The Quest for My Package...a FtM story :P

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The Quest for My Package...a FtM story :P

Postby MorganWoolf » Tue May 30, 2017 10:40 am

I don't know how awkward this story really is but I'll try to make it funny to tone down the weird. So, here goes...The Quest for My Package...

Soooooooooooooo I don't know if any of you know, but I was thinking of taking another step and looking for a soft packer. I scoured the internet, took down links, but all in all I was nervous. Not because I was purchasing a packer, but because I wanted to see the thing first so it didn't look like I had some Eldrich Beast leaving my "no no square".

Plus the one I really wanted was $200 and I knew I would feel bad if I got it because I want that money for Haley's transition.

Sooooooooooooooo Haley and I are talking about this and she says, "I saw a soft packer at Fascinations a while back."

And I was like, "O.O....I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR A MONTH WHYDIDN'TYOUSAYTHISSOONER?!"
So, we made our way through Colorado Springs to Fascinations.

And they were sold out.

The nice lady said they weren't selling well but they did plan on getting more. She suggested a brand they carry (and why) and said, "You can look on the internet in the mean time."
SO, I nod, "Yeah okay" and she says....
"Ooooooor, you know, we have other Fascination stores around the Denver area."
And I go...."O.o really?"
And she goes....."Yeah, and there's one in Denver thats...TWO stories tall."
And I go...."TWO stories?"
She says...."Oh yes, and it's near a pot place, and a strip club, and all sorts of fun places!"

Well, it was too late for us to go that day and we had to prepare to go to a family reunion in some town out in the middle of nowhere. And I said to Haley, "Any way we'll be driving through Denver?"
Well, to make a long story short...

We trekked through mountain passes. Watched a hawk get swarmed by seagulls. We drove with the bison herd (yeah, bison) and the young colts and foals!
We attended a tried and true Scottish wedding. I got drunk. Really really drunk. Then we journeyed back (not drunk) the next day.
Over mountains.
Around mountains!
UNDER mountains! (That part was cool)
Until we crossed into Denver, where the rainbows fly free :D
And Haley stressed as she tried to navigate the metropolis' streets. (She has yet to learn that to merge you have turn your signal on first...then try to merge...people aren't psychic).
Until we found it...in all of it's two story glory.
By now I'm back in my chest binder and guy clothes (We aren't out yet to our family so I had to wear at dress at the wedding).
We enter and this lovely trans-lady greets us. I specify trans-lady because when I saw her I thought to myself "OMG YES! THIS MEANS THIS STORE IS PERFECT! THEY'RE TOTALLY ACCEPTING! :D" I couldn't have been happier to see another trans person. She was super cute too.
So she welcomes us and says, "Do you need help finding anything?"
And I blurt out in total weirdo-fashion "WE HAVE HEARD LEGEND OF THIS PLACE! 8D"
And she says, "....oh?"
"Yes, we are from the land of Colorado Springs, and the place down there told us tale of a Fascinations in Denver that was TWO stories tall!"
And she laughs (thank goodness) and giving me this weird look and says, "Yeah, we have two floors. What brings you here?"
And Haley steps in to be the sane one and says, "Oh, we're looking for soft packers."
I had double checked over the phone they were indeed open on memorial day and that they did indeed carry these so she looks and me and goes, "Oh yeah, you were the one on the phone! Follow me!"

And up we went...to the SECOND level. 8D

There were CHOICES! XD
Oh my gosh!
Well, the first few were a little...big. I mean, I know I'm trying to compensate for something here, but there have to be limits. I wanted something more proportional to my body size or I'm going to come off as REALLY insecure (even though deep down I am :( ).
But I found it...the perfect...everything. And she said it was $20.
Haley and I look at each other like WTF?! And I'm all like "IT'S MIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE!"

So we go to the counter.

And this other girl rings me up.

And she says...."Five dollars please."
And Haley and I give her this bewildered look like... "Only five? We were told it was twenty."
And like a sign from the universe she says, "We're having a sale today. It's only five dollars."(I had the $5 foot long song stuck in my head the rest of the day...no it isn't a foot long. Nowhere close. My brain is just weird).

I could get a decent sandwich from Arby's for more than that.

I NOW HAVE MY $5 WEEEENEEEEE! YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!

So, if there is anyone who is FtM near Denver right now looking for a soft packer....Go to Fascinations (call them first) they have them all on sale right now. It's the one on Nevada and Colorado or some such thing like that. There's a strip club near it with a limp shotgun. You can't miss it. They are very professional and they are very concerned with making sure you are well educated in your product as well. So they only carry products they know are safe and will teach you how to take care of your stuff.

AND NOW I HAVE MY WEEEEENNEEEEE! :D

Unfortunately I came down with a bad cold and so I couldn't enjoy my new bits in a conscious fashion. Later that day I was watching South Park with Haley (packer on) and I tied this black fleece blanket over my shoulders, stood up and declared "IMMA SUPER HEROOOOO! YEAHHHH!"

Don't ask. I had a really bad fever. I don't even know where that came from.

So yeah, that's my story. :D
Do not place me by a star where only it's light can encompass me, instead place me in the darkness. There I can behold the lights of all the stars in the universe.
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Re: The Quest for My Package...a FtM story :P

Postby Savage She-Hulk » Tue May 30, 2017 12:22 pm

That's quite a story. It had everything but a fire at the orphanage, as Liberace said in "Behind the Candelabra"... :lol:
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Re: The Quest for My Package...a FtM story :P

Postby Emma2Sprt » Sat Aug 19, 2017 7:50 pm

LOL, I actually understand that weirdness of the brain.

If I were a FtM, I would have had that very same song going through my own head. I might even have been chanting it out loud and maybe even doing the hand dance gesture at some point in the day.
"That's life. It's not always rainbows and farts. Sometimes the farts have a little something extra." -Emma Two Spirit
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Re: The Quest for My Package...a FtM story :P

Postby MikiSJ » Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:46 pm

I don't know how I missed this joyous road trip the first time. Great story Morgan.

I thought the Bison were up in Boulder? Did you know that Ralphie is actually a girl bison disguised as a guy!
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks. Doodling is allowed. I have started a new chapter but will still use a pencil.
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