Coming out at work

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Coming out at work

Postby Pipadip » Sat Jul 08, 2017 1:13 pm

Hey,
Does anyone have any advice/experience with coming out at work. I'm going to be starting HRT soon, so I feel like I should let the people I work with know I'm trans so that any physical changes that happen doesn't come off as a surprise but I'm a little lost on how to go about it. Any input would be super appreciated!
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby Savage She-Hulk » Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:13 am

I'm only out to a single coworker, but I waited until I knew she was cool with trans people before I told her.

Wait for the proper window, I guess?
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby DawnF » Fri Jul 21, 2017 5:14 am

I have been growing my hair out for 6 months now, plus some breast massaging, which, to be frank, is giving fantastic results! People at the office are starting to stare, even gawk at me; getting dirty looks for a lot of people. Wondering how long it will be until I get fired. My company has a Pride group, but I have not yet contacted them. Have said nothing to no one.

Stay strong.

Dawn
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Fri Jul 21, 2017 10:16 am

DawnF wrote: Wondering how long it will be until I get fired. My company has a Pride group, but I have not yet contacted them.


Prepare for the worst ! I had a worked for a trucking company for 15 years, with a clean safety and driving record for 14 years. I transitioned on the job from a male truck driver to a female truck driver. I did it gradual, over a period of years. But when the Head Honcho saw me at a safety meeting, wearing what I had been wearing for quite some time, that is, a polo shirt and a denim skirt, pantyhose, and Mary Janes, and this turd of a manager spoke to me calling me by my dead name and he, his, and him, I knew the handwriting was on the wall. Soon thereafter, I was given the death penalty for spilling a glass of milk, figuratively speaking. I was fired over the phone, beaten down to a bloody pulp, by the president of the company.
I hope you do better.
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby MorganWoolf » Fri Jul 21, 2017 10:49 am

I think it wise for you to look up what protections your country/state offers. I'm worried about getting fired too, but I was talking with my gender therapist (first session too, yay!...anyway) and I told him my fears. Turns out Colorado offers LOADS of protections and is one of the safest states for trans people (really? cool!).
I didn't know that part. So, do some research on how to protect yourself. If you have a pride group, they'll probably know. If not, find a trans support group in your area, they should definitely know. I really don't suggest coming out at work without being at least mentally legally prepared.
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby MikiSJ » Fri Jul 21, 2017 1:37 pm

CuteButLooksPregnant wrote:Prepare for the worst ! I had a worked for a trucking company for 15 years, with a clean safety and driving record for 14 years. I transitioned on the job from a male truck driver to a female truck driver. I did it gradual, over a period of years. But when the Head Honcho saw me at a safety meeting, wearing what I had been wearing for quite some time, that is, a polo shirt and a denim skirt, pantyhose, and Mary Janes, and this turd of a manager spoke to me calling me by my dead name and he, his, and him, I knew the handwriting was on the wall. Soon thereafter, I was given the death penalty for spilling a glass of milk, figuratively speaking. I was fired over the phone, beaten down to a bloody pulp, by the president of the company.

(The following is said with tongue only slightly planted in cheek.)
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby DawnF » Fri Jul 21, 2017 8:34 pm

CuteButLooksPregnant wrote:
DawnF wrote: Wondering how long it will be until I get fired. My company has a Pride group, but I have not yet contacted them.


Prepare for the worst ! I had a worked for a trucking company for 15 years, with a clean safety and driving record for 14 years. I transitioned on the job from a male truck driver to a female truck driver. I did it gradual, over a period of years. But when the Head Honcho saw me at a safety meeting, wearing what I had been wearing for quite some time, that is, a polo shirt and a denim skirt, pantyhose, and Mary Janes, and this turd of a manager spoke to me calling me by my dead name and he, his, and him, I knew the handwriting was on the wall. Soon thereafter, I was given the death penalty for spilling a glass of milk, figuratively speaking. I was fired over the phone, beaten down to a bloody pulp, by the president of the company.
I hope you do better.


