My continuing adventure

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My continuing adventure

Postby mitzidog » Wed May 03, 2017 1:53 pm

I had a chat with managers at work yesterday and I have my date for coming out at work. On June 20th I will be going in my new clothes. I have managed to get some beautiful Desigual dresses (worth being M2F for on their own :wink: ) cheap off Ebay and will select one of those to wear on my first day.

So excited and have had such great support from my managers. I know there will be people who don't want to deal with it, and others who will be hovering with questions, but it is going to be so liberating, then satisfying, and eventually, I hope, boring.
Last edited by mitzidog on Sat Jul 29, 2017 12:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby MorganWoolf » Wed May 03, 2017 4:42 pm

Yaaaaaaaay!
Congratulations! :D I'm so excited for you!
Do not place me by a star where only it's light can encompass me, instead place me in the darkness. There I can behold the lights of all the stars in the universe.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby Rheya » Tue May 09, 2017 5:49 pm

Congrats! and I can vouch for the boring part being the best part. I still remember when I first realized that being female was no longer a thing to me or anyone, it just was.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Tue May 09, 2017 7:02 pm

mitzidog wrote:I had a chat with managers at work yesterday and I have my date for coming out at work. On June 20th I will be going in my new clothes. I have managed to get some beautiful Desigual dresses . . . . cheap off Ebay and will select one of those to wear on my first day.


Cool !!! Following you will be a re-make in my mind of what I did in 2004. I wish you well. Be prepared and rejoice for the best of responses, and fear the worst of the responses, but know that you did what you had to do with style !
"My family as begged me to shame not the name of Romeo, but thy male will commit suicide, and die. I will then take thy holy name of Juliet, and be baptized anew as a cute teen girl!"

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Re: Coming out date

Postby Lisa_K » Thu May 11, 2017 4:30 pm

Not to be a naysayer or anything but the Devil's Advocate in me has some questions because I'd like to see you succeed in your efforts.

1) How much actual experience do you have going out in public wearing women's clothing? Have you been to the market, gassed up your car, been to the park or gone to a show?

2) Do you use make-up and have any skills with it? How about other toiletries? Probably best to not smack on the Old Spice or something similar and do women's deodorants work for you?

3) Are you experienced with tucking or otherwise containing your genitals to conceal any telltale bumps and have you done this for the duration of a work day and navigated a washroom while doing so?

4) I've read of your designer dresses but do you have a wardrobe sufficient to make it through a work week? Are designer dresses what other women wear at your workplace? Have accessories, shoes, hose, jewelry, handbags and all the other usual rigamarole and paraphernalia? (not saying that you need any of this)

5) Is it your intention to present as a woman and desire to be perceived as one or do you just want the opportunity to wear different clothing? Is this only going to be on some days or are you going to be doing this all the time at work?


These are just a few of the questions I have and I'm sorry if they are too direct or personal. I'm not making any judgments. I get it that you feel work is a safe environment for making your worldly debut but I can't help but think you're going to feel awkward and nervous without some previous experience and built up confidence. Maybe I'm just projecting or trying to put myself in your shoes because I've never really had such an experience and am only guessing but I'd rather get my initial insecurities out around strangers instead of the mates I worked with.

To each their own though. I'm not trying to rain on your parade and do wish you the best of luck and success.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Thu May 11, 2017 4:47 pm

The questions you ask are important Lisa. I have got some colleagues who wear "designer" clothes and these are not high fashion, they are more quirky pretty and I have always been known for a colourful and quirky shirt collection. I only work in the office two days a week, the other days I work from home, so I have enough for at least the first few weeks. Primark is my friend for tops, leggings etc.

I have used make-up before. My university degree was in film and drama, and I both wore make-up day to day and also had to make up myself and others for performances. I am getting some perfume for my birthday which is shortly before coming out day.

I am taking things one step at a time. I will be wearing underwear and leggings that should make tucking unnecessary. I am doing the transition at work because that is a place where I have both legal protection and the emotional support of my managers, both of whom have been wonderful so far. In terms of "passing" I am taking that a step at a time as well. As people at work get used to the clothes I will, I hope, be getting more confident at fully presenting as female. I have agreed to look at name changes in the autumn with my managers so that there is lead in time for HR to make the necessary alterations etc.

I will be presenting as female, subject to the caveats above, for all the days I am in the office. Socially and family is complicated by my wish to take things at my wife's pace as my wish is that she is with me through everything if that is at all possible, but I am now wearing female clothes at home, she has been shopping for essentials and accessories with me a couple of times and we're looking at my new hair for styling this weekend.

