Frustrating and Confusing - other as well... idk

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Frustrating and Confusing - other as well... idk

Postby Zedarius » Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:43 am

Hello all,

I hope this is the right place... you can probably see - I suck at titles

Some of my family members are down right frustrating and completely confusing me. I have yet to tell them I'm trans... but everytime I feel like it, they do things that contradict... and its like - make up you're damn mind!

All of these people are on my mothers side of the family (she is included), and I have a lot of contact with them... not in person (live in a different country from them), but talk a lot over facbook, and usually see them everytime I go back there. This side of the family is religious... and not just religious... I mean RELIGIOUS

I haven't told many people I'm trans... just my father, step-mother, the oldest step-sister, and my best friend (her family know as well... they're like my second family)

But anyway... it is extremely hard to bring up anything LGBT related to this side of the family... (even though my grandmother is L and married to another woman). It doesn't make much sense to me...

Especially when they keep posting "straight pride" and anti- same sex marriage, and the like - it makes me want to slap some of them :|

My mother also posts those kinds of things... she is aware something is going on with me, but doesn't know what (not going to tell till I'm ready to). It confuses me cause she'll post about how being anything other than cis and straight is wrong... then turns around, asks me if I was gay (I'm not), and says it okay if I am (???  :| ).

My relationship with her and my step-father is... strained (due to prior issues - its a whole other thing of nightmares), so telling them will be an... experience. The both of them have full on conversations with people around them; how being anything than cis and straight is "unnatural"; step-father uses words I don't want to type to explain transgender people.

The one reason I haven't told my younger brother yet; despite wanting to... is that he will inevitably end up telling them (they are both very manipulative). The reason I don't  see them very often; or live there anymore.

The main thing is; I want to be out to everyone, no more pretending to be something I'm not (I've done it up until June this year - I can't do it anymore!), and wanting to cut out people who could become toxic because of it... but also wanting them to be a part of my life if they can (still cut them out if need be)...

Sorry for the long... probably rambling/wandering post. I need to put it somewhere - without keeping on telling friends these same things
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Re: Frustrating and Confusing - other as well... idk

Postby MorganWoolf » Mon Oct 23, 2017 9:48 am

Hey!
So, do you have anyone who is supportive of you at all? Because I think you might want to start with finding folks that are so you can have a support system for when you do come out to everyone else. That would be my first step. If you don't have people who support you then find some!

There may be support groups for transgender people in your area. They usually have websites so you can do a google search.

Once you have that support system then you can dive in and come out.
It sounds like from your post you don't live with your family...? Am I wrong? Anyway, you mentioned they're very manipulative. This means that when you do come out you can't show any 'weakness'. My family can be manipulative too, so I have some experience with this, though of course I don't know your family's methods of manipulation. So, when you come out don't be shy about it because if you are then they know they can exploit your feelings. Tell them frankly, leave no room for compromise, then hold your ground.

That's my advice anyhow. Good luck! :)
Do not place me by a star where only it's light can encompass me, instead place me in the darkness. There I can behold the lights of all the stars in the universe.
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Re: Frustrating and Confusing - other as well... idk

Postby Zedarius » Mon Oct 23, 2017 3:56 pm

MorganWoolf wrote:Hey!
So, do you have anyone who is supportive of you at all? Because I think you might want to start with finding folks that are so you can have a support system for when you do come out to everyone else. That would be my first step. If you don't have people who support you then find some!

There may be support groups for transgender people in your area. They usually have websites so you can do a google search.

Once you have that support system then you can dive in and come out.
It sounds like from your post you don't live with your family...? Am I wrong? Anyway, you mentioned they're very manipulative. This means that when you do come out you can't show any 'weakness'. My family can be manipulative too, so I have some experience with this, though of course I don't know your family's methods of manipulation. So, when you come out don't be shy about it because if you are then they know they can exploit your feelings. Tell them frankly, leave no room for compromise, then hold your ground.

That's my advice anyhow. Good luck! :)


I do live with family, my mother and father are split and both remarried. Just not with mother and step-father. (I'd love my own place, but dealing with the aftermath of serious injury that almost needed surgey to fix - almost back to normal now though). I have had amazing support from friends, and the family I have told (father, step-mother, step-sister). I'm able to talk about anything I need to with them, but hate to keep bring this one thing up... One of my friends is also very active in all LGBT groups and more than happy to introduce me to groups/people, if I want/need (and happy to introduce me to any trans friends, ect he knows).

Just the one side is manipulative... especially mother and step-father unfortuneately. I do take the "listen to me, no bullshit" approach whenever I tell them anything... or I get overruled/ignored. :|

I am currently working on sorting out how and what I'm going to say to who. Though I'm sure everyone knows something is up (only wear male clothong now - I'd rather feel comfortable, than like a half dressed mannequin - what I'll liken it to - for me - no offense to anyone).

Also sorting out a good gender therapist - so I can get things going in the right direction :)
A body is just a body, they change a multitude of times over someone's life-span...

Gender Clinic Appoinment - May 2018
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Location: Victoria, Australia


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