all know me and the towns Community Care operation all know me. In fact one day a driver said to me "I see you all over, and you always look pretty". It was nice to hear that.

I like to shop and I like to chat when I shop. And I have never once experienced any form of bias. In fact, when shopping for shoes, I tend to just sit down, and ask the girl to just find me something in my size if possible and then decide if I like the shoes. It usually works.

I'm never misgendered for the most part. I've encountered it outside of town though. But in town retail seems properly polite. I'm actually liked at my local RBC. I've even appeared on their website :)

It's been like 3 years as full-time me, and I have only had 3 experiences of negative transphobia. And one was a jr high brat, and no one takes a brat seriously. The other two were jerks and yes, it upset me for a few days. But 3 instances in 3 years? Not what I call harsh.

It confuses me of course. I participate in a book club of about 20 older women. I'm just one of the girls.
I am part of a hobby club that meets monthly and it's just me and about 20 old men. And they are all respectful to me. And I am part of a group that gathers in a safe place under the management of the CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association). The gang there is a random sample of humanity indeed. And everyone treats me as the girl I am (granted when a person regularly bakes for you, they tend to like you :) ).

So all of this small town niceness, which I am routinely told is unlikely "oh small towns are so close minded", just seems contradictory. I don't think I 'pass' per se, but then, I don't think I look at all like a man either. Nope, I am so not a man in a dress. Perhaps it is my open attitude. I reek of comfortable to be me. I also never do anything contrary to being female. I have not worn a pair of pants since day one of full-time eh. Yes I know, females can wear pants. But I don't like them. And well, men don't tend to wear dresses and skirts. It thus makes me look somewhat feminine.

But the moment I am on an online dating site, suddenly I get asked out of the blue, "are you a man?" as if that is a question an obviously female person wants to hear eh. "Oh yeah, thought I would sign up on PoF and wear a dress and act like I want to date men". Makes sense for a man right?

But it often makes me question my ability to pass. I've had dates where the guy was like "Is this a joke?" within seconds of meeting me. So it's not like I seem to pass that easily eh.

My voice, it is so utterly male sounding. The moment I speak, people's eys seem to fail. "Sir" and I'm left to wonder "How in bloody hell does 'sir' seem like the relevant choice in addressing me? "Do you know that many men that look like me? It must suck for the women where you come from then."

I like to say my hometown is transgender friendly. I just don't know though. I walk around with headphones on, so maybe I'm just not hearing the comments. That, and well, there's like just me it seems half the time. Maybe there just isn't enough of a transgender presence in town. Maybe I'm just 'neat' the token transgender woman.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Lesley Niyori
Posts: 482
Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:27 pm
Location: Lindsay Ontario Canada

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