I blew the lid off

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I blew the lid off

Postby blackdog2190 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 9:18 pm

Hello again everyone, I have some major updates on my life. So Wednesday the 10th I set up my first appointment with the endocrinologist and I see her March 1st. It's very exciting and scary for me at the same time. I know I won't be getting anything yet, just a consultation and some bloodwork is my guess.

After setting up my appointment I decided I would come out to my mom. This is where everything goes downhill. She didn't disown me, though she is hurt (who wouldn't be) it caused her some health problems such as nausea and major anxiety. So for her to feel like she can cope with it she outed me to my dad. Saved me from having to tell him but this was my biggest fear. My mom basically shut down for a day and a half called into work and is worried about how the rest of the family will treat me. Like this isn't all stuff I've already beat myself up about but now she feels it's her turn.

My dad was my biggest fear because we've grown a lot closer in the last couple years and for this to come out now was a big blow to him as well. He did shock me by saying he still loves me and I will always be his son (and I'm ok with this) even if I transition. Which at this point I've pretty well decided I'm going through with it. His concerns are my salvation, my wife and kids, and all the respect I've earned from friends and coworkers. I can't seem to get it through his head that this is not a fetish. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that word today I could retire lol. He is certain my wife will leave me, I won't have any say in how my kids are raised, family gatherings will never be the same (duh), and ultimately I will end up alone, miserable, and living in California.

My dad and my best friend are either certain or in denial, I call it denial because I thought the same thing, that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain causing me to think and feel this way. I've since come to embrace who I really am and want to live the rest of my life as Danielle. My dad says this is Satan trying to destroy everything I've worked for and that God has blessed me with. He is stubborn and very rigid in his thinking, if it doesn't fit what he believes he rejects it and tries to use every bible verse he can think of to change my mind.

For 14 years I have fought and suppressed these feelings. Now that I'm coming out to family my parents are in a frenzy looking for literature to persuade me the opposite direction and are asking for me to give them a year. I don't think I can give them a year, everything we discussed involved me living to please society and not myself. I've done that for 14 years and I'm miserable. It's time for me to live for myself and not what society deems "normal". I don't think there is such a thing anymore as normal, just everyone's lie to the rest of society to make everyone t hink life is just perfect.

Does anyone here think by what I've said that I'm in the wrong or not considerate enough?
-Danielle
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Re: I blew the lid off

Postby MikiSJ » Thu Jan 11, 2018 9:46 pm

Danielle

Coming out to anyone, including yourself, is at best not a zero-sum endeavor. , but unfortunately, that is often the case. If you were to be as considerate as possible to those who you would tell, then you would never tell them. But, you would not be at all considerate of your feelings.

In the end, it is your feelings that must rule. Your parents, your siblings, your friends, your co-workers, the girl checking you out in the supermarket will either accept you for who you are, or the won't.

In the end, you will need to live with yourself. Be kind to you and the rest will fall where it may. GOOD LUCK!
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks. Doodling is allowed. I have started a new chapter but will still use a pencil.
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Re: I blew the lid off

Postby Lesley Niyori » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:04 pm

All I can say is I know people that have lost everyone in their lives, and you know what, they're still happier people.

People will say you're mentally sick. People will say all the cliche religious garbage. People will think this is some sick sexuality issue. They're all wrong. And in some cases, even if you have solid evidence they are wrong, some simply won't want to listen.

This Canadian Anglican will mention this. God made your SOUL in his image. Not your body. It's just a shell you spirit lives in. You are not your body, you are IN your body. Jesus doesn't share judgment. No one gets to judge anyone. You might want to remind any of the religious haters this.

Modern medical science knows precisely why we are. And we are not a mental illness and this is not about your sexuality. You were born this way.

I have no bright words for you about the wife and kids. I have transgender female friends that have gone through this route. The kids are often the only ones that stay.

I will say this much. For every person that abandoned me, I've gained 10 to replace them.
If you are verbally mean to me, I will verbally bite you back.
If you attempt to chastise me for verbally biting someone who was verbally mean to me, I'll verbally bite you too. Don't be quoting me rules either.
sukunai.ni.yori@hotmail.com
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