Opinions on in laws?

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Opinions on in laws?

Postby HaleyWoolf » Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:56 pm

So I’ve had it up to here with my in laws! At first they were very supportive of us and said they would always be there for us... but with time to “stew” it over things have changed drastically. We were trying to have a peaceful thanksgiving dinner with them when my mother in law outright asked Morgan why he hadn’t divorced me yet. Then she verified that she thought we were losers and the shame of the family. After that she went on a huge tirade on us and how we were really cis and straight, just lying to ourselves. Funny considering Morg and I have been with both men and women before. Oh, and my father in law made sure to tell me he will never call us by our proper pronouns and names! In a way I’m glad they are blaming me for something rather than their son... finally, but this has to be stressful for poor Morg. Yeah, you bet Morgan fought back, but I want to just break off all contact. Morgan wants to save his relationship with his dad, but if he isn’t even going to meet us halfway why bother? I don’t think I’m overreacting, but I do that sometimes.... any input?
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Re: Opinions on in laws?

Postby kris » Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:27 pm

I don’t think you are overreacting to the extent I understand the situation. It’s always hard when it is not just you suffering abuse, but also your partner. Especially since it’s his parents. That is a bond which really only Morgan himself can fully grasp. If it was some stranger you could say, “I will beat you so close to the brink of death that your spirit attempts to flee your failing body, and as it does I will reach through the etherial veil and murder your fucking soul if you ever talk to us like that again.” Buuuuuuut... that might put a bit more strain on Morgan in the end when it’s his folks.

If he wants to try to salvage the relationship with one or both of his parents, that’s his call alone, or that’s how I would likely see it if I were in your shoes. But standing by someone doesn’t mean you have to participate directly. It’s an extreme situation.

If my girlfriend wanted to rekindle a broken relationship with someone who couldn’t accept us or me in particular, I wouldn’t stand in her way. Hell, I’d probably give her a ride to meet them, and stay up with her all night if it backfired and caused her pain. I’d rinse and repeat as long as she was willing or until one of us broke. She’s in a shitty situation and trying to deal, and I don’t have the answers for her. But I wouldn’t meet with her relation myself and I would not invite them into my home. You can’t bring that kind of disrespect into the home. If my mother or brother ever talked about my partner that way, they would never cross our threshold until they changed their ways.

Well, maybe none of that is much help. Sorry to hear it all went off the rails, though. Especially sorry to hear Morgan is being put in such a shitty position.
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Re: Opinions on in laws?

Postby MikiSJ » Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:05 pm

You and Morgan are special - especially to this little bit of the transworld.

One of the problems with many higher order animals (such as us) is that there is an attempt to keep the various generations together in some hierarchical order. This sometimes works when everyone in the family is in sync with everyone else - how fucking boring is that.

My mother and I never clicked and she spent much of my life doing her best to insult/embarrass/disparage me at every opportunity. I finally had enough and that day culminated when she tried to stab me with a kitchen knife and only my Father grabbing her kept her from hurting me physically.

I divorced her, and while I attended all of the important holidays and events - I no longer let her take control of my life. I didn't even give the satisfaction of a 'I am sorry' on her deathbed.

I think it is time for both of you to decide if your bond is greater than the parental bond and stop putting up with the humiliation your in-laws seem to delight in dishing out.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks. Doodling is allowed. I have started a new chapter but will still use a pencil.
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Re: Opinions on in laws?

Postby MorganWoolf » Fri Dec 01, 2017 1:54 pm

If I can throw in my perspective on things...
My father isn't being sadistic about it. I just came out a few months ago and I've seen him maybe...twice? Since then? The first time he took me to a shooting range (scary at first, if you recall my story, but I really think he was trying to spend time with me and connect in a father-son kind of way). He's going through a lot in his head right now and he doesn't want to lose me. Is he right in saying he's not using our pronouns? No. But on that thanksgiving night when my mother asked me why I haven't divorced Haley yet, he gave her a hard look then asked Haley if she wanted to go outside with him. He figured she didn't need to be present for the ensuing storm.
I think in time he will come around. I really do. Also, he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure several years ago and I don't know how long he has. I'm willing to give him a shot. I love him, he loves me, and when he says hurtful things...it's not because he wants to hurt me. In fact, he never means to say anything to hurt me. Most of my therapists think he has some form of Asperger's.

My mom on the other hand is an insane, sadistic...I don't even know! I don't even know...she's actually a bad person. I could go on about it but I won't. If I could, I would cut off from her completely...but she's married to my dad.

I'm waiting things out for now. I want to see what happened because I'm CERTAIN that they had a massive fight after that. He's been trying (failing, yes, but genuinely trying by at least not bringing up the subject and trying to have a good time with us without dragging anything out like my mother did). Then my mother had to ruin a perfectly good Thanksgiving dinner with us. Oh, and might I add, this happened in public.

So...yeah...that might fill things out a little.
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