There is rarely a good time time to come out, even when you make the time specifically for this. There are few natural segues into 'oh, speaking of which, I'm genderqueer'. It is almost always awkward as fuck, and most of us feel quite exposed and vulnurable when we come out. I knew my family would be cool with it, but still, it just felt so dramatic and weird. I wanted them to know, but I didn't want it to become a big thing. Or something they just ignored either.
But you're you, a perfectly decent person to be, I assume. While it may be hard to guarantee acceptance or understanding from your family, to some extent they cannot accept you if they don't know who you are. Coming out is about showing them who you are. It's not about asking permission or approval; it's about saying this is me, and this is what it means to accept me entirely as a person. What I am getting at is, tense as the position is, try to have confidence. You haven't done anything malicious or wrong, and you don't owe it to anyone to be who you aren't. Hopefully your family wants to see who you are, even if you cannot perfectly describe who that is with regard to your gender identity at the moment.
The ambiguity you feel? There is no problem voicing that. If you have to choose between too blunt and not getting your words out, I'd comit to blunt. People can be really slow to piece together that someone is (or may be trans). If you are too round about, you may end up having to come out again. But you can be blunt without entering a blood oath to transition because others might expect that level of resolve or clarity.
You can say something like, "I may be transgender. I've been feeling this way for a long time, though I am still working out what that means to me. I am still sorting out if I need to transition to being male to feel happy and complete. I just wanted you to understand this part of who I am and what I am going through. I just hoped I didn't have to do this entirely alone, hiding it from my family." Not exactly that because you have to say what fits your experience, but still something which is fairly clear, yet not absolute.
Could they still misunderstand or think it's a phase? Yeah, but this whole thing is weird and imperfect process. You take a step ahead, and correct course as necessary. If you feel it is time, don't try to get it perfect. Just try to get the conversation started.
So yeah. Take heart. Good luck.
Last edited by kris
on Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.