Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

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Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby Lesley Niyori » Sat Feb 03, 2018 9:42 am

What can I say, I've spent 3 years with online dating, and basically, it's 90% bad experiences, generally with fakes that are scams wanting money, or fucking introverts with fake profiles who just want to chat, but sure as hell not actually come for a date. Not surprising there are so many bored underappreciated married women just wanting to be told they are beautiful on the site, as that is all the introverts can offer.

We I'm not one of them.

And this morning, I come to realize, that there are apparently plenty enough men actually in Lindsay, within walking distance eh, on an online dating site called Post-Op Dating, actually specifically supposedly looking for someone just like me.
I've lived here since 67 damn it, the whole fucking town knows me. I'm about as easy to find as it gets.
So why the fuck have they never said hello?
They shouldn't even need the goddamned dating site to find me.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and I'm just not into going right now. I likely don't want to go anymore at all.
I believe in God, for convoluted reasons. I accept Christ and his teachings and I believe in what he is.
But today, right now, I'm finding it very hard to want to go to church and sing his praise.
Can't he even direct a post-op transgender woman seeking man in my direction?
I just want a man to sit with me in church. I just want a man to share my life with.
I just want an ordinary man.
I'm not asking for much.

I can't just flick a switch and turn off my beliefs.
But right now, I'm sure not feeling a great big need to be spouting off about how great God is.

I know a lot of you don't believe. And to a point, I can't blame you.
Look at the world, hardly a nice place eh.
So many people out there heaping hate on us, and pretending to be oh so nice fucking Christians.
Next hurricane season, mother nature will be back. And she will not have had her fill with beating up the US South. She Likely will ravage with fires California again.
No this isn't God's wrath on those nasty Christians, but, I sure as shit will have a hard time feeling pity.

Here I sit, just wanting to meet just one man.
And nothing.
Prayers? I am not sure her listens to mortal realm prayers.
If you don't want to lose your home to flood, or hurricane, or drought, or fire, I suggest you move the fuck away from those regions. Because prayers, they don't seem to get anywhere.
I can't seem to even get any progress on the simplest of requests.

Right now, praising God seems about as unwarranted as praising Trump.
What has either done for you lately?

Tomorrow, I'm staying home.
I'll stay home, make a model, or paint a painting or just goof off. Whatever. I just don't feel like praising him at the moment.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby Papillon » Sat Feb 03, 2018 10:17 am

As an outspoken Atheist, I'm often asked, what point is there to my life then?

I always answer, "I get to sleep in on Sundays".

The point to life, of course, is the living thereof.
Fear is the mind killer.
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Sat Feb 03, 2018 1:00 pm

Lesley Niyori wrote:Can't he even direct a post-op transgender woman seeking man in my direction?
I just want a man to sit with me in church. I just want a man to share my life with.
I just want an ordinary man.

Here I sit, just wanting to meet just one man.
And nothing.


The story of your unenviable life in a nutshell. It's what you mention in so many of your posts. Overshadowing and consuming your mind, heart, and soul like a thundercloud. Electrocuting any self-worth. Enough to make one cry . . . . or barf . . . .

Commentary and thoughts ? Note the tagline of the comedian Jonathan Winters, who would always say,
" I couldn't live like that ! " !
"My family as begged me to shame not the name of Romeo, but thy male will commit suicide, and die. I will then take thy holy name of Juliet, and be baptized anew as a cute teen girl!"

-Juliet, from Romeo&Juliet, Ep6: Wondering Son anime
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby Lesley Niyori » Sat Feb 03, 2018 3:04 pm

CuteButLooksPregnant wrote:
Lesley Niyori wrote:Can't he even direct a post-op transgender woman seeking man in my direction?
I just want a man to sit with me in church. I just want a man to share my life with.
I just want an ordinary man.

Here I sit, just wanting to meet just one man.
And nothing.


The story of your unenviable life in a nutshell. It's what you mention in so many of your posts. Overshadowing and consuming your mind, heart, and soul like a thundercloud. Electrocuting any self-worth. Enough to make one cry . . . . or barf . . . .

Commentary and thoughts ? Note the tagline of the comedian Jonathan Winters, who would always say,
" I couldn't live like that ! " !


I have a magnifying glass handy, but try as I might, I can't locate a point or any value for your input.
Can you just tell me what it was?
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby jennanightshade » Sat Feb 03, 2018 4:51 pm

Although I'm atheist, I was raised religious, so I understand what you're going through. I prayed to God many times asking for many different things, but the things I got that actually mattered weren't given to me by God. I had to get them myself. That's just my experience. However, I have met people who have managed to make amends with God, and they have told me it's all about patience, and faith. Hopefully this helps at least a bit! :)
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:26 pm

Well, I hope folk, and you Lesley, don't think I'm chasin' ya round the boards! I post a lot when I can, I have a little time now and you write lots! But a word on your upbringing, coz I was brought up so. Also I should never laugh at you btw, or anyone else here.

I was raised a good Protestant and went to Sunday school after, this gets complicated for it was Tenabrae kinda Matins at our Anglican chapel, our Vicar was quite conservative. I always knew in my mind that there were many religions and they could not all be right. So I always spent time thinking myself and I hold my thoughts to this day.

