Got an update.

Significant Others, Family, and Friends

Got an update.

Postby tiffany_elizabeth » Wed Dec 06, 2017 12:57 am

Earlier this year I posted about how I was outed by my brother on Easter and the ensuing fallout. There have been some new developments over the last few months.

For one, my niece is now living with me. When I imagined coming home to a beautiful young woman after work I always imagined my wife, but coming home to my niece isn't really that bad. Even though she's an adult and I'm only marginally old enough to be her mother (15 year gap. Can happen, does happen, but not what most people think when they hear "old enough to be your mother") she's actually awakened my maternal instincts. I comfort her during her nightmares the way my mother comforted me when I had nightmares, with hair stroking, soft singing, and descriptions of happier scenes. I just wish she would have told me in advance that she has them, because the first night the way she was screaming and thrashing around honestly sounded like someone had broken in. Her nightmares are PTSD induced and I'm certain it didn't help for her to be awakened by me charging into her room with an axe frantically looking around.

When her stomach issues act up and she's in the bathroom at night throwing up I'll go comfort her the same way my mother did me, by rubbing her lower back (I don't know the mechanics of it, but for some reason my mom running her hand up and down my lower back while I was throwing up helped my stomach) and I'm not back in bed until she's back to sleep. I'll sit down with her and help her with her homework (she's studying graphics design, which is right up my alley since I'm self taught but I do a lot of work in that field) and scold her when she puts off a school project for too long.

I think I've awakened something in her, too. At times she will treat me exactly the way she treats her little brother. When I'm depressed she'll cuddle with me, when she thinks I'm about to make a bad decision she'll rake me over the coals just like she does with my nephew, basically since she moved in it's like a paradoxical mix of having a daughter and an older sister. And we get in frequent political debates just like I use to with my best friend in high school. That may seem like a bad thing to some, but debate is to us what chess is to my nephew and me. It's a test of mental acuity that we bond over. Plus she's working on getting me to quit smoking through a mixture of nagging and hiding my cigarettes. It's annoying, but I guess in the long run it's a good thing. I've already limited my smoking to outdoors because of her asthma, and that caused me to cut back because it's too hot to step outside during the summer and I imagine it will be too cold to this winter.

Our situation encouraged her maternal uncle. Now I'm going to be using some terminology that can be considered polarizing given the context, but I'm going to be using the terminology that her uncles used during the process. He came out of the closet. The next time he was down from Alaska he introduced his family to his boyfriend, and before they went back they were married. His boyfriend acted as the bride (actually called himself the bride), and since his family wasn't nearly as accepting as my sister-in-law's overjoyed family it was up to my niece's grandpa to give him away.

Since she always knew about her uncle, was always supportive, and it was her telling him about me that gave him the courage to follow through (which is precisely why she told him) my (actually our) niece was the maid of honor. Since we were friends back in high school and I was basically the catalyst that led to this I was a bridesmaid, which was a huge deal to me because it wasn't a complicated affair.

My niece's uncle had groomsmen, but since one of them was a woman they had to make a conscious effort to refer to them as "the groom's party" instead of groomsmen, though they did, in a tongue and cheek manner (which didn't bother her), refer to her individually as "the groomsman in the dress." With his husband's bridesmaids it wasn't "the bride's party." It was simply bridesmaids. I wasn't the male bridesmaid or the bridesmaid in the suit (the counterpart of the groomsman in the dress). I wore a dress just like all of the other bridesmaids, went through the same rituals (shopped for dresses with them, got our hair done together (though in my case it was waiting for the stylist to return the wig that she was working on), basically everyone at the wedding acknowledged me as a woman, not a guy filling a woman's role.

Everything has settled down with one of my brothers. It turns out that the reason my sister-in-law was silent and remained distant during the arguments was because she actually supported me, hated what was going on Easter Sunday, but was afraid to intervene. She went to work on my brother, though. Over the weeks he stopped running me down every time he talked to my niece. Now he just calls me an offensive name before asking about a project (ex. "hey, single white shemale, have you ever figured out how to keep ABS from warping on the print bed?").

