Cis woman in a relationship with trans man

Significant Others, Family, and Friends

Cis woman in a relationship with trans man

Postby zgravity21 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 12:34 am

Hello everyone! I am in dire need of advice regarding the sex in my relationship with my trans boyfriend. When we started seeing each other, we were pretty much friends with benefits. But we couldn't deny our amazing chemistry and became more serious after a few months. I'm a girl with a very high sex drive who's never been in a serious relationship. So with him, this was the first time where it wasn't all about just sex for me. In the beginning, we had lots of sex. He was open with me about being trans in the beginning, which wasn't an issue at all for me. He used a realistic strap on that helped him cum during sex too. In addition, it's something he always wore under his clothes. So I of course viewed it as a part of him. Anyways, I loved the sex. Then at some point, feeling close to him, I put my hand under his strap on and touched his real dick (enlarged clitoris). Soon enough I started sucking it too as I knew what to do since all it is is just a small dick. Surprisingly, even though he's been with many girls, he's never let a girl interact with that part of his body before. This made me feel lucky and special. And considering that this wonderful handsome man never got head before, I made sure to give him that often. Of course he loved it. Even when we'd have sex I'd make sure to still give him head when he wanted it too. But over time, he started to completely stop having sex with me. Every time he denied it, he'd promise we'd do it next time but of course we never did. This went on for months. I still continue to give him head though, and he gets me off with his fingers since I can cum from head myself lol. But I've always viewed fingering as a form of foreplay that got me excited for the dick. To be honest, I am a straight girl who loves penetrative sex with a penis. It is the best part of sex for me. Being frustrated, I finally confronted him on the issue. He broke down and told me he doesn't want to wear his strap on anymore. And he also said he didn't understand why I wanted something that wasn't a part of him. It's just that I did view it as a part of him from the beginning, but of course now things have changed and that is fine as it is his decision and his body. I actually love that he is comfortable enough to not wear it around me. He can just be himself. Anyways, he went on to call me a nympho who was just using him for sex. He even told me he withheld sex from me to see if I'd cheat on him as he knew how important sex is to me. This of course angered me. He should have just been honest with me during those months of my sexual frustration. When we fought he even said that if we break up he's never going to get head from any other girl. We are in a good place now and I love him with all my heart. But I can't help but miss the sex. When I tried introducing sex toys like dildos, he completely rejected it. I just feel like he doesn't understand that I can't just make do with his fingers every time. Where's the variety and passion anymore?I even get jealous thinking about him having sex with past girls and how he's not doing that with me anymore. What do you guys think of this? Because I don't know what to make of this situation anymore. Am I just a terrible person? I feel like he's not being completely open with me and I just want to understand him more. Thank you!
zgravity21
New
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:18 pm

Re: Cis woman in a relationship with trans man

Postby nexyjo » Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:56 am

You know, these are questions you should be asking him, not us. For me, communication is one of the cornerstones of a successful relationship. Without it, I believe I would leave the relationship.
User avatar
nexyjo
Board Moderator
 
Posts: 7991
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2005 8:16 pm
Location: phoenix

Re: Cis woman in a relationship with trans man

Postby cordial » Fri Sep 22, 2017 2:02 am

hi there zgravity!
first off youre not a terrible person! i think its good that youre here to try to understand what hes going through. being ftm, i understand that it can be extremely difficult to talk about things that can make you dysphoric. when ive had sex with a strap on, for ME specifically it made me feel valid to hear my ex say that she felt like it was a part of me (i also wore it everyday) and she never even though of it as a sex toy. its important to know his feelings might be different ofc, and it might be a different situation considering he does not wear it anymore and he might have a different mentality. i dont think you should be jealous, it seems very obvious that he trusts you more than other girls :) and this actually might be part of the reason why he has difficulties now.
ultimately, you might just have to accept that he is not comfortable with penetrative sex, and that it feels artificial to him. you should NEVER force someone to do something sexually that makes them uncomfortable. as for variety and passion, there are positions you can try that involve his natural anatomy. i would recommend looking into it. hopefully this helps :)
cordial
New
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:52 pm

Re: Cis woman in a relationship with trans man

Postby Hugs4TheHomeLez » Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:41 pm

I am a cis woman and I dated a trans man for awhile.

One thing was, he had really low self esteem. That is probably why he tried to "see if you would cheat on him". If this were a relationship between two cis ppl, I would say get out of it. But you have to realize he is still going to be struggling to find his confidence and to feel like he is enough" for you. Make sure you re-issue him of that.

When I was dating a trans man, he went through periods of being comfortable with sex, and then being completely closed off.

If you are committed to this relationship you need to have a lot of patience and compassion for what he is going through.

He MAY not want to use a dildo or toy bc it's upsetting to him he can't penetrate you himself. Your body being physically different from your gender is going to cause for a lot of frustration.

So be gentle and take it slow.

Find some other ways to keep it interesting and kinky.

Role play
Warm oils
Google some stuff

Hope that helps :)
Hugs4TheHomeLez
New
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:23 pm


Return to Relationships

coiae

Consonance of Identity and Expression


© 2000 - 2016 The Ultimate Paradigm