There must be a creator. Because, there is not one, but trillions upon trillions of stars that can be allotted to each and every human, not just those living, (dead outnumber living 20 to one at the moment)..... but every single person that has ever lived. There all those big lumps are, whizzing around out there in huge galaxies and beyond that countless universes.....

So that's kinda WTF! A trillion trillion stars each? Well beyond that, how cruel is the world? Quite cruel, you'd agree. Yet everything here is ok for us to live in, I'm not talking Trump or Nazi wankers here, I'm talking the Earth. It's good? Of course it is. Moon exactly right size etc....

Well, I reckon there is a creator and it 'aint God with a white beard, it 'aint Odin, it 'aint Buddha or anyone else created by man, but there is a creator that did not need to be created himself, and that's that. Celia xx
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby Lucy-chan » Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:53 pm

I'm an atheist. And I've used other forums to go out my way to bash Christianity. But, I'd rather not do that here.

My support and understanding of my trans peeps outweighs my philosophical beliefs

And sweetie, you do deserve your own fella to sit besides you in church
If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby CeliaEriksson » Sun Feb 04, 2018 7:01 pm

Hi Lucy!

How is Hull? They reckoned it'd snow here, but as per usual absolutely nothing! I had to drive up and back down the M4 via M3 earlier worrying that it would suddenly come.... yet nothing!
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore.
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby Lesley Niyori » Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:40 am

Didn't go to church yesterday. We had fresh snowfall, and my husband told me "oh just go for the walk Lesley, I know you love walking in snow, buy the darned donut, I'll permit it, don't worry about the bank balance."

Reminder, my teddy bear Frank is my husband in these comments :)

Anyway, I just didn't want to go to church.

I believe in God because advanced physics can explain multiple universes, so it's not like he can't be intellectually rationalized as being just as possible as not. The hateful person in the Bible? There's no rational reason to believe in that guy though. Jesus? That's 100% faith. He likely lived, likely died. Likely wasn't born via a virgin. But, if I can believe in God, and I do believe in angels, then I guess virgin births and divine beings being made flesh just so he could die to save us from sin isn't really such a stretch.

But even though my close buddy Sue is AAAAAALWAYS bugging me to read the Bible to solve virtually any problem.... well I have told her, back like 2005, I had something of an 'experience'. I had briefly joined the Mormon church. I was a member for like 2.5 years. Then one day I had a chance to visit an old friend. Went to his church, one of those independent slightly unusual free-form Cristian crowds with no logical budget and meeting in a whatever rented location. Long story short, I just asked God, give me a sign, something inescapably plain and unmistakable, is the Mormon church 'false', not 100% on the money. I spent the entire service crying like a burst water main. You have to understand, I had gone 10 years emotionally dead. If my mother had died, I wouldn't have cried. Nothing was reaching me. Understand, this was not this me, it was 'him' at the time eh. I didn't exist until 2012. I'm just recalling all of this.

Well anyway, I was TOLD, not to read anything, nothing that was written by the hands of man. That included the Bible. Now there are people that will literally foam at the mouth about that comment. THE BIBLE IS THE INSPIRED WORD OF GOD! Oh, spare me. The Bible is the longest surviving collection of fucking misogynist drivel in existence. And it is a vast sum of plagiarism and outright bullshit in some cases. There have been omissions due to petty politics, and sexism.

But the bottom line is God spoke to me as He's capable of doing, and he told me, Lesley, if you need to know something, I'll tell you. And hey, who am I to argue with God?

And yeah, my buddy Sue, oh she's adamant, no God would NEVER say that to you. Sorry Sue, he did. Not my problem if people can't cope with that.

But, I don't always get along with Him. Hey, they refer to him as our FATHER eh, and how about that, some days I like to scream and yell at him and shout "I hate you!" And then I do the equal of going into my 'bedroom' and slam the door on Him. And He gets the silent treatment.

I've done the parent thing. But I was lucky. My son was unnaturally easy to raise.

Still, there are days when it just seems hard to wear the label 'Christian'. It's not Muslims in the US making life a living hell for my people. It's not atheists. And it is not specifically a political party, although it does seem to be a lot the Republicans. But mainly, it's Christians. Lots of Christians. Not just a handful of them, MILLIONS of them. The noisy hateful ones are worse than the quiet do nothing about the hateful noisy ones of course, but, silence, and doing nothing, gave us Hitler. And it allowed him to kill millions of Jewish people along with anyone undesired.

So when people use that tired admonishment of "don't broad brush paint all Christians as bad", sorry, but in this case, I DO need that size of a brush. In fact, I likely need an industrial grade spray apparatus.

I'm tired of being told things like "be patient, God will send you someone." It doesn't ring true.
I'm told, "He's just protecting you from the bad ones, you asked Him to do so yourself."
The thing is if no one ever comes, does that mean none of them are any good?
That's disheartening, to be honest.