Believe it or not, that means we're back to normal. He'd always start each conversation with an offensive name based on one of my traits, quirks, or a mistake I had recently made. If I have to explain something to him I'll preface it by saying "go get <youngest member of the family, preferably toddler or younger>. I'll explain it to him/her and maybe he/she can dumb it down for you enough to understand. No promises, though, because it's actually difficult to think below your own intellectual level so his/her version of the explanation still might go over your head" then I'll proceed with the explanation. That's just our dynamic and we wouldn't let anyone other than our other brothers get away with talking to each other that way.

My parents have mellowed out to a surprising extent. I'm back in the will and my mother is charging me rent to stay here, but it's not going into her pocket for spending money. It's part of a rent to own system, and she even used part of what I paid her over the course of the first few months to have the property surveyed so we can get an accurate appraisal (and because she needed to deed 1/4 of an acre to my neighbor/her cousin's widow to fulfill a promise made by my late uncle to her late husband).

There are strings attached, however. Fortunately the only one that bothered me was snapped. It went from "if I catch you 'corrupting' any more marriages I'll burn the place down" to "you can shack up with five men and call them your 'husband' for all I care. But if you ever date someone with a child and they're exposed to that mess I'll kick you into the next county and your cousins in that county will kick you to the next one."

The remaining strings are tolerable, because it's a seven acre property and I barely use one acre. If any of my brothers or their kids need a place to set up a trailer or even build a house I have to let them do so on this property. I can either retain unrestricted usage rights to every speck of soil up to the walls of their dwelling or I can sell them a parcel of land under the same rent to own system. My niece is already surveying the terrain, adjusting the design of her dream house to fit within some of the places she's deciding between. Of course, since she's been by my side this entire time she'll get her parcel for free.

I had to compromise to get back in their house, which is mandatory now that I have to drop off the rent payment every month. They won't call me Tiffany, but my mom did point out that the shortened version of my legal name, which is what they've always called me other than when the middle name was brought out (then it was full first name and middle name, and mom actually sounded like Mr. Wilson from the Dennis the Menace cartoons in the 80s when she said it) is gender neutral. In fact, half of the celebrities I share my legal name with are/were women.

They said "everyone got use to you having boobs at the age of 4 so we don't care if you wear your falsies. Just don't let your bra stick out and when you're here wear them under shirts you got from the men's department.

Normally I don't compromise unless the other party is negotiating to get a need met and I'm just trying to get a want fulfilled, but at the end of October and the beginning of November we had a death in the family, and within not even a week three more people who were practically in the family passed away. My parents are elderly. They may be asses, but they're the asses who raised me and I want to be at least on speaking terms with them in the end so I stood firm on the issue of my breast prostheses and light makeup (my niece has been teaching me how to apply it so I wear it every chance I get) and threw my hands up on the rest (name, pronouns, full femme, etc.) I'm only at their house for my monthly rent payment, holidays, and the occasional Sunday dinner, anyway and with my dad pushing 80 and my 72 year old mother still smoking like a chimney I don't think I'll have to compromise for long.

My eldest sister-in-law hugged me the last time she saw me. That's not unusual. She's actually been in the family longer than I have and when she and my brother would come for a visit I probably spent more time in her arms as an infant during those visits than in my mother's. As a child hugs were mandatory. If I didn't give her a goodbye hug she'd pick me up and take one from me. Well into adulthood it wasn't at all unusual for a greeting hug to only half terminate, resulting in a 10 minute conversation standing side by side with an arm around each other. It was unusual when we stopped hugging, though, so the last time meant we were back to normal.

On the job front I'm not full femme yet, but I've worked up to prostheses with no repercussion. I started out with an unpadded bra. Week by week I increased the padding until one morning I threw on my mastectomy bra with my prostheses in it, went to work, and it was business as usual.
"My birth control is not my boss' business. By the way, boss, you're going to be getting a bill for my ortho tri cyclen."
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Re: Got an update.

Postby MikiSJ » Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:44 am

I didn't read all of the post, but it does appear your life is heading back into a good direction.

I am glad you have someone to come home to, even if it is not the love partner that you desire. Being a mom is hard work, but it is good work and I am glad you have embraced it as the woman you are.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks. Doodling is allowed. I have started a new chapter but will still use a pencil.
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