I may have gotten let go of my previous job of 17 years due to coming-out; in my case, I had only grown my hair down to just above my shoulders but was getting plenty of dirty looks. When I was severenced, I had no choice but to sign, else forfeit 26+ weeks of severance amounting to 33K. Companies can get rid of anyone for any reason and do so with near-absolute impunity.

Very sad what happened to you.

Love,

Dawn
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby Abrielle » Sat Jul 22, 2017 12:31 am

[quote="DawnF"]I have been growing my hair out for 6 months now, plus some breast massaging, which, to be frank, is giving fantastic results! People at the office are starting to stare, even gawk at me; getting dirty looks for a lot of people. Wondering how long it will be until I get fired.
Dawn[/quote]

Hope I haven't misread your post, but overall it sounds like you're having a good time!
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby DawnF » Sat Jul 22, 2017 5:31 am

Yes, very much so! I am, for one, completely comfortable in a full skirt with sandals and would wear them to work if not for the gawkers.
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby CuteButLooksPregnant » Sat Jul 22, 2017 9:07 am

MorganWoolf wrote:Turns out Colorado offers LOADS of protections and is one of the safest states for trans people (really? cool!).


Not much that I could have done, not counting the fact that I am a poor gal, with no money for legal fees. I am a resident of Ohio, and the company had a branch office in Springfield, but Ohio does not have state-wide protections for discrimination based on gender identity and/or gender expression. The company that did their dirty deed has their headquarters in Georgia, USA, and operates their business under Georgia law, but Georgia has no protections for discrimination based on gender identity and/or gender expression. Also, I worked as an independent contractor, exempt from Federal and EEOC protections. From the viewpoint of those two states, what the company did was ( unfortunately ) still legal, although morally bankrupt.
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby DawnF » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:34 pm

Here's a good website:

http://www.hrc.org/explore/topic/transgender

Before applying for another job, check out their database to see which companies are LGBTQ friendly. By the way, if a company has an office in one state or even city, it seems to me that they are obliged to abide by the laws of the jurisdiction in which they operate?! Perhaps someone could explain this to me.

P.S. I am growing my nails out, which I absolutely love, but I am finding it harder to type!!
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby Emma2Sprt » Thu Aug 24, 2017 8:05 pm

I would like to add something that no one seems to take into consideration.

Yes, while State and other local laws and protections are a great place to start.

It's also best to look deep into your Company policies. Company policies are going to be somewhat guided by the State and local protections. Admittedly, the Company will most likely set up their policies to provide the barest minimum required by said state and locality in most cases.

Your Company policies, I think, would be some of the easiest ways to see how things will most likely go. If you should decide to Transition at work. At the very least they will give you guidance as to how you should proceed.

If you don't feel comfortable asking someone any questions, you should be able to obtain some kind of book containing all the Company Policies to peruse at your leisure. You can even get someone outside your place of employment to help you take a look at your Company policies.
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Re: Coming out at work

Postby Ashley@Heart » Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:42 pm

HRT doesn't turn you into a magical girl/guy with just one pill or shot overnight. This can take months. But be prepared. Work from home more if you can. Be a good employee. But first of all as others have mentioned know your company's discrimination policies and see if you are a protected class in them.

Then when you are ready and closer to being more obvious. Talk to HR. Yes, they are not really there for you, they are there to keep the company from being sued. But that said being having a private conversation about any rules/policies/guidelines that you should follow should reduce your chance of retaliation that popping in one day "tada!" After you understand the rules make a plan and talk to your manager. From there do your best.


As to co-workers... follow your gut. Start with people you trust and move out as you feel the need. The rest will find out when you feel like it. I think I am out to 7 of my co-workers now.. all have been supportive to very supportive. (I lost most of a day to one co-worker but I have always enjoyed his company and he is one of the sweetest gay men I know. Though now I work from home for other reasons so much of this now is easier for me.)
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