And now, to add to it all, I'm no longer even confident in my sexuality.
I'm not sure if I am hetero or bisexual.
I'm not even sure I am sexual at all.
When I say I am a virgin, I'm not joking. I don't even know if I like sex.
I get urges. Not even sure what those are.
I'm mainly just lonely.
I just want to feel wanted. By someone, right now anyone. I've even decided I don't care what their age is.
25, fine as long as they treat me good. 70, same thing. The 25-year-old could die in a car crash, so it is not like the 70-year-old isn't going to last as long as the 25-year-old eh.

I adjusted my profile to make it plain, I'm not seeking specifically a hetero anything.
I even made them as a pair. One seeking men, one seeking women. Basically clones of each other down to identical profiles. The only thing different is I added the numeral 2 to the name of the female one.

I hadn't had the female one completed for more than 5 minutes and I get a greeting from a 57-year-old person in Alberta (which is the same as pointless) with the obvious as sin fake image of a girl likely at best 25. I mean, come on, 57? and that picture? Why not just say "hello stupid, how are you today?"

So the lesson is that girls trying to find a guy, and guys trying to find a girl, likely will be treated to the same volume of fake bullshit. Making me wonder, has my efforts been futile all 3 years of trying?
Is online dating virtually and totally fake? My techbuddy Adam has been a paid account member. he's told me he's mass messaged hundreds of women, and thanks to the perks of being an upgraded member, he can see, most never even read the messages. Makes you think that all of the bluster on sites like PoF about how great they are is a crock.

My faith has seen better times, and my ability to believe in online dating sure is extremely limited.
Yes, I HAVE been on actual dates. Precisely ONE went as you might normally hope for. The man showed up, took me to dinner, we walked and talked for a couple of hours, he kissed me good night, said he'd be back, never heard from him again though. I've stupidly dated 2 men that I think can best be described as so obviously the wrong choice, to an outsider, but, I was too unwilling to accept it until it had been pounded into my head and my heart.

Sorry for the long post here today. Remember, I'm a writer :)
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Tue Feb 06, 2018 4:34 pm

CeliaEriksson wrote:There must be a creator. Because, there is not one, but trillions upon trillions of stars that can be allotted to each and every human, not just those living ..... but every single person that has ever lived. There all those big lumps are, whizzing around out there in huge galaxies and beyond that countless universes.....

So that's kinda WTF! A trillion trillion stars each?
. . . . but there is a creator that did not need to be created himself, and that's that. Celia ( italics mine )


Close enough, Celia, and that means that you DO get the cigar !

But about the italicized comments. Something that I have often pondered. God must have really liked stars, you know, since there are so many in the Creation. Must have liked the way they shine, they way they twinkle and sparkle. Must have liked the tremendous raw power that is unleashed at the moment of nuclear fusion and conversion from hydrogen to helium. Must have liked the way they were 'placed' into their own spaces in the universe, to stay there winking at you until they die. Must have liked how one can make pictures out of how the stars are arranged. Put a Pegasus constellation out there just to tease and delight humans ! Wow ! Such fun ! Must be nice to be a Creator !
"My family as begged me to shame not the name of Romeo, but thy male will commit suicide, and die. I will then take thy holy name of Juliet, and be baptized anew as a cute teen girl!"

-Juliet, from Romeo&Juliet, Ep6: Wondering Son anime
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Re: Go ahead and just laugh at me :(

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Tue Feb 06, 2018 5:04 pm

Lesley Niyori wrote:*I'm mainly just lonely.
* Why not just say "hello stupid, how are you today?"

*So the lesson is that girls trying to find a guy, and guys trying to find a girl, likely will be treated to the same volume of fake bullsh*t.
*Making me wonder, has my efforts been futile all 3 years of trying?
*Is online dating virtually and totally fake?
*Makes you think that all of the bluster on sites like PoF about how great they are is a crock.

*My faith has seen better times, and my ability to believe in online dating sure is extremely limited.
*. . . .but, I was too unwilling to accept it until it had been pounded into my head and my heart.

Remember, I'm a writer.



Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes ( maybe ), Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes !

Sorry for being blunt, but, OTOH, I have been trying to backhand my comments to such threads, so that my thoughts do not cause ones to suddenly morph into 'a bull in a china shop'. As I have said, reading about ones barking up a tree, 'cause a " man " is up there, doing that over and over, is just not my 'cup of tea'. However, the gnawing, gut-retching loneliness that comes upon all of us one time or another, is something that I can relate to. So, maybe just talking, about anything and nothing, will help. One never knows !

How do I handle what you, as well as many others, have experienced, as far as loneliness ? Let's just say for now that I live partly in IRL, and partly in a fantasy world of my own making. I switch back and forth, as the need be. That is why some of my posts are adult-oriented, and a few are of a twelve year old teen/tween girl talking.

( BTW---I am also a writer. I write for Fandom Wikia. I am the webmistress of four wikias about anime and manga, mostly about transgender anime characters. )
"My family as begged me to shame not the name of Romeo, but thy male will commit suicide, and die. I will then take thy holy name of Juliet, and be baptized anew as a cute teen girl!"

-Juliet, from Romeo&Juliet, Ep6: Wondering Son anime
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