It is really encouraging that you are concerned for me, and I am sure I will get things wrong along the way, but I can assure you that this is a considered step, and one I am sure of. Of course I will be nervous on my first day, but excited too.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby Lisa_K » Thu May 11, 2017 5:39 pm

Fair enough then. Thank you for not thinking I was trying to be a jerk and for your reply. I can barely visualize what a challenging albeit rewarding thing this must be. Doing something like this is well beyond anything I have experienced but when I do think about it or try to put myself in your shoes, it seems to be really hard and take a lot courage, strength and conviction. I doubt I would ever have what it takes to do something like this.

Sounds like you have a handle on most things so again, best of luck in your endeavors. :thumb:
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Fri May 12, 2017 6:51 am

Thanks Lisa - the fact is that I know I'll get lots wrong, and I will receive hurtful looks and comments from people who know no better, but work is the place I can take any action on this and feel like I am in control, which is why it's first. It takes a little courage, but given the protection I am afforded by working in the UK public sector, not as much as you might think.

Oh, and you leave my pretty red shoes alone :P :)
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Re: Coming out date

Postby CeliaEriksson » Fri May 12, 2017 6:11 pm

Hi Sweetheart. Sorry but one important thing to add to Lisa's list, hopefully already discussed with your HR dept. Have they covered the bathroom arrangements? I best warn you honey of one thing that will happen for sure unless you have a single all user latrine in your workplace.... 'The Great Bathroom Debate'.

Alpha Females will refuse to share it with you. They will do this just to be bloody obnoxious and difficult. I hope that this has already been discussed and sorted, (if not your HR department is more bloody useless than you think), bring it up as soon as possible to waylay the Alphas and hopefully it can be resolved, long before your special day. It will be one less thing for you to worry about honey. Celia xx
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby Yessie » Fri May 12, 2017 10:10 pm

Good luck, my Dear.
There will be some challenges, yes.
More importantly, you will finally be your authentic self. . . Devil be damned!
There is no greater joy! ! !
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Sat May 13, 2017 5:40 am

Discussed bathrooms. I will use the bathroom that suits my presented gender (i.e. male until June, female after). Management is VERY clear this is OK and will defend me to the hilt. First time in the ladies will be a bit strange I am sure, but like everything, I look forward to it being boring.

One good thing is that the ladies is just outside our bit of the office.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Wed Jun 14, 2017 2:55 pm

Came out to my team in our meeting today. My team is cool and a couple of straightforward "need to know" questions about name and pronouns (not changing either for now - small steps) they were completely cool.

Tomorrow is my first night out "out" with my wife, going to see a comedy gig (Susan Calman who is very lovely and doesn't do audience picking)

Tuesday next week is my first day at work - eep, it's getting close now. Tomorrow morning I am sending an email to the rest of my office colleagues so that they are not crazy on Tuesday - I think they will be overwhelmingly cool, opne or two won't necessarily get it, but I don't think there is anyone cruel at work (and I have the protection of the Equality Act if they are.

It's all very exciting, but then that's probably it for new things until after the summer when I will be looking into facial hair removal - seeing if I can afford electrolysis, especially round the mouth.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Tue Jun 20, 2017 6:48 am

The best thing has happened on my first day "out" in the office. It's a bit of an anti-climax, and not much has been said.

I even went to pickup my prescription (not to do with transition) and the lady in the pharmacy didn't break stride.

I know it won't always be this easy, but for now it's not an issue.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby MorganWoolf » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:34 am

Hats off to your first day! :D
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Sat Jul 01, 2017 4:18 pm

Such a lot has been happening in a relatively short time.

I had my first meeting at work with external stakeholders who weren't aware I was presenting as female. On older gent looked a little flummoxed, but of course everyone remained professional and we had a very useful meeting.

I also went to a public sector conference and spoke up at a fairly large session on inclusion, telling of the support I had received at my work. After I told them I was only in my second week of presenting as female I got a round of applause, which I wasn't going for or expecting, but as a show of support from my peers was wonderful.

Last night I came out to our best friends across the road and they were completely lovely about it. I also came out online to my two oldest friends who now live abroad.

I'm still finding my way, but I am really grateful for the support I have received so far.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby MorganWoolf » Sat Jul 01, 2017 4:44 pm

That's wonderful mitzidog! I'm so glad things are going well. How's 'bout on the home front? Everything good there too? How does your wife feel about all the support you're getting? Is that helping things?

Sorry, I'm bombarding you. I think about you a lot though and I wonder how you're doing. :) I hope things just keep looking up for you.
Congratulations! :D
Do not place me by a star where only it's light can encompass me, instead place me in the darkness. There I can behold the lights of all the stars in the universe.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby MikiSJ » Sat Jul 01, 2017 7:12 pm

mitzidog wrote:I had my first meeting at work with external stakeholders who weren't aware I was presenting as female. On older gent looked a little flummoxed, but of course everyone remained professional and we had a very useful meeting.

I have a friend who came out in mid 2015 and had her surgery in March last year. She is an outside salesperson and while her employer had some reservations, not one of her customers had anything but support. In fact, her book increased and she is now one of the top outside sales people in her company.

I am glad for the acceptance you have enjoyed.
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You mentioned your Uni degree is in film/drama. My adult daughter has a Uni degree in Theater and did most of her work in the very liberal/progressive Bay Area - she wants nothing to do with me, her father.

My adult son has had redneck, right-wing friends all the way through highschool and now works as a machinist for a very large military contractor in The Bay Area - he totally accepts me.

It is often difficult to tell who will accept you, the new you to them, until you tell them. I am glad it has worked out for you.
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Re: Coming out date

Postby mitzidog » Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:10 am

Thanks.

The situation at home is good for the most part. Communication continues to be pretty good, and I keep being surprised where the support comes - we were out shopping the other day and she picked out a skirt for me.

The cloud on the horizon is if I take things to the next step. I think HRT and in particular GRS is going to be a paradigm shift. Currently I don't know if we would make it, so while I am going to see about Electrolysis in September, I have made a vow to her that I will not start either of those processes before the end of the calendar year. It will mean that I also have time to discern what it is I need to fully be me.

I really hope that the next six months can see us come to some sort of understanding, whatever path I need to take.
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Re: My continuing adventure

Postby mitzidog » Sat Jul 29, 2017 12:51 pm

Just returned from a trip to Birmingham to see a show, did the whole trip in dresses with the wig and make up. This included shopping trip on Friday afternoon and a bit more this morning. I got some looks, and there may have been the odd snigger behind my back, but especially yesterday I felt really confident. Today I was more tired so was a little less confident. The waiter where I had lunch asked me which one I wanted when I asked where the bathroom was - I actually felt for him a bit, but it did knock me a bit too. I continue to get mostly smiles from other women, and courtesy from just about everyone.

As Birmingham has a large Muslim population they had a stall on the high street giving out free copies of the Qur'an. I am interested to read what it is the book says rather than what the media portrays, so I took a copy and the guys giving them out were really friendly. I am sure there are things I will read in it which I vehemently disagree with, but the portrayal of Islam in the media is disgraceful.
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Re: My continuing adventure

Postby mitzidog » Mon Feb 19, 2018 8:17 am

Hello all - sorry I've been a bit silent for a few months - you know how things are.

My big news is that i started HRT at the weekend. I am having to self-medicate as the wait for the NHS to see me is prohibitively long and I am too old to wait that long. I've started small and have a friendly doctor who, while they are not allowed to give me medical advice can smile or frown when I ask if what I am doing is OK.

My own GP would love to prescribe, but is tied up by the General Medical Council guidelines, which seem to be there to guard the Gender Identity Clinics as the only source of treatment (I can sort of understand why, but there's a concept called informed consent, which should take precedence)

I legally changed my name last November, have changed my driving license and bank accounts, and with help from a doctor's letter hope to change name AND gender in my passport next month.

I found a wonderful monthly meet-up group in my home city and some really good advice through that. We're just waiting for the GIC to be set up here so that I don't have to wait for the one in London, which can take years.

I am still with my wife and she continues to be supportive. We came through a lot to get here, but I think we are in a really good place.

Now I'm back, I look forward to catching up with all your adventures and perhaps meeting some new people.
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Re: My continuing adventure

Postby Lesley Niyori » Mon Feb 19, 2018 8:53 am

Awesome, I am glad to hear of your positive progress.

Yeah, you've missed a lot of gossip here :)

Go make some popcorn, it's going to take you a while to catch up hehe.
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If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
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Re: My continuing adventure

Postby CeliaEriksson » Mon Feb 19, 2018 5:48 pm

Hi Mitzi!

Nice to hear from you and I'm very happy that all is going well for you. Take care. Celia xx
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
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