Dating, as I see it, my 2018 perspective

[Lesley Niyori]

Ok, I've been trying since like 2015.

Aaaaaannd most of it has been dreadful.

I've had some ok dates. Never led to anything, but, I can at least say, yeah, the man at least treated me like a lady.

But, here's the current opinion for me with online dating.

First off, if the site focuses on transgender, you can forget meeting anyone worth meeting. Yes, I said that as a flat out statement.

Second, I have found that listing as transgender is likely better than listing as just your actual gender. IE I didn't get any value out of just listing as a woman. I finally broke and just accepted I might as well just list as transgender and be able to state "well no, I didn't hide anything from you buster".

But here's the real hassle. I'm going to just say, online dating appears to be about your pictures. If they suck, your chances will too. If you have one lousy picture, your chances suck even more so. I am currently on Plenty of Fish, and I have 8 really good complimentary images of me. I get plenty enough inquiries/greetings from men. But the problem is, there is usually little or no indication they looked at the profile. So they will have missed out on my saying I was transgender in the details about myself.

I think YouTube has it about right. Too many guys too unwilling to just get off their friggin butts and actually commit to coming for a damned date.

WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY EVEN ON A DATING SITE FOR, TO BEGIN WITH?

It's sure getting annoying some days.

But here is my advice, if you actually try this frustrating notion (online dating).
Spare no effort to get them to respond to whether or not they are actually coming anytime soon.
Make them aware, if they are not coming within a week, they might as well accept that you will just delete the conversation and be moving on.

Unless of course you actually DO just want to chat about nothing for no purpose indefinitely.

[kris]

I am in favour of online dating in concept, but not so much in practice. It feels like people either run the extremes of looking for hookups, or looking for some fictional 110% perfect soulmate. Those with more realistic expectations have, perhaps, become window shoppers (and I am guilty of that too).

I like that online dating gives me a chance to be more forthright. People get a sense of my eccentricities and dorky tendencies right away, there is no ambiguity in that I am looking for a romantic connection, and I can just get it out of the way that I am trans without having to waste the time of anyone who bothered to do more than just look at my picture. But I find beyond exchanging a few messages and mutual interest, something about online dating inspires apathy.

The person I have been seeing for the last half year or so was on the same dating site I was on, though that is not how we met. She said she saw my profile on the site, but having met me in real life decided to leave me some privacy and not read it. I’ve done the same for others such as a coworker and a doctor I see. But in this case there was mutual interest between us in real life, and it all sort of worked out. I wonder, had we connected online first, if it would have worked out as well.

That said, I do understand were it not for online dating, some would have few avenues for meeting new people. I am in my thirties and live in a city, so my eligible dating pool — while not oceanic — is big enough to have chances come along often enough.

[Lesley Niyori]

Sometimes some responses are simply just maddening.

Juuuust the other day I encountered a male (think they were ordinary hetero male), that was very aware I am a post-op transgender woman and was interested as he claimed I'd 'understand' him well.

Everything sounded positive. He was not so far a drive from me. To be honest, any man that can't drive 2 hours or less to find who they think might be Mrs. Right, should stop trying to find her. But yet, he eventually said "I'd rather look in Barrie" a town at the halfway point between us.

I wanted to scream at him "What? do you think we transgender girls are that fucking common? You finally find a girl you like, the same age, same interests, and you're going to take a pass, based on 30 minutes more travel time than you are interested in?"

I've had a man sit on his motorcycle for 3+ hours to come meet me. I don't think he was truly aware I was transgender, to begin with. It was a nice date, but it wasn't repeated. It's not like all men are just unwilling. But damn it, when one that is fully aware you are transgender and specifically interested in transgender, won't try as hard as a man who really wants a female will, there's simply something wrong with them.

I'm kinda glad he never came. I want a man who wants someone a great deal more so eh.

[Demon]

Sometimes some responses are simply just maddening.

honestly one of the more maddening responses is when they tell me i am too young, intelligent, or attractive for them.

it just makes me want throw a break a glass on the wall. wtf is this i'm living in, a twilight zone episode?

[Lesley Niyori]

Thought I'd add to this thread.

My tonight, current, experiences with the whole dating process.

So, I'm giving My Transgender Date (the name of the service) a try.
I'm unsure where it's going to go.

1. it seems most of the men on the site, are clearly looking for 'ladyboys'. Some even state as much. And don't seem able to understand that word is offensive. Sure is to me at least.
2. they seem more interested in pre-op than post-op. No idea why, but it seems to be 3/4 preference for pre-op.
3. now if you ask me, going to a transgender service, and specifically wanting pre-op and not post-op tells me the man is a gay man in denial. Because frankly, if you WANT her to have a penis, you is more likely gay than not. Well, think about it. She has a penis, she can screw you up the ass, and that's all you can do to her. That's basically gay sex isn't it?

Frustrating.

I just want to find a hetero male, who wants a hetero female.
I went to a lot of trouble so I could give a man an enjoyable place to put his penis other than up my ass.
Not to mention, I don't want anal sex to begin with. Giving or receiving. Glad to be rid of that thing.

So being on a site seemingly dominated by gay men wanting a penis equipped woman looking person is as I said 'frustrating'.

I'm not a man damn it.

[Bea]

She has a penis, she can screw you up the ass, and that's all you can do to her. That's basically gay sex isn't it?

No. It's not. Gay sex is sex between two men. Plenty of cis hetero couples have anal sex both ways, too. For some, of both genders, it's the preference.

penis equipped woman looking person

You mean trans woman.

[jentay1367]

3. now if you ask me, going to a transgender service, and specifically wanting pre-op and not post-op tells me the man is a gay man in denial. Because frankly, if you WANT her to have a penis, you is more likely gay than not. Well, think about it. She has a penis, she can screw you up the ass, and that's all you can do to her. That's basically gay sex isn't it?

Nothing personal, but there's ls just a whole bunch of conflation, presumption and assumption there.

[Lesley Niyori]

Sigh, so, explain the interest in JUST wanting pre-op women.

Come on, I don't want templated responses, I want a logical explanation.

[Bea]

Sigh, so, explain the interest in JUST wanting pre-op women.

Come on, I don't want templated responses, I want a logical explanation.

I don't know. I'm not a guy who's looking to date trans women. Ask them. Maybe they just really like butt sex. Ask them. It's not on me to provide answers for them, and my declination to do so doesn't preclude my earlier points in the slightest.

Anyway, if a guy wants to date women with vaginas from the internet, he'd probably just post on sites with cis women.

At any rate, I've always attracted men in person from my surroundings and they've been men with solid histories of dating cis women who are willing to be with me because the rest of me and my personality more than compensate for that miniscule percentage of my body mass represented by my genitals. I've never topped a single one of them.

[Lesley Niyori]

Thanks Bea.

Part of my problem is my past, or maybe total lack of it.

Married 27 years. Never dated anyone else, ever. The whole marriage was boring vanilla grade sex. No anal ever.

Then now here I am, a defacto virgin, and almost zero contact with males, and something of a totally naive person. Massive sum of science and history education data dumped into my head, almost no life experiences.

So much of common street knowledge is unknown to me.

Most of my friends tell me I shouldn't be online dating, not because of opinions of online dating, but, I'm still effectively too young to be even considering it.

If not for that one part of me, I'd likely just agree with them, and stop even trying.

[jentay1367]

Unfortunately, most of the guys that are chasers are interested in penises on an otherwise female presentation. I think you should go stealth and keep your trans status to yourself, Lesley. Just date guys and don't tell em' about your past. None of their business anyway. Just go have some fun. If it turns out there's something there, then you can go to plan B. But I think you're in for a butt load (no pun intended) of grief. Hell, it's a dating site, no one is being hones. Cis chicks are posting 20 year old pics of themselves. You don't owe shit to any of them till it looks like you do.

[Lesley Niyori]

Unfortunately, most of the guys that are chasers are interested in penises on an otherwise female presentation. I think you should go stealth and keep your trans status to yourself, Lesley. Just date guys and don't tell em' about your past. None of their business anyway. Just go have some fun. If it turns out there's something there, then you can go to plan B. But I think you're in for a butt load (no pun intended) of grief. Hell, it's a dating site, no one is being hones. Cis chicks are posting 20 year old pics of themselves. You don't owe shit to any of them till it looks like you do.

Waffling, I wouldn't be the first person to waffle on something.

But you are right jen.

I've tried open honest and sincere, and what has it gotten me. Nothing.

Here in our community, I can be me, because we are all me here. We are either females no one accepts as females, or males no one accepts as males. Only here with our own kind, are we allowed to be our real selves.

Fuck the cisgender world.

I'm not trying to date just to find something to screw. I want a real relationship. That means no first date sex. No sex means my clothes stay on. Not that my voice is going to help. But really, until a man actually shows up, I have no way to know if the 'person' I am communicating isn't a scam waiting to happen, or an introverted loser that only wants to chat and not really meet, because then he has to be real.

So really, what's the point of full disclosure. I have just as much chance of being hurt by an irate doofus that failed to read I was transgender on the profile, as I do to be hurt because I didn't mention it. So in the end, the simple truth is, I might as well just bank on the notion I might also meet a guy that likes me enough that he doesn't mind.

I recently watched Her Story again with my local friend Sue. The black transgender girl, she meets a guy that accepts her, because he realizes, sometimes the guy has flaws too. He has a gambling problem. Hey, it's not like I'm asking the guys to full disclose all of their flaws and perceived shortcomings eh.

So, the last while, since January 01, I guess has been a big waste. I'll deal with it. It's not like I bought a car that's a lemon, or a house that's a money pit. I'm deleting the profiles, again, and starting over, again. I'll survive.

[jentay1367]

Fuck the cisgender world.

Trust me, Sweetie, they're all dealing with their demons too, just like the rest of us. We just wear ours on our sleeves and hang em' out in the light of day to get the stink off em'.

[Demon]

Fuck the cisgender world.

Trust me, Sweetie, they're all dealing with their demons too, just like the rest of us. We just wear ours on our sleeves and hang em' out in the light of day to get the stink off em'.

Be careful what you say 'bout demons. Do not be racist of demon-kind. All demons are are angels, who were punished by a tyrannical cruel god for disobedience.

Now as far as the entire-trans movement goes, it seems incompetent to me. A lot of transwomen seem cold and hostile in terms of dating and make people feel shame for wanting to date them. For example, a lot of them seem narcissistic and self-absorbed, posting endless selfies and not giving you the time of day as a person. Other ones, go on smear campaigns shaming "tranny chasers" and men who look at trans porn. So basically, they are making everyone feel guilty for lusting after transwomen or wanting to date transwomen, so the world has basically given up hope of trying to date our kind. They are basically trying to sabotage our success due to their utter incompetence.

[Lesley Niyori]

Well